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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not lend her my stuff?

347 replies

TentTalk · 20/05/2021 11:24

TLDR: DH and I are avid campers and bought a new (expensive) tent in the 2019 black Friday sales, we've used it twice and now friend who has never camped before wants to borrow it. We said no and 'friend' has called us selfish and says we've ruined her and her kids holiday. AIBU?

As above, DH and I are keen campers and have camped for many years, back packing in the UK and across Europe. With the arrival of DC2 we bought a new large family tent for more comfort. It's great but it was really expensive, but we feel its an investment and we will treat it well. We bought it in November 2019, ready for the 202 season (hah!) we managed to use it twice last year and have 3 trips booked this year (all UK). A friend recently said she would like to try camping, I suggested she book one of the times we are going, so we could share some o the equipment like the stove and stuff, rather than her forking out for all new kit when she may not like it, or that she goes to one of the 'glamping' sites where it is all set up for you. She then said she had already booked a week and had hoped to borrow all our stuff. She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish. I said I don't mind lending her the kids sims and sleeping bags and the camp stove but the other stuff, especially the tent is just too much.

My concerns are that it will get damaged, either by wind or misuse (fire too close, kids not being careful, someone getting drunk and stumbling over it etc). We do have insurance, but it is only valid when we use it, not if we loan it out. The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person.

AIBU?

If it's relevant, we have over £2k of camping equipment and the tent was about £750.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 20/05/2021 13:35

Say you are willing to hire it out for a fee with a security deposit upfront.

Thats more than reason.

RedToothBrush · 20/05/2021 13:36

(She won't take you up on the offer cos she's a cheeky cow and thinks she can beg freebies off people and try and guilt trip them for saying no)

Cactuslockdown · 20/05/2021 13:37

We lent my SIL out new tent. When they returned it there was some small damage, nothing major but it just showed they’d not taken care of it. They didn’t mention it to us. It was a big purchase for us at the time abs they hadn’t taken care of it... sounds petty but it changed my opinion of her. YANBU to not lend your tent to your friend and she IBU to assume you would!

proudwomansexmatters · 20/05/2021 13:39

YANBU. Ask her to give you £750 as a deposit incase she breaks the tent.

BangingOn · 20/05/2021 13:41

YANBU, she is massively entitled.

I’m sure she wasn’t planning on spending any money on camping equipment at all, but there are quite a few businesses that rent out camping equipment if she doesn’t want to commit to buying.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 20/05/2021 13:42

@MotherOfCrocodiles

Bonkers. Can you offer to lend her your old tent?
Assuming the OP is real, then not on your Nellie. Had I received this as a response to declining a favour I was under no obligation to give, I wouldn't loan her so much as a hammer to bash in the tent picks.

Anyone who doesn't want treating as a mug for the duration of their natural should think twice about rewarding people for arsehole behaviour like this. Oddly enough, you'll never be better thought of for it.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 20/05/2021 13:42

Tent pegs, sorry, not picks.

LakieLady · 20/05/2021 13:44

She's a cheeky fucker!

She could get this big bugger for £120, probably less than she'd pay to take the family to a theme park for the day.

www.halfords.com/camping/tents/halfords-6-person-family-tunnel-tent-291358.html

I used to keep an old tent for lending out. My DP persuaded me to lend a good Vango tent to his son for a weekend, and I foolishly agreed. It came back with several split poles (the little shit hadn't bothered to use most of the guy ropes, they were still tied up in the distinctive way I tie them, so the poles had been subject to a lot of bending in the wind), a fag burn in the sewn-in groundsheet and a small hole (probably a burn) in the flysheet. I was bloody furious, and DP bought a replacement.

Even though I don't camp any more, I still wouldn't lend it, just in case they suddenly find a cure for arthritis and I want to take it up again.

Does your friend want to buy some second-hand stuff, OP? Wink

Heyha · 20/05/2021 13:46

Good grief, YANBU. If it had been can we borrow a couple of extra chairs, or your stove so we can have two pots on the go, fine. But you sound like you'd have loaned her that and more anyway.

YANBU to be cautious about your tent. There's not many people I'd lend mine too and it isn't even anything special.

MzHz · 20/05/2021 13:48

How did you actually leave it? What did you say to her when you told her no

Will she come back and pressure you?

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/05/2021 13:53

I think with this woman, you had a choice of a) the friendship being ruined when she damaged your kit or b) the friendship being ruined because you refused to lend her your kit. At least with a), your kit is intact.

The vote says it all. There’s never 100% even if everyone agrees as someone always accidentally clicks the wrong way and not realising they can just change their vote by making the correct choice.

BikeRunSki · 20/05/2021 13:54

YANBU, dh and i own some excellent camping stuff. I no longer lend it out. Every time I left anyone ate g it has come back damaged. Cigarette hole in flysheet; mouldy (obviously put away wet, not aired and not returned until too late), broken tent pole.

Decathlon, Go Outdoors, Facebook are helpful in this situation.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 20/05/2021 13:55

If they even bother telling you in the first place, people like this will invariably tell you that "it broke" rather than "I broke it" - thus absolving themselves of any responsibility; sometimes even trying to make you feel guilty for spoiling their experience by lending them shoddy goods!

1forAll74 · 20/05/2021 13:55

She is too cheeky for words, and a bit nasty when told a firm NO;
I am not a camper, but can she not hire tents and equipment.

rainbowstardrops · 20/05/2021 13:55

You ANBU at all!!!! She's a cheeky mare and you were right to say no to her.
She can sort her own mess out!

WithRosesAroundTheDoor · 20/05/2021 13:57

I bet that she doesn't like camping once she's tried it. In my experience people like her never do.

Must be something to do with having to actually do something for yourself.

We used to have a camper van. Nothing flash but ours and we loved her (Mabel).
The number of cheeky, entitled vague acquaintances who thought that they would just borrow her was astounding.
One especially cheeky fucker thought that I should lend it to her 18 year old son to live in, in another city for three months while he did some training. Apparently there was some scrub land next to the college that would be 'just perfect'.

Erm... No! Hmm

FunMcCool · 20/05/2021 13:58

The entitledness of it all would piss me off!!

daisyducky · 20/05/2021 13:58

Well done for saying no. It's hard to do at times.

I will never borrow a tent again. Years ago when going to Glastonbury my friends colleague offered us her tent. We thought great saves us buying one! In the end it was so stressful looking after it, cleaning it and drying it out, etc. It was a good tent as she enjoyed camping holidays but I was so scared we would damage it. I'm sure we probably did looking at all these responses from campers 😬

Lemonandlime123 · 20/05/2021 14:03

You don't need to justify yourself, it's your equipment and if you don't want to lend it out that is absolutely fine! Your friend doesn't sound very nice.

billy1966 · 20/05/2021 14:03

Camping gear needs such careful packing up and minding, a total dose from a friend of mine who's husband adored it for a few years.
There is no way someone borrowing it would take that care.

I firmly believe NEVER loan anything you truly value.
It's not worth the hassle.

She's not your friend.
You are an opportunity to her.

Well done for clearly saying no.

I wouldn't loan anything to her.

MotherOfGremlins · 20/05/2021 14:11

YDNBU!

Experienced campers: when you have to pack up your tent in a downpour or when it's wet, how do you manage to air it out later?

SleepingStandingUp · 20/05/2021 14:23

Shouldn't have booked a camping holiday without a tent. No chance I'd lend it out. It isn't even her doing anything obviously stupid, just trying to put it up or down badly can damage it

MrsBarnstable · 20/05/2021 14:31

Lol, don't you just love it when people try to play on your manners and try and guilt you into something you had no part of
Fuck her
I predict that she'll come back with 'You have really upset the kids, they've been crying/sobbing/been inconsolable all day. They can't believe you've done this to them. They were really, really really really really looking forward to it and YOU have ruined it'
Get yourself in the brace position 🤣
She's a brazen mare

TentTalk · 20/05/2021 14:34

She's probably related to the cheeky mare from the other week who was holding a barbecue by assuming she could borrow one from a guest Grin

I read that thread it was hilarious! Totally something my friend would do too. I'd have thought it was her except she does already have a BBQ!

OP posts:
PastaLaVistaBBY · 20/05/2021 14:37

Yanbu. You didn’t ruin her holiday, she was bloody stupid to book a holiday on the assumption that she could help herself to someone else’s things.