People are nicer to me now I'm a size 12....

[NoFashion]

Has anyone noticed the same?

I've been obese for at least 10 years. So school mums etc only ever knew me as a fat person. (Size 20+)

I'm now a size 12. So not slim, but normal looking and can shop in regular shops and buy nice clothes.

People are suddenly much chattier to me. Shop assistants (I've always been chatty, it's in my American genes, we chat to folk) will chat more frequently, with less of a "you're strange" vibe.

Any similar experiences? Or am I imagining it?

I don't think I gave off "leave me alone" signals when fat. But I deep down wonder if people suddenly see I'm a person too. It's hard to explain. But it's kind of crappy.

I also wonder if it's a UK thing. Don't think I ever noticed it back "home" (not that I've been there for ages now. Stupid Covid.)

@tattleandbagels

That's very dismissive and based on assumptions

no, it's based on personal experience.
We don't all have the same one.

But the OP has relayed her experience and you flat out told her she was wrong.

Possibly sad but not surprising at all that strangers would treat you differently.

People are often (if not always) motivated by looks and first impressions. Sometimes it’s just our subconscious thoughts

Forgot to say that if I'm pondering over something in a shop I feel like I get shop assistants hovering near me checking me out for shoplifting more! When I googled this though it seemed to say the opposite. That people assume an overweight person wouldn't shoplift as they wouldn't be able to run away!

I mean I feel like I get suspected I might shoplift more as overweight person

The shoplifting thing might be to do with dressing less smartly and being assumed poorer though

This has definitely been my experience too. I am currently losing weight and have lost 5 stone so far and the one thing I am struggling with is other people's reactions. People are certainly nicer to me in the street and actually talk to me and smile at me, which never used to happen (I was nearly 22 stone at my heaviest). That I can almost deal with, it's the reactions of people I know that's been challenging. I have had one friend be almost hostile towards me (when we were FaceTiming she was quite accusatory about my weight loss) and even people who think they are being complimentary are actually being awful.

It is not a compliment to look someone up and down and practically shout 'YOU LOOK SO WELL, YOU'VE LOST SOOO MUCH WEIGHT' at them in the street because they've lost some weight. What am I supposed to do when they do that? Just stand there? It really bothers me because I have always been confident in myself and I don't need people to make it clear to me that they always thought I looked like shit when I was fatter.

Strangely, I am having to work on my confidence now that I'm losing the weight. I preferred being treated like I was invisible when I was fatter. I could go about my business without a care in the world. I feel like I'm being treated like a piece of meat now and I hate it.

@SnapDragonCat

The shoplifting thing might be to do with dressing less smartly and being assumed poorer though

I was thinking maybe it was to do with the impression that you might be an average-sized person wearing extra layers in which to hide the things you steal. I thought things like wearing a big coat in summer was a red flag for a shop lifter so maybe something like this.

@Happycat1212

There’s people that will tell you it comes from within and how you feel about yourself but that’s bull, I’ve been both over the years (fat and thin) and it’s definitely a thing.

100%

I've been underweight, healthy weight and overweight. Currently overweight again.
Definitely a thing.

"It is not a compliment to look someone up and down and practically shout 'YOU LOOK SO WELL, YOU'VE LOST SOOO MUCH WEIGHT' at them in the street because they've lost some weight. What am I supposed to do when they do that? Just stand there? It really bothers me because I have always been confident in myself and I don't need people to make it clear to me that they always thought I looked like shit when I was fatter."

But there are plenty of other people who DO want people to notice they've lost weight so what's a person to do?

@ALittleBitOfThisAndThat

“I'm now a size 12. So not slim, but normal looking”

A size 12 is definitely slim!

I don't want to derail the thread, but unless you're very tall, a size 12 is medium.

Definitely. When I was a 20 I was either invisible or got side eye. Now I am a 10 people are nicer to me. Ridiculous.

Gwen is roght re compliments.
But people need to use some common sense. Instead of shouting "omg you lost weight. You look amaaaazing" start by asking "Have you lost weight? You look bit different" and follow the person's lead. If they get excited then go in with the "ooooh amazing!" if they don't, just keep it calm.
That way everyone can be happy

This happened to me too, definitely a thing. And it's not because I invited extra friendliness in some way, I'm just as anti small talk and oblivious to strangers when I'm thin as when I'm fat.

As someone who has always been slim the only people who have commented on my size have been larger people.
Usually about how much chocolate I eat, how I wouldn't be seen sideways, don't step over any drains, thin as a lathe.
But of course I can't retaliate because large people would be highly offended.
Which proves it's just some nasty people whether slim or large.

I suspect it's quite similar to women becoming invisible as they grow older ... definitely a thing.

Its a thing, it's nothing to do with self confidence and I hate it.
I lost over half my body weight, was a size 24 now a 10-12 and technically still overweight but look pretty normal.
The best way I have of describing how I was treated when I was fat was like a homeless person, someone people try to walk past without looking at, ignore if they can get away with it. Now people smile, talk and open doors for me.
It really upsets me and I find myself questioning whether they would have been some of the few people who treated me like that before or if they are shallow and would have blanked me.

A size 12, so not slim

Are you really short? When I as a size 12 I was slim at 5"6. I would never have thought of a size 12 as not slim.

Having lost a lot of weight and then put it back (and now trying to tackle it more sanely), I definitely noticed I got more casual attention from men, and that people generally noticed my presence more in a room.

I also had better personal interaction with people - however in this case I think that was to do with me feeling more confident. I am generally chatty but I was (especially when younger and overweight) a lot more apologetic about myself, less likely to make firm eye contact with strangers etc.

So for me I think more of it was about me than not. However I am a white middle class professional and obviously that helps.

I used to watch an American vlogger years ago who has MS. After she lost weight she found people would offer to help her in the supermarket when she was using a mobility scooter, where they didn't before.

@Gwenhwyfar

"It is not a compliment to look someone up and down and practically shout 'YOU LOOK SO WELL, YOU'VE LOST SOOO MUCH WEIGHT' at them in the street because they've lost some weight. What am I supposed to do when they do that? Just stand there? It really bothers me because I have always been confident in myself and I don't need people to make it clear to me that they always thought I looked like shit when I was fatter."

But there are plenty of other people who DO want people to notice they've lost weight so what's a person to do?

Instead of putting a person on the spot in such an obnoxious way, people should approach it with a bit more tact. If you haven't seen someone for a while and they've lost weight, actually smiling at them and saying 'you look nice' or 'you look different' at a normal volume would be a good opener. Then take the lead from them, they might want to talk about it, they might not. In the example I gave, I've had people do that sort of thing in a work setting (we had met up for a work picnic prior to going back to the office after lockdown), people do that in the street and when I've met up with them in bars/restaurants. It makes everyone else focus on me and my body and makes me really uncomfortable.

I honestly haven't noticed any difference in the way people treat me, from being a size 10 in my twenties to a size 18 in late 40's. (Apart from a certain type of male attention, but I would expect that to have declined with age anyway).

100% a thing. Due to illness I went from a size 12 to big 18 in about 4 months and I really really noticed the difference.

I've been 8 to 18 and people treated me the same broadly. I do experience worse general behaviour when I am less interested in my appearance - the more 'prettied', made up and well dressed I am, the nicer other people are to me.

I've been openly abused for being fat by strangers, but general day to day manners seems more dependant (for me) on my look as a whole than size.