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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel annoyed at this evening

255 replies

Malteser71 · 21/05/2021 00:45

We went out for dinner tonight with another couple. I’ll call them I’ll call them Tom and Sue. We’ve known them for almost 20 years so they are good friends, however we haven’t seen them in a long time due to covid.

I’ve also been WFH for 16 months now. I’m really lacking in adult company. We have two teenage kids and a dog, they are mainly the only people I’ve had to talk to. DH works outside the home.

Tonight was the first time I’d been out socially since last summer, I was very much looking forward to catching up with them and just having some adult conversation.

When we arrived at the restaurant, it seemed Tom had invited a friend of his that we loosely know (Andy). It seems that Andy had suggested seeing Tom tonight, but rather than telling Andy that he already had plans, Tom invited Andy to join us.

Andy’s wife has gone to London with work, so he brought his teenage son instead. I know the son, I find him very hard work, I wouldn’t choose to go out socially for a meal with him (I’m nearly 50, we are all a similar age).

It turns out that Tom told my husband about this change of plan earlier in the week, he didn’t think it important so didn’t mention it to me.

So basically I thought we were going out with friends but I’ve just spent the evening next to a teenage boy who I don’t really like, listening to him holding court on a variety of topics, interrupting, stifling our conversation and being a bit of a knob.

My own teenage children were at home. They’d have loved to come out for a meal, but I didn’t invite them because it was supposed to be ourselves and another couple.

I’m just furious with DH for not telling me about this change of plan, or for agreeing with Tom that it was fine to invite Andy and his son. I’ve had absolutely no adult conversation, I’ve just eaten an Italian meal listening to a teenager going on about why we should all be vegan.

aIBU to be really annoyed and feel cheated of my night out? It feels as though I wasn’t considered important enough to consult.

OP posts:
LozzaXxxx · 24/05/2021 12:18

I think it would have been awkward to did-invite them if you’d known through your husband beforehand. He probably didn’t see the point in telling you. I think the man in the couple you’re friends with shouldn’t have invited his friend without asking first, that’s what has caused all the trouble. If I was Sue I’d have consulted with you and we could perhaps let the men + child go out one night and rearranged the couples night out for just the four of you a couple of days later, stressing to both men not to just randomly invite others. Sue had the most control to change this situation. If it ever happens to you again, say you want to sit with your friend and get one of the thoughtless blokes to sit next to him instead.

LozzaXxxx · 24/05/2021 12:19

*dis-invite sorry

lottiegarbanzo · 24/05/2021 12:40

Oh, Sue's Tom's mum is she? She let's him go out sometimes but has to remind him how to behave?

I mean, congrats on finding a way to blame a woman, however convoluted and grasping at assumptions that way might be.

Andy caused the problem by inviting his friend. His friend exacerbated the problem by bringing his son. OP's DH imposed the problem on her, by not telling her. Had she known, she could have chosen not to go. No disinvitations needed. Three men are to blame here. Two women are not.

LozzaXxxx · 24/05/2021 20:24

Are you ok 😂

lottiegarbanzo · 24/05/2021 21:50

Very well thanks. Yourself?

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