Friends’ anti-semitism

[Charmtaste]

We have known a couple for 4 years from our NCT group. We have gone to baby groups, soft play, birthdays and bbqs with them. We have never socialised with them without the kids or wider group but thought we knew them quite well. They have always been lovely. One of the couple has a high up position in the Labour Party and while we don’t support Labour this has never been an issue.

This week, while discussing the conflict in Israel/Palestine one of the couple wrote on FB that the Jews were responsible for 9/11. My husband is a non practicing Jew and we have a traditionally Jewish surname. Not that this matters. Their comments are so upsetting, I challenged them on FB asking if they were serious but they did not respond.

Here is the dilemma:
We are due to go to an NCT reunion party in a month and now I don’t want to go. I love our NCT group but I cannot imagine socialising with people who think this way.

YABU: go to the reunion
YANBU: stay away

I think you should still go to the reunion. Take a deep breath and avoid that couple as much as possible. Be as dignified as you can be under the circumstances of their nasty behaviour and beliefs. And then cut em out of your life. As you’ve said, recent events have emboldened them. I’m not Jewish but I’m wincing at the backlash against those who are. Unacceptable.
People’s opinions are like arseholes, as they say.

I'd like to think that the sympathy for the anti Semite posting the 'jews did 9/11' trope is ' only on mn' . Except it isn't.

Op, your 'friend' is racist scum. As are some on here.

@grantoderek

I think bleating on a forum about something which is obviously simple is bizarre and attention seeking. It's Facebook. You know what to do, report and block and contact the police. It's not as if you need advice as to whether to stay friends with them or not.

What the fuck is your problem?

People post on here about all kinds of social dilemmas, from whether they should leave a piece of toast their husband dropped on the floor to whether they should go to weddings abroad.

But you come on here with your pathetic attempts to belittle the OP who has a genuine concern. Clearly you've taken a break from licking Jezza's bum to come and show those Jews online. Oooh we're scared!

Why on earth would she post screenshots here? She doesn't owe it to any of you. If you think she's a troll who gives a fuck. People were spraying "Jews did 9/11" around my local area last year so it's not as if this is a particularly unlikely scenario especially where Labour are concerned.

@FOJN

Would you say that to someone black who was debating going to an event someone racist was also going to attend? That you would be perplexed about why it was such a big deal for them?

No I wouldn't but I would definitely have challenged the racist.

So why did you say to OP that you didn't understand with this was 'such a big deal' to them?

How is someone being anti Semitic and saying 'The Jews' are responsible for 9/11 somehow more acceptable than racist comments about black people?

I didn't say she should post screens hots. I think the opposite. I assume though that she will need to dosclise this once it becomes an official investigation.

the original post was about Israel downing the Al Jazeera building. Someone commented that it reminded them of 9/11 and the wife responded that the Jews did that too.

Then there just racist idiots, it would be a shame to let them stop you going to something you enjoy but also understandable to me, feeling uncomfortable at an event that's supposed to be for pleasure is horrible

@FightingtheFoo thank you. It is easy to guess what was motivating the relentless bile.

You will regularly encounter people in social situations whose views and values will not aligned with your own, you just don't know it

It's not a question of 'views and values' that are different from your own. It's a question of someone believing a horrendous libel about an entire ethnic group.

I wouldnt put up with an openly racist friend who made comments like that about Jews, and im definitely more on the palestinians side of the current middle east bullshit.

This is why it never ends isnt it. Always ends up getting racist

@grantoderek you have shown who you are on this thread.

@grantoderek Advanced search shows you weigh in on pretty much every thread on AIBU and many more round the site, giving opinions on everything from lip fillers to birthday parties and yet THIS thread you feel the need to castigate the OP as the subject is too pathetic, boring and obvious to even warrant a thread? Weird. I do wonder what the difference could be between this thread and the countless others you happily post on?

grantoderek: bleating on a forum about something which is obviously simple is bizarre and attention seeking.

Then that applies to almost any post on AIBU. And you're 'bleating' on it too!

@ddl1 well put. This is not differing opinions. It is a racist slur.

Hi OP I come from a Jewish family. I don't practice myself and I don't look Jewish. Unfortunately that means people feel free to air their antisemitism in front of me from time to time. And it is upsetting so I see why you wouldn't want to go to a social gathering they are attending, especially your DH.

I don't think you should miss out because of their views. Which they must hold pretty strongly to put out there on SM. That's brave of them. It should be them not going to the event - not you. I would tell everyone in the group the reason you don't feel comfortable attending (because X&Y have shown they are antisemetic) and take it from there. Perhaps an alternative social group could meet up without them. If they are your friends they will support you and want to see you too. Don't feel bad about raising this with them and for showing what was said.

YANBU to feel uncomfortable about going, in view of those comments, but you have other friends who will be there so it would be a shame to miss out on seeing them.

I also agree with PPs that you should report the anti-Semitism to the Labour Party.

Yabu - To not to go to an event you'd enjoy because of them.

Yanbu - to not want to speak to them or be friends with them because of their views or challenge them on them.

grantoderek are you an anti semite?
Because I honestly cant work out where your anger at the OP is coming from.
Really odd.

@BrilliantBetty I am sorry that people spout that bile in front of you.
I think I will approach another member of the group and explain why I don’t want to attend anymore.

@paralysedbyinertia

There's a lot of minimising on this thread.

It's liked a worked example of Jews Don't Count.

Why wouldn't the OP and her Jewish husband want to attend a small event with open anti-Semites? Gosh, no idea.

No I'm an ant attention seeker. As I said, I would report to Facebook and the police. Obviously I wouldn't be posting bravo or I wouldn't be so irritated by the OP pretending to be bewildered. It's simple and straightforward not a dilemma. A dilemma would be if there was any ambiguity.

I can empathise. I've seen people I've known since I was in nappies share horrendous antisemitism this week. They've cuddled my daughter, they've babysat her, we've planned weddings together, cried on each others shoulders, and shared everything. Only to find out they harbour these views and maybe always have. One friend laugh reacted a post about a convoy of cars shouting at passers by to "kill and r*pe" Jewish women and children and I just had to wonder... Would they laugh if me or my child were attacked for being Jewish? I don't know whether you should go or not. I do know I end up never feeling able to say anything because people simply don't care 9 times out of 10. I've just quietly unfriended people this week so I don't have to see it, maybe I'm being overly sensitive. If I do challenge it they often say something like "well obviously I don't mean you!" which is iffy and doesn't really change anything. Hugs

Twatty idiots?

Honestly have a look at yourself. You’re a grown woman calling someone a twatty idiot because she’s upset that a friend is posting anti Semitic tropes on Facebook. She hasn’t attacked or hurt you in any way at all.

Anyway, your true colours are definitely showing now.

@grantoderek you are not “sparring” with me. You are relentlessly abusing me while I ask you to stop.

I have looked at your comments on other people’s posts and they are kind and respectful. You are vile to me because I stated that I am married to a Jewish person.

@grantoderek

No I'm an ant attention seeker. As I said, I would report to Facebook and the police. Obviously I wouldn't be posting bravo or I wouldn't be so irritated by the OP pretending to be bewildered. It's simple and straightforward not a dilemma. A dilemma would be if there was any ambiguity.

I know it's a typo but I think even ants have better things to do than listen to your opinion to be honest.

You've shown who you are on this thread. You're obviously comfortable with being that person. I feel sorry for you.