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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not lend her my stuff?

347 replies

TentTalk · 20/05/2021 11:24

TLDR: DH and I are avid campers and bought a new (expensive) tent in the 2019 black Friday sales, we've used it twice and now friend who has never camped before wants to borrow it. We said no and 'friend' has called us selfish and says we've ruined her and her kids holiday. AIBU?

As above, DH and I are keen campers and have camped for many years, back packing in the UK and across Europe. With the arrival of DC2 we bought a new large family tent for more comfort. It's great but it was really expensive, but we feel its an investment and we will treat it well. We bought it in November 2019, ready for the 202 season (hah!) we managed to use it twice last year and have 3 trips booked this year (all UK). A friend recently said she would like to try camping, I suggested she book one of the times we are going, so we could share some o the equipment like the stove and stuff, rather than her forking out for all new kit when she may not like it, or that she goes to one of the 'glamping' sites where it is all set up for you. She then said she had already booked a week and had hoped to borrow all our stuff. She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish. I said I don't mind lending her the kids sims and sleeping bags and the camp stove but the other stuff, especially the tent is just too much.

My concerns are that it will get damaged, either by wind or misuse (fire too close, kids not being careful, someone getting drunk and stumbling over it etc). We do have insurance, but it is only valid when we use it, not if we loan it out. The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person.

AIBU?

If it's relevant, we have over £2k of camping equipment and the tent was about £750.

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/05/2021 14:46

@daisyducky

Well done for saying no. It's hard to do at times.

I will never borrow a tent again. Years ago when going to Glastonbury my friends colleague offered us her tent. We thought great saves us buying one! In the end it was so stressful looking after it, cleaning it and drying it out, etc. It was a good tent as she enjoyed camping holidays but I was so scared we would damage it. I'm sure we probably did looking at all these responses from campers 😬

I was thinking the same.

We used someone else's tent and the zip broke. Cost us a bliddy fortune to get another one and get it properly sewn in (I wouldn't even attempt something like that myself). I couldn't have given it back damaged - I just couldn't.

I worry so much about other people's stuff that I'd rather rent/buy our own.

UpTheJunktion · 20/05/2021 14:47

@MotherOfGremlins

YDNBU!

Experienced campers: when you have to pack up your tent in a downpour or when it's wet, how do you manage to air it out later?

You can pitch it in your garden when you get home - doesn't matter if it is still raining, just leave it out there (zipped up) til the rain stops and it dries.

If you have no garden and it is lovely when you get home, put it up for a couple of hours in the park.

Or....I have had mine draped over step ladders in the bedroom / spare room / front room before now. Maybe drape over bannisters.

Wipe with clean towels or tea towels. Very gentle fan heater to speed the process up.

It is a complete pain.

If you have had a lovely sunny afternoon and rain is forecast for the next morning it is worth it, IMO, to pack up the night before. Or if there is a rainy morning followed by a glorious afternoon on your last day ask if you can pay for extended stay or an extra night.

A wet pack up is the worst thing. I am lucky enough to have done only two.

redastherose · 20/05/2021 14:48

You are absolutely right not to agree. I have lent 2 tents out over the years and both came back in a real state. One completely ruined and scrunched up wet. Its expensive equipment and she is unlikely to take care of it if she isn't used to camping.

MotherOfGremlins · 20/05/2021 14:50

@UpTheJunktion thank you! In the past I've brought a tent home wet and dried it in the garden - but there isn't room in my garden now! I reckon I'd just have to hope for the best, see what I could arrange to pack up early / stay later, or use ladders Smile

Snog · 20/05/2021 14:52

This doesn't sound like the behaviour of a friend.
This is not your problem or responsibility OP.
She can buy a tent very cheaply herself or borrow one from someone else.

PremierSmeage · 20/05/2021 14:52

"Cheers, kids crying now". Grin

ElderMillennial · 20/05/2021 14:53

YANBU OP

Dont lent out something you're not happy lending and potentially not getting back in the same condition / at all

If shes that kind of person I don't expect she'd be that careful or offer to replace the tent if there were an issuw

notalwaysalondoner · 20/05/2021 14:54

That's bonkers - it's one thing to hope/ask before she booked, another thing to have a tantrum when you said you'd rather not.

It's similar to my best friend who despite my hints, hasn't offered me any baby stuff despite not planning any more children and me expecting my first. I'd like her to, but I'd never let her know I was disappointed that she hasn't.

TakeMe2Insanity · 20/05/2021 14:57

Do not lend your stuff. Characters like this always damage stuff and then blame the equipment etc

insertrandomusernamehere · 20/05/2021 15:01

What a cheeky cow. You're not being unreasonable AT ALL. DH and I have been camping before but never with children. We're preparing a big trip with friends and I can't believe how expensive 'family-size' camping equipment is. You were being incredibly generous offering to share your stove, etc. but she's taken the biscuit wanting your tent. I'd call time on this friendship if I were you.

AryaStarkWolf · 20/05/2021 15:03

@MotherOfCrocodiles

Bonkers. Can you offer to lend her your old tent?
I honestly wouldn't even offer that now after the way she spoke to the OP
Lockdownbear · 20/05/2021 15:04

Op I'd have said No too.
I used to not mind people borrowing stuff but now I hate it. Stuff never comes back in the same condition.

Summersnake · 20/05/2021 15:12

Cf
She has no right to your stuff ,absolutely say no

Mysterian · 20/05/2021 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Zzelda · 20/05/2021 15:42

If she booked a holiday on the assumption that she could borrow equipment without checking first, the only person who ruined it is her. I guess you could send her details of tent hiring companies.

The friendship is probably at an end, but it doesn't sound as if that would really be any loss.

NotMyTent · 20/05/2021 15:45

I lent a good friend a, thankfully not expensive, tent for a festival. She fell on it. There might have been alcohol involved.

It's a nope from me to your CF friend

To not lend her my stuff?
GreatOak · 20/05/2021 15:46

YANBU! Many years ago now my DF lent his prized [albeit extremely old-fashioned] canvas scouting tent to a neighbour, who let her son and his mate go camping in I t. They both got so drunk that they were sick all over it. Packed it back up covered in sick and returned it without saying anything. When DF got it out a few weeks later it stank, the sick had turned mouldy and eaten through the canvas, tent was ruined. Sad

Poor DF, he LOVED that tent!

Ninkanink · 20/05/2021 15:49

Oh HELL NO you’re not being unreasonable!

Tsubasa1 · 20/05/2021 15:49

She's a CF. Tell her there are tents for 10/20 pounds available in Asda. You are generous to have offered to lend her the rest of the things tbh.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 20/05/2021 15:51

@WithRosesAroundTheDoor

I bet that she doesn't like camping once she's tried it. In my experience people like her never do. Must be something to do with having to actually do something for yourself.

We used to have a camper van. Nothing flash but ours and we loved her (Mabel).
The number of cheeky, entitled vague acquaintances who thought that they would just borrow her was astounding.
One especially cheeky fucker thought that I should lend it to her 18 year old son to live in, in another city for three months while he did some training. Apparently there was some scrub land next to the college that would be 'just perfect'.

Erm... No! Hmm

Wow! That is totally cheeky. Hope you always said NO. There was a case on Judge Rinder where a man loaned out his camper van and the cunt 'friend' fried the clutch.

SIL doesn't drive. Her on/off partner has DUIs, endless speeding tickets, all sorts. She asked to borrow our car once. Nope.

reesewithoutaspoon · 20/05/2021 16:15

Nope. I lent a tent out. they packed it away wet and didnt let on. next time i came to use it, it stunk and had mould all over it.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 20/05/2021 16:17

What a stupid entitled cow. No you don't have to lend your expensive tent to be destroyed by her brats and she has ruined her own holiday by not saving up for her own tent.
I'd unfriend this person immediately.

Funnyface1 · 20/05/2021 16:18

I wouldn't lend her anything now.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 20/05/2021 16:23

@Funnyface1

I wouldn't lend her anything now.
This. Because CFers like her will come back and ask you to lend the other equipment. This isn't a friend. Cut her loose.
Getoutofbed25 · 20/05/2021 16:24

No.....just no. I’m really fussy about my tent, we take care of of it and dry it before putting away etc to ensure no damp, imagine opening it up to crumbs and spilt drinks. It’s easy to accidentally burn a tent if the fire is close. She should have booked a pod if she doesn’t want to buy kit.
How eill they know how to erect your tent and the tension of the ropes etc. Your going away the very next week you’ll be wanting to check your kit is all functional before going.
She is super cheeky in my opinion,,...she has ruined her own holiday by booking something she doesn’t have the kit for.