To not lend her my stuff?

[TentTalk]

TLDR: DH and I are avid campers and bought a new (expensive) tent in the 2019 black Friday sales, we've used it twice and now friend who has never camped before wants to borrow it. We said no and 'friend' has called us selfish and says we've ruined her and her kids holiday. AIBU?

As above, DH and I are keen campers and have camped for many years, back packing in the UK and across Europe. With the arrival of DC2 we bought a new large family tent for more comfort. It's great but it was really expensive, but we feel its an investment and we will treat it well. We bought it in November 2019, ready for the 202 season (hah!) we managed to use it twice last year and have 3 trips booked this year (all UK). A friend recently said she would like to try camping, I suggested she book one of the times we are going, so we could share some o the equipment like the stove and stuff, rather than her forking out for all new kit when she may not like it, or that she goes to one of the 'glamping' sites where it is all set up for you. She then said she had already booked a week and had hoped to borrow all our stuff. She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish. I said I don't mind lending her the kids sims and sleeping bags and the camp stove but the other stuff, especially the tent is just too much.

My concerns are that it will get damaged, either by wind or misuse (fire too close, kids not being careful, someone getting drunk and stumbling over it etc). We do have insurance, but it is only valid when we use it, not if we loan it out. The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person.

AIBU?

If it's relevant, we have over £2k of camping equipment and the tent was about £750.

She’s insane. It’s your stuff. The costs of her holiday include the equipment she needs to do it.

She wouldn’t still be my friend after that. Shockingly entitled.

So she booked the week before asking if she could borrow the kit, then calls you selfish because you said no?
I think she's more than a bit entitled.

What a cheeky cow, booking the holiday before even asking. It's her that's ruined her kids holiday through lack of planning. I wouldn't want to lend something so valuable and easily damaged

YADNBU! She was cheeky and presumptuous to think you would just hand over all your gear.

That's really not on. She doesn't sound like a friend to me. My friends wouldn't dream of making plans based on my belongings. It wouldn't even cross their mind. Even if they did want to borrow something they would never count on it beforehand or make it seem like an expectation I should agree to.

Bonkers. Can you offer to lend her your old tent?

Camping items are expensive. It would be so upsetting if the tent returned wet and scrunched up with poles/pegs missing as she as a novice doesn't know how to properly care for the tent/camping items.

I can't believe someone would book a camping holiday with no camping equipment before asking the person first!

YANBU Christ she’s a CF! Do people really behave like this? She doesn’t sound much of a friend, OP.

No YANBU. People are the same with ski gear, think that lending it all out is no loss to you when actually, it never all comes back in the same condition and even if it’s not damaged it shortens the life of the equipment. Just say several people have asked and you’ve decided that you won’t be lending it out to avoid problems.

To say you’ve ruined her holiday is beyond CF territory.

Crikey, is she for real?

I lent a friend my tent once - I asked her to dry it out once home etc and she assured me it was all fine. Next time I used it there was a huge gash in the sewn-in ground sheet! I was so cross. She hadn’t even mentioned it.

People who don’t camp have little idea of how to look after camping stuff. Definitely don’t lend it to her! She shouldn’t have booked assuming you’d lend it.

Saucy cow. Tell her you are going away that week and she should have asked first. Then with any luck she will never contact you again.

You mean she booked her camping trip before she asked if she could borrow your stuff? Cheeky entitled fucker alert! YANBU. You can pick up tents etc quite cheaply if you want to give camping a go, lidl had them the other week, point her in their direction. The cheek to suggest you've ruined her holiday

Do not lend her your stuff.

Do not lend it. If she's never been camping before, it's more likely to get ruined somehow. She's a cheeky fucker for even asking.

Cheeky and daft. She can do what everyone else seems to do - hop on to Freegle asking if anyone has any unused camping equipment that they can take to try it out. You don't experiment with £2k worth of kit, that's like asking to borrow someone's car so you can see if you fancy taking driving lessons.

She may genuinely not understand the risks so it might be worth explaining things like damage to seams not becoming obvious until the next time the tent is up when it's raining, or damage to poles not becoming obvious until there's some load on them, but I'm not sure I'd be going to great lengths to keep up a friendship with someone who behaved like that.

Yanbu!! No way would I lend my best tent out unsupervised 😮😮

I am lending a similarly priced tent to a friend, but we are going backpacking together and I will be there to pitch it etc.

Your friend clearly doesn't understand the value/ implications if she breaks it

Oh good, I was genuinely starting to doubt myself!

Our old tent wouldn't be big enough for her unfortunately, it's why we replaced it - it's a "3 man" but anyone who has ever camped will know they actually mean 3 twigs who don't move in their sleep. We just about coped in it with DC1 but it wasn't comfortable. She wouldn't get her family of 4 in it.

No no no no no! Don't lend her anything, not the kids stuff, not an old tent, nothing. Cheeky cow

Well you should not be the one paying for her holiday.

But don't you have an old pop-up tent or kids tent for 2-3 people? Tell her, she can have that but please don't tell her how small it is .

YADNBU, We recently forked out for camping gear, not even expensive stuff either and I wouldn't lend it out.

YANBU we are not avid campers so we picked up a cheap tent for about £100 in Go Outdoors. It's served us well the few times we've used it. We only needed to upgrade to a sturdier set of pegs. I don't see why she can't do the same.

YANBU insane request. And her rudeness afterwards is uncalled for. She can buy a not-to-of-the-range tent for a few £££s. She should do that.

YANBU. So glad you said no. Is she always this entitled and are you used to managing her?

Decathlon also has cheap good quality camping stuff.

@mainsfed

YANBU. So glad you said no. Is she always this entitled and are you used to managing her?

Yes she is, and yes I am. I'm very cautious with our friendship, its more "coffee and walk in the park" type of a friendship, she is unreliable and quite entitled (though never before with me) but can be good fun.