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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel annoyed at this evening

255 replies

Malteser71 · 21/05/2021 00:45

We went out for dinner tonight with another couple. I’ll call them I’ll call them Tom and Sue. We’ve known them for almost 20 years so they are good friends, however we haven’t seen them in a long time due to covid.

I’ve also been WFH for 16 months now. I’m really lacking in adult company. We have two teenage kids and a dog, they are mainly the only people I’ve had to talk to. DH works outside the home.

Tonight was the first time I’d been out socially since last summer, I was very much looking forward to catching up with them and just having some adult conversation.

When we arrived at the restaurant, it seemed Tom had invited a friend of his that we loosely know (Andy). It seems that Andy had suggested seeing Tom tonight, but rather than telling Andy that he already had plans, Tom invited Andy to join us.

Andy’s wife has gone to London with work, so he brought his teenage son instead. I know the son, I find him very hard work, I wouldn’t choose to go out socially for a meal with him (I’m nearly 50, we are all a similar age).

It turns out that Tom told my husband about this change of plan earlier in the week, he didn’t think it important so didn’t mention it to me.

So basically I thought we were going out with friends but I’ve just spent the evening next to a teenage boy who I don’t really like, listening to him holding court on a variety of topics, interrupting, stifling our conversation and being a bit of a knob.

My own teenage children were at home. They’d have loved to come out for a meal, but I didn’t invite them because it was supposed to be ourselves and another couple.

I’m just furious with DH for not telling me about this change of plan, or for agreeing with Tom that it was fine to invite Andy and his son. I’ve had absolutely no adult conversation, I’ve just eaten an Italian meal listening to a teenager going on about why we should all be vegan.

aIBU to be really annoyed and feel cheated of my night out? It feels as though I wasn’t considered important enough to consult.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 21/05/2021 00:47

Oh my god I would be SO ANNOYED.

Malteser71 · 21/05/2021 00:49

I’m furious!

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 21/05/2021 00:49

I’d be a tad annoyed too. I wouldn’t want to spend my first evening out in a long time with children either. It changes the dynamic.

omgwhy · 21/05/2021 00:51

I'm with you, bloody awful and I'm sorry your evening was trashed.

Malteser71 · 21/05/2021 00:51

Yes, we had to pander to him and ask him about sixth form and things. I just wanted to discuss adult stuff.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 21/05/2021 00:54

DH and teen both sound like knobs.

What does DH say now? Does he pull crap like these usually?

CrikeyPeg · 21/05/2021 00:54

Gads, that would piss me off no end, total waste of an evening and £££.

Weird/wrongthat your husband didn't think to mention it. I know I would have said at least once during the lead up to the outing how much I was looking forward to fresh adult convo = perfect opening for him to mention Andy and son, at which point I'd be making other arrangements for my evening.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 21/05/2021 00:56

I'd be pissed off too. I teach teenagers and I know exactly the kind of condescending prick who thinks anyone over 35 is old and needs to be enlightened with his (it's usually a boy) infinite superior wisdom. How annoying!

Malteser71 · 21/05/2021 00:57

He doesn’t normally do things like this, he’s just genuinely surprised at how annoyed I am.

He says I should just have ignored the son. That I didn’t have to sit next to him. The point is, two couples going out us quite different to two couples plus a man and his son.

I do really like Andy, he’s nice company. But WHY bring the son? Apparently he hasn’t got many friends so his dad wanted him to have the social contact.

OP posts:
CrazyCatsAndKittens · 21/05/2021 00:58

It’s really weird that your husband didn’t tell you. You could have cancelled and let it be a men-only get together. Or perhaps that’s what your husband was scared of.

Oh, well, it’s done now and there will be more chances to socialize from now.

Malteser71 · 21/05/2021 00:59

(Andy was basically gatecrashing our evening. If his wife had been home, fair enough I suppose. But why didn’t he just see that it was totally inappropriate?

OP posts:
Malteser71 · 21/05/2021 01:00

...and I think I might have been even more pissed off at looking forward to a meal then cancelling it and letting the men go out on a ‘men only’ thing (plus child) just because the men didn’t have any consideration

OP posts:
Sophiethegiraffe1 · 21/05/2021 01:15

That does sound a bit rubbish, if I was looking forward to a night out I’d be pissed off too.
Have you been able to get your fix of adult conversation by talking to any adults on the phone or through zoom? I think it’s really important you find ways of doing the things you like.
It may have been a bit difficult for Andy to not bring his son. But if you had brought your kids also they could have had a ‘kiddie table’ which might have given you all a bit of space.

Slub · 21/05/2021 01:16

You are so NOT BU! That would have really pissed me off - and agree with pp adding a teen to the mix really changes the vibe when you were looking forward to an adult only evening out.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 21/05/2021 01:17

sounds awful.
YANBU
I'd be very annoyed.

I'd need to be compensated with a do-over meal and soothed with some luxury hand-dyed wool

CrazyCatsAndKittens · 21/05/2021 01:25

@Malteser71

...and I think I might have been even more pissed off at looking forward to a meal then cancelling it and letting the men go out on a ‘men only’ thing (plus child) just because the men didn’t have any consideration
So you’d expect your husband to tell them that the child and friend aren’t welcome? Shock
Finfintytint · 21/05/2021 01:34

Too bloody right CrazyCat. Friend welcome, child most definitely not.

TheTeenageYears · 21/05/2021 01:36

I would be royally pissed off too. Any idea what 'Sue' made of the situation?

NakedBanana · 21/05/2021 01:39

Too right crazy atsandkittens

I've told that mates before when they've suggested bringing their teenagers to meals!!

No way am I going out for a meal with mates, with a bloody teenager there! I could have stayed at home and listened to my own teenagers spouting rubbish. Well if they came out their bedroom that is!!

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 21/05/2021 01:48

Hideous. And also interesting to note that he sat by you so that the men stuck together and socialised and lumbered the women with effectively the childcare. Point this out to DH.

KittyKatChonky · 21/05/2021 01:50

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1forAll74 · 21/05/2021 01:56

It was a social evening with some nice food,so look at it that way.and forget about your great annoyance.

Harriedharriet · 21/05/2021 02:08

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit

Hideous. And also interesting to note that he sat by you so that the men stuck together and socialised and lumbered the women with effectively the childcare. Point this out to DH.
Interesting point!
PinkSatinMoon · 21/05/2021 02:32

@KittyKatChonky

Does the teenager have SEN? It’s a bit unusual that a teen would want to go out with old people.
I suspect OP would have mentioned this in her OP as she does in fact know the lad.
Susannahmoody · 21/05/2021 02:35

Totally not on at all. I'd have been majorly pissed off at this.

Like arranging to go for and adult lunch and someone brings their toddler