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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel annoyed at this evening

255 replies

Malteser71 · 21/05/2021 00:45

We went out for dinner tonight with another couple. I’ll call them I’ll call them Tom and Sue. We’ve known them for almost 20 years so they are good friends, however we haven’t seen them in a long time due to covid.

I’ve also been WFH for 16 months now. I’m really lacking in adult company. We have two teenage kids and a dog, they are mainly the only people I’ve had to talk to. DH works outside the home.

Tonight was the first time I’d been out socially since last summer, I was very much looking forward to catching up with them and just having some adult conversation.

When we arrived at the restaurant, it seemed Tom had invited a friend of his that we loosely know (Andy). It seems that Andy had suggested seeing Tom tonight, but rather than telling Andy that he already had plans, Tom invited Andy to join us.

Andy’s wife has gone to London with work, so he brought his teenage son instead. I know the son, I find him very hard work, I wouldn’t choose to go out socially for a meal with him (I’m nearly 50, we are all a similar age).

It turns out that Tom told my husband about this change of plan earlier in the week, he didn’t think it important so didn’t mention it to me.

So basically I thought we were going out with friends but I’ve just spent the evening next to a teenage boy who I don’t really like, listening to him holding court on a variety of topics, interrupting, stifling our conversation and being a bit of a knob.

My own teenage children were at home. They’d have loved to come out for a meal, but I didn’t invite them because it was supposed to be ourselves and another couple.

I’m just furious with DH for not telling me about this change of plan, or for agreeing with Tom that it was fine to invite Andy and his son. I’ve had absolutely no adult conversation, I’ve just eaten an Italian meal listening to a teenager going on about why we should all be vegan.

aIBU to be really annoyed and feel cheated of my night out? It feels as though I wasn’t considered important enough to consult.

OP posts:
Egghead81 · 21/05/2021 09:03

* Other times, I might have felt indulgent and want to take part in the socialisation and mentoring of a young person, he’s still learning how to conduct himself in these situations, they still need a little bit of help and encouragement.*

My own teen - absolutely
A deer friend’s teen - sure
A stranger’s teen? On a night out? I’d rather clean the restaurant toilets with my own toothbrush

Taliskerskye · 21/05/2021 09:07

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop
Is totally right, many young teenagers are pricks. Then they grow up to be adult pricks.
And they’re parents are probably the ones that made them that way.

When you look at young prick, there is almost invariably an old prick just behind it.

CreamOrange · 21/05/2021 09:08

This reminds me of when I had some leaving drinks and a meal at a previous job where i'd been for a few years. It was a small business so only a handful of people. One of the contractors was invited as he was a stalwart of the business. He ended up bringing his daughter who worked in the same town.... She was a total and utter knob. None of us had met her previously but she was holding court throughout - I had to sit in silence while she told us all about her new solicitor job through an apprenticeship and about how important she was basically. At the beginning I was polite and asked questions like everyone else but then gave up and stared into my glass. It was really rude and I couldn't believe someone would actually do that!! She didn't even ask one question to anyone (me or otherwise) throughout, just talked about herself the whole time, encouraged by her dad. Cringeworthy.

HideAndSeeking · 21/05/2021 09:11

It takes a village if we don’t as a society want to produce little monsters.
Everyone isn’t blessed with a good environment in their formative years, some families really struggle. There may be a back story of which we’re entirely unaware.

We all have the freedom to choose how we respond, empathy is one choice out of many.

rainyskylight · 21/05/2021 09:12

I agree with @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop. my husband is a teacher at an all boys school.... the stories he comes home with...

Egghead81 · 21/05/2021 09:15

@HideAndSeeking

It takes a village if we don’t as a society want to produce little monsters. Everyone isn’t blessed with a good environment in their formative years, some families really struggle. There may be a back story of which we’re entirely unaware.

We all have the freedom to choose how we respond, empathy is one choice out of many.

And the other is to Personally if it were me, I would be quietly texting friends from the bathroom seeing if anyone was up for a spontaneous drink, and I would have excused myself, no explanation necessary, just an apology and I must go... and then go on to have a much better evening of my choice!

Which is also fair enough!

HideAndSeeking · 21/05/2021 09:18
Grin
MadinMarch · 21/05/2021 09:23

What have you that impression? It’s Andy’s wife that want there
Correct.
And unbeknown to them all, and us dear reader, Andy's wife, who had allegedly 'gone to London with work' was actually ensconced in a hotel in the next town along with her new lover. Room service delivered champagne and fois gras to them. and she wallowed in the fact that she wasn't spending yet another evening with her over avidly mansplaining teenage son.

I'm only joking, before anyone asks which post had this info in

Annasgirl · 21/05/2021 09:27

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]**@StillCoughingandLaughing

This is AIBU, not TripAdvisor.

I love this and also 'early onset mansplaining' as coined by @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop which I shall be using in future Grin[/quote]
Yes - thanks to @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop and @StillCoughingandLaughing - I have 2 new gold plated rebuttals for future use.

This thread has given me such a laugh. And OP, YADNBU - I too have teen DC and when I am out for an evening without them, I don't want to spend time with someone else's teen DC.

And it is not just teens - ever since I had DC, when I had child free time I wanted to make sure I was away from other people's DC too. That is why I love adult only Spa hotels Grin

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/05/2021 09:27

@HideAndSeeking

It takes a village if we don’t as a society want to produce little monsters. Everyone isn’t blessed with a good environment in their formative years, some families really struggle. There may be a back story of which we’re entirely unaware.

We all have the freedom to choose how we respond, empathy is one choice out of many.

Throw in ‘In a world where you can be anything, be kind’ and you’re a shoo-in for smuggest post of the day.
Annasgirl · 21/05/2021 09:28

[quote Taliskerskye]@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop
Is totally right, many young teenagers are pricks. Then they grow up to be adult pricks.
And they’re parents are probably the ones that made them that way.

When you look at young prick, there is almost invariably an old prick just behind it.[/quote]
You win the internet @Taliskerskye

Grin Grin

JustOneMoreRun · 21/05/2021 09:28

@Susannahmoody - someone did that to me! Years ago now but I can still remember my heart plummeting. I was 39 weeks pregnant, tired & tetchy and looking forward to a lovely meal and adult catch up having dropped my two kids off at school and nursery and my friend turned up with her toddler because they hadn’t felt like going to nursery today and wanted to come to the cafe more! If I could have found a polite way to make my excuses and dash to another cafe for a quiet lunch with just a book I would have Grin.

singsingbluesilver · 21/05/2021 09:33

It may take a village, but after spending all day in work with teenagers - many of who are a delight to be with - the last thing I want to be is a villager.

Adults are entitled to their own time and space too. The world does not revolve around children - especially other people's when I am off the clock.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/05/2021 09:35

It would annoy me too OP, but I would have made sure I wasn’t sitting next to him!

“Oh you sit by your Dad, I’m sit down the other end with Sue” might have worked. “You won’t want to hear our conversation, ha ha”.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/05/2021 09:36

But Dad should absolutely have made sure he put son between himself and the end of the table.

HideAndSeeking · 21/05/2021 09:37

@StillCoughingandLaughing
Throw in ‘In a world where you can be anything, be kind’ and you’re a shoo-in for smuggest post of the day.

I always find it curious when someone has a strong reaction.
What bothered you the most about that, how did my words make you feel?

The thread would be rather dull if we all responded from exactly the same perspective.

Sometimesonly · 21/05/2021 09:38

I would be furious OP. My similar-ish story, I met a mum with a toddler the same age as mine and she asked if we could meet up for coffee as she didn't know many people yet and our children could play together while we chatted. She was also keen that they would play in English (not the local language). Fine. I turn up at the café and she sent the nanny! The nanny may have been lovely, I don't know, we didn't have any languages in common. Apparently, I was just there to facilitate her child learning English...

Bluedeblue · 21/05/2021 09:39

This reminded me of an evening wedding reception we went to some years back. Every adult (in our group), except me, was a smoker. I spent 90% of the night sat on a table with children, whilst the adults stood outside smoking. On top of that there was no food, and the bride & groom left at 9pm. I'd forked out ££££ for a hotel room, a kennel for the dog, not to mention fuel to get there. Just to spend a night with kids who I hardly knew. I was SO angry.

Tooshytoshine · 21/05/2021 09:45

Ugh. I can feel your pain here.

This would not bother my partner that there was a teenager there as they work outside the home and have lots of social contact. They also would feel no responsibility to socially facilitate the teenagers inclusion and would deftly avoid sitting near them. They would speak to the person/people they wanted to and be largely oblivious to the altered dynamic for others.

It would ruin my evening as making small talk with an opinionated teenage boy, who thinks you are old and a bit dull is incredibly tedious. And I work with and adore teenagers...

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/05/2021 09:51

What bothered you the most about that, how did my words make you feel?

They just made me roll my eyes pretty heavily to be honest. As does this pound-shop counsellor speak.

BorderlineHappy · 21/05/2021 09:51

There's nothing worse than OPC ( other people's children).
He's a teenager ,old enough to be left at home.

I would have made sure the teenager sat with his dad.
No way would I have been left with him.

GirlFridays · 21/05/2021 09:54

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Charming.
Username does not check out.

Odoreida · 21/05/2021 09:55

I would be SO annoyed at this, especially if I hadn't seen the friends for a while and was looking forward to a rare evening out. I'm sulking on your behalf right now. Teenagers are lovely but sometimes you just want an evening with your friends.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/05/2021 09:55

And as thought they are the only people to have thought of veganism! There are plenty of older vegans and we know all the flipping arguments, for and against. No one needs a teen mansplaining or teensplaining (which could be a new word!) things to them.

I’m happy to debate with my own teen, it’s part of her education, but would get bored quite quickly of debating with someone else’s.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/05/2021 10:00

[quote GirlFridays]**@StillCoughingandLaughing

Charming.
Username does not check out.[/quote]
Oh good - the chorus is chiming in...