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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel annoyed at this evening

255 replies

Malteser71 · 21/05/2021 00:45

We went out for dinner tonight with another couple. I’ll call them I’ll call them Tom and Sue. We’ve known them for almost 20 years so they are good friends, however we haven’t seen them in a long time due to covid.

I’ve also been WFH for 16 months now. I’m really lacking in adult company. We have two teenage kids and a dog, they are mainly the only people I’ve had to talk to. DH works outside the home.

Tonight was the first time I’d been out socially since last summer, I was very much looking forward to catching up with them and just having some adult conversation.

When we arrived at the restaurant, it seemed Tom had invited a friend of his that we loosely know (Andy). It seems that Andy had suggested seeing Tom tonight, but rather than telling Andy that he already had plans, Tom invited Andy to join us.

Andy’s wife has gone to London with work, so he brought his teenage son instead. I know the son, I find him very hard work, I wouldn’t choose to go out socially for a meal with him (I’m nearly 50, we are all a similar age).

It turns out that Tom told my husband about this change of plan earlier in the week, he didn’t think it important so didn’t mention it to me.

So basically I thought we were going out with friends but I’ve just spent the evening next to a teenage boy who I don’t really like, listening to him holding court on a variety of topics, interrupting, stifling our conversation and being a bit of a knob.

My own teenage children were at home. They’d have loved to come out for a meal, but I didn’t invite them because it was supposed to be ourselves and another couple.

I’m just furious with DH for not telling me about this change of plan, or for agreeing with Tom that it was fine to invite Andy and his son. I’ve had absolutely no adult conversation, I’ve just eaten an Italian meal listening to a teenager going on about why we should all be vegan.

aIBU to be really annoyed and feel cheated of my night out? It feels as though I wasn’t considered important enough to consult.

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 21/05/2021 06:40

Makes me sad that OP needed to be so dismissive of this teenager.

Why do other people's children suddenly start having to be everybody else's problem?

It's fine not to give a shit about random teenagers you don't know.

I've personally found that children I know and teach have coped remarkably well And all this pandering generalisation of "oh you've had SUCH a hard year" is actually quite damaging to many children who are sick of being pushed to talk about their feelings constantly. Yes some children have suffered but the stark truth is that for many, it's been a year off school, a year of lies-ins and video games, and they've had a brilliant time.

Geamhradh · 21/05/2021 06:40

Awful. I see 300 teens a week. I don't even much want to see my own in the evening. Grin
Your husband is an idiot. And should at least have given you the chance to pull out if he daren't deal with people.

drpet49 · 21/05/2021 06:41

** lollipoprainbow

@echt did you not read her post ??? Calling teenage boys a prick etc and she teaches. Also a rude response to someone who suggested the teenager might have sen needs.

@lollipoprainbow calm down. So what if she called teenage boys a prick. Some are. What is the issue?

Horehound · 21/05/2021 06:44

I think it's not a "thing" that ops husband didn't mention it. He clearly just thought it's not a big deal at all and didn't need to.
But if be pissed off too.
However, I'd spin this to be a positive on that you get to go out with the original couple again. I imagine sue probably felt the same as OP so have another night out and dinner :)

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 21/05/2021 06:45

Last year pre-COVID I went on a hen do that had TWO children there - a 13yo and a 9yo. No childcare issues, their mum just said "oh my husband is useless, I'm not trusting him with them". It started at 2pm and the 13yo went to her friends at about 7pm but the 9yo was still in the restaurant with us at 11pm and we couldn't go elsewhere as bars didn't accept children. I was just sitting there just desperate to say "fuck off, take your child home, you are ruining the dynamic". I mean it's just so incredibly rude to think that people want your little darling included on an adult's meal out.

I always say one of the wisest things a parent can learn is how little other people are interested in their kids.

lollipoprainbow · 21/05/2021 06:45

@drpet49 I'm perfectly calm, someone else also made a similar comment to me why don't you ask them ??

Cam2020 · 21/05/2021 06:47

I'd have been pissed off too.

DH is surprised because he's been going off to work and (presumably) engaging with other adults. He doesn't really understand the social starvation of WFH.

In normal times to night be a bit pissed or irritated of to have your night out hijacked, in Covid times it feels a much bigger deal.

Egghead81 · 21/05/2021 06:47

You will deny this
But I reckon it’s you that spoilt the dinner with a face like thunder

You had every right to be annoyed. With your DH. But to be furious? No

MargotLovedTom1 · 21/05/2021 06:48

Well, obviously Sue and Andy are in the throes of a mad passionate affair and were busy playing footsie under the table, while Tom and the OP's husband talked football and the OP was bored shitless by a teenager with 'early onset mansplaining syndrome' (love this! 😂). Fun times.

OP - YANBU to be pissed off.

Egghead81 · 21/05/2021 06:49

@SympathyFatigue. I totally agree
I wouldn’t want @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop near my teens let alone teaching them

SpeakingFranglais · 21/05/2021 06:49

To be quite honest I would have sat at the end of the table with sue opposite and left the men/boys to their own conversation.

Egghead81 · 21/05/2021 06:50

@SpeakingFranglais

To be quite honest I would have sat at the end of the table with sue opposite and left the men/boys to their own conversation.
Exactly. It would have worked out and the OP made the best of it
youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/05/2021 06:52

@Egghead81 @SpeakingFranglais

Ah that plan rather falls down due to the fact sue wasn't there.

MiddleParking · 21/05/2021 06:52

Andy sounds like a total dick. Who crashes someone else’s adult night out then brings their kid? And lets him dominate the conversation? I’d be so annoyed too OP. Does Andy know that you have their own teenagers that were left at home? That makes it worse if so.

Karwomannghia · 21/05/2021 06:53

Would’ve been hard to say no but it made a completely different evening to the one you were expecting.
I would’ve ended up swapping places to chat to Sue and ignored the others!

JustJoinedRightNow · 21/05/2021 06:55

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]**@Egghead81* @SpeakingFranglais*

Ah that plan rather falls down due to the fact sue wasn't there.[/quote]
Yes she was - OP says so in her first post.

Egghead81 · 21/05/2021 06:57

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]**@Egghead81* @SpeakingFranglais*

Ah that plan rather falls down due to the fact sue wasn't there.[/quote]
What have you that impression? It’s Andy’s wife that want there

TheGumption · 21/05/2021 07:02

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Last year pre-COVID I went on a hen do that had TWO children there - a 13yo and a 9yo. No childcare issues, their mum just said "oh my husband is useless, I'm not trusting him with them". It started at 2pm and the 13yo went to her friends at about 7pm but the 9yo was still in the restaurant with us at 11pm and we couldn't go elsewhere as bars didn't accept children. I was just sitting there just desperate to say "fuck off, take your child home, you are ruining the dynamic". I mean it's just so incredibly rude to think that people want your little darling included on an adult's meal out.

I always say one of the wisest things a parent can learn is how little other people are interested in their kids.

I completely agree with you! I have four kids. I adore them but I'm well aware that they're not the centre of anyone else's universe.
newnortherner111 · 21/05/2021 07:03

I'd have gone, but with the notice of the change of plan could have thought about how to respond to a teenage know it all.

Brefugee · 21/05/2021 07:06

It sounds frustrating but the son may have had a harder time than you know over the last year so I would try to chalk it up to experience. You might have really helped Andy and his son.

yes yes - women should always be sure to make sure all the men are ok. Who, in this scenario, is thinking about OP and how she might have had a shit year and in need of adult company? certainly not her DH for sure.

Frankly? I would have said at the time that i thought it was adults only. And i certainly wouldn't have sat next to him. And at the lecturing I'm afraid I'd have said something that i used to say to my teenagers about not having arrived on planet earth yesterday.

I feel your pain OP.

DorisLessingsCat · 21/05/2021 07:07

YANBU but let go of the anger now and plan another really good social event.

COVID and lockdown has meant we're all operating at higher stress levels, which we sometimes don't realise, until they are triggered by something seemingly minor.

ThewaterlilliesofGiverny · 21/05/2021 07:07

Next time, catch up with just Sue!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 21/05/2021 07:14

[quote Egghead81]@SympathyFatigue. I totally agree
I wouldn’t want @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop near my teens let alone teaching them[/quote]
My heart is breaking over this 😂

Brefugee · 21/05/2021 07:16

all these peoplmoaning about what Frangipani said, are you the parents of the teenagers with Early Onset Mansplaining and find it adorable and wonder why everyone else thinks they're knobs? Grin

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/05/2021 07:16

Sorry I got Sue confused with unnamed Andy wife as there was talk of it being an all male evening instead if OP hadn't gone - I blame waking up earlier than usual Grin