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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel annoyed at this evening

255 replies

Malteser71 · 21/05/2021 00:45

We went out for dinner tonight with another couple. I’ll call them I’ll call them Tom and Sue. We’ve known them for almost 20 years so they are good friends, however we haven’t seen them in a long time due to covid.

I’ve also been WFH for 16 months now. I’m really lacking in adult company. We have two teenage kids and a dog, they are mainly the only people I’ve had to talk to. DH works outside the home.

Tonight was the first time I’d been out socially since last summer, I was very much looking forward to catching up with them and just having some adult conversation.

When we arrived at the restaurant, it seemed Tom had invited a friend of his that we loosely know (Andy). It seems that Andy had suggested seeing Tom tonight, but rather than telling Andy that he already had plans, Tom invited Andy to join us.

Andy’s wife has gone to London with work, so he brought his teenage son instead. I know the son, I find him very hard work, I wouldn’t choose to go out socially for a meal with him (I’m nearly 50, we are all a similar age).

It turns out that Tom told my husband about this change of plan earlier in the week, he didn’t think it important so didn’t mention it to me.

So basically I thought we were going out with friends but I’ve just spent the evening next to a teenage boy who I don’t really like, listening to him holding court on a variety of topics, interrupting, stifling our conversation and being a bit of a knob.

My own teenage children were at home. They’d have loved to come out for a meal, but I didn’t invite them because it was supposed to be ourselves and another couple.

I’m just furious with DH for not telling me about this change of plan, or for agreeing with Tom that it was fine to invite Andy and his son. I’ve had absolutely no adult conversation, I’ve just eaten an Italian meal listening to a teenager going on about why we should all be vegan.

aIBU to be really annoyed and feel cheated of my night out? It feels as though I wasn’t considered important enough to consult.

OP posts:
Susannahmoody · 21/05/2021 02:35

*an adult lunch, not and

Clymene · 21/05/2021 04:05

Urgh I'd be really cross.

VashtaNerada · 21/05/2021 04:15

That would really annoy me too! I once made plans to meet up for lunch with two friends at a time when I had a big personal issue to deal with, and was really looking forward to the chance to talk it through with them. Then one of the friends brought her teen children. These children are actually lovely and on another occasion it would have been great to see them, but the timing was awful and I felt so frustrated that I couldn’t talk properly to my friends.

SympathyFatigue · 21/05/2021 04:24

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I'd be pissed off too. I teach teenagers and I know exactly the kind of condescending prick who thinks anyone over 35 is old and needs to be enlightened with his (it's usually a boy) infinite superior wisdom. How annoying!
What an asset to education you are. I'd course to a teenager anyone over 35 is old and they know everything. That's teenagers. You navigate through that annoying stage. Referring to them as pricks and making it about him being male is odd. It's a child. Would you say the same about a young girl, call her a little bitch and say it's annoying listening to them?
purplebagladylovesgin · 21/05/2021 04:29

The polite response from your husband would be 'sorry, but that changes the dynamic of the evening, can we accommodate teenagers another time?'

And, at the very least to discuss the changes with you. I would be quietly furious, especially with a woke teenage boy preaching veganism as I tried to eat my vegetarian meal! I feel for you. Just aaagghhhh (I have one at home and every meal or grocery shopping trip is an ongoing lecture, even clothes shopping is now).

Your husband has a lot of making up to do, starting by rebooking a meal ASAP for adult friends only. Preferably for next week.

I'm fuming on your behalf.

Toilenstripes · 21/05/2021 04:29

@KittyKatChonky

Does the teenager have SEN? It’s a bit unusual that a teen would want to go out with old people.
Old? You can’t be serious. 50 isn’t old. 🙄
CheeseCakeSunflowers · 21/05/2021 05:15

When you are a teen then 50 is old and I say that as someone in her 60's.

colgatewhite · 21/05/2021 05:28

My teen calls me old and I'm not even 40. The last thing he'd want to do is come out to dinner with us.

I'm at point in my life though where I don't sit and be polite in situations I don't enjoy like this. I'd probably have made my excuses to leave or had a drink and said we were off.

picturesandpickles · 21/05/2021 05:38

It sounds frustrating but the son may have had a harder time than you know over the last year so I would try to chalk it up to experience. You might have really helped Andy and his son.

Hopefully you can do something nice with the couple soon?

Grimacingfrog · 21/05/2021 05:45

This happened to me once. I'd been invited to a friend's to watch a film. It was a big deal at the time as I hadn't had much child free time for ages and was really looking forward to it. Without consulting me my friend had invited her sister (fine) and her son (not at all fine) and so the conversation and attention was all about him. I was infuriated. It just changes the dynamic. What a shame you didn't get your adult night out.

lollipoprainbow · 21/05/2021 05:56

Where was Sue in this scenario ?!

lollipoprainbow · 21/05/2021 05:58

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop what a horrible nasty response, you teach as well ? God help the kids.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 21/05/2021 06:03

@KittyKatChonky

Does the teenager have SEN? It’s a bit unusual that a teen would want to go out with old people.
Fucking hell there's always one.

And in response to posters horrified at my comment - being a teacher doesn't mean I have to adore every single child. I just recognise that some boys are afflicted with early onset mansplaining syndrome and I don't think this is something to pander to or celebrate.

Amdone123 · 21/05/2021 06:10

I'd be annoyed. My sister has a habit of doing this although her speciality is inviting other people on holidays ( it's another thread!). Agree with pp it changes the dynamic and yes, you were effectively the childcare in this set up ( again, happened to me at my sister's!).
It's infuriating. Some people can get up and walk out, but I can't ( though next time this happens I honestly think I will).

MrMucker · 21/05/2021 06:12

@picturesandpickles

It sounds frustrating but the son may have had a harder time than you know over the last year so I would try to chalk it up to experience. You might have really helped Andy and his son.

Hopefully you can do something nice with the couple soon?

This. Makes me sad that OP needed to be so dismissive of this teenager. And bitter about own teenagers not coming. And annoyed about husband not informing. All this after saying they had not been out in a very long time. And not having any contact with anyone else other than family. So they went out, but it didn't go their way. It was "the wrong contact". Nothing good to say about finally being out of the house. Nothing good to say about the restaurant. Nothing good to say about seeing other people. Nothing good to say about the food. Just annoyed that it was not as expected.

Maybe DH didn't say anything because they knew this would be the response.Perhaps DH was more open to the idea of "the more the merrier" or "this will be good for both of them" or "what else are they meant to do this evening?"
Clearly OP was not.

echt · 21/05/2021 06:14

[quote lollipoprainbow]@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop what a horrible nasty response, you teach as well ? God help the kids. [/quote]
What on earth does Frangipani's occupation have to do with her views here? Hmm

lollipoprainbow · 21/05/2021 06:17

@echt did you not read her post ??? Calling teenage boys a prick etc and she teaches. Also a rude response to someone who suggested the teenager might have sen needs.

CassandraTrotter · 21/05/2021 06:21

Yanbu in having plans changed, and having to spend the evening with someone else’s teenager. Nobody wants that.

But the kid is right. We should all be vegan.

Luddite26 · 21/05/2021 06:26

I'm with you on that Frangipani. Y6 GS is becoming one of them and really peeing me off atm. Am i a vile Granny to say that.
I understand OP's annoyance and would be interested in what Sue thought. But don't let it upset you too much. Try and get out again asap. I would have been peed off at being sat with him. Should have been sat with the men mates.

thatgingergirl · 21/05/2021 06:26

I'm with picturesandpickles. Is Andy's son an only child? And where was Sue?

picturesandpickles · 21/05/2021 06:29

But the kid is right. We should all be vegan.

haha yes, unfortunately teenagers often are right, in amongst all the being weird and misguided, I know I was more right about some things at that age - before middle-aged complacency and resignation set in!!

FunMcCool · 21/05/2021 06:37

Aren’t teenagers great? They already know so much more than all the adults!!

itsgettingwierd · 21/05/2021 06:38

Gosh no.

Absolutely you have every right to be pissed off.

I have a 16yo ds and I live him to bits.

But for dinner conversation he would not be my first choice of company 🤣🤣

Strugglingtodomybest · 21/05/2021 06:39

Maybe DH didn't say anything because they knew this would be the response.Perhaps DH was more open to the idea of "the more the merrier" or "this will be good for both of them" or "what else are they meant to do this evening?"

And if course, DH should always be allowed to make decisions that will affect the both of them without consulting his DW Hmm

Melitza · 21/05/2021 06:40

[quote lollipoprainbow]@echt did you not read her post ??? Calling teenage boys a prick etc and she teaches. Also a rude response to someone who suggested the teenager might have sen needs. [/quote]
Teenagers mostly are pricks though. Especially those whose parents think they should gate crash an adult evening.
I bet his parents are in thrall of him

I feel for you op. I would never have taken my teens out in those circumstances.