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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not lend her my stuff?

347 replies

TentTalk · 20/05/2021 11:24

TLDR: DH and I are avid campers and bought a new (expensive) tent in the 2019 black Friday sales, we've used it twice and now friend who has never camped before wants to borrow it. We said no and 'friend' has called us selfish and says we've ruined her and her kids holiday. AIBU?

As above, DH and I are keen campers and have camped for many years, back packing in the UK and across Europe. With the arrival of DC2 we bought a new large family tent for more comfort. It's great but it was really expensive, but we feel its an investment and we will treat it well. We bought it in November 2019, ready for the 202 season (hah!) we managed to use it twice last year and have 3 trips booked this year (all UK). A friend recently said she would like to try camping, I suggested she book one of the times we are going, so we could share some o the equipment like the stove and stuff, rather than her forking out for all new kit when she may not like it, or that she goes to one of the 'glamping' sites where it is all set up for you. She then said she had already booked a week and had hoped to borrow all our stuff. She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish. I said I don't mind lending her the kids sims and sleeping bags and the camp stove but the other stuff, especially the tent is just too much.

My concerns are that it will get damaged, either by wind or misuse (fire too close, kids not being careful, someone getting drunk and stumbling over it etc). We do have insurance, but it is only valid when we use it, not if we loan it out. The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person.

AIBU?

If it's relevant, we have over £2k of camping equipment and the tent was about £750.

OP posts:
FuckyouCovid21 · 20/05/2021 11:59

It's not your problem to solve, you've told her no and because she's been a dick about it I wouldn't be offering her anything of yours, nor any advice on where to buy stuff. She created the issue, she can sort it out

Weepingwillows12 · 20/05/2021 12:02

Is there any way she could have misinterpreted your offer to share equipment (you mention stoves etc) as an offer to share the tent? Or is she just really cheeky? If I thought someone had offered me a tent then changed my mind after I booked I would be a bit peeved.

Standrewsschool · 20/05/2021 12:05

That’s really cheeky to assume she can borrow your stuff. Maybe when you offered to share the stuff whilst camping at the same time, she took that invite to mean borrow it whenever. Although it sounds like this offer was made after she had booked her holiday.

You are not being selfish at all. You haven’t ruined her holiday, she has.

TentTalk · 20/05/2021 12:06

@Weepingwillows12

Is there any way she could have misinterpreted your offer to share equipment (you mention stoves etc) as an offer to share the tent? Or is she just really cheeky? If I thought someone had offered me a tent then changed my mind after I booked I would be a bit peeved.
No, it was all one conversation - me: "ooh you could come with us, that way we could share the cooking as we've got a big stove, you'd only need tent and sleeping stuff, or they do those glamping sites so you try before you buy sort of thing" her: "well actually we've booked a week in Cornwall xxth to xxth, and we were thinking we could just use your stuff, your new tent would sleep 4 wouldn't it?" Brazen as you like.
OP posts:
rookiemere · 20/05/2021 12:07

Absolutely not. I merrily offered our camping stuff out to people until DH warned about the wear and tear.
If she doesn't want to spend much money she could try gumtree of Ebay for used stuff, although I believe it's going at a bit of a premium these days.

PinkSatinMoon · 20/05/2021 12:08

She's so rude and entitled, she's a user. You dud well to say No immediately. 🌸

rbe78 · 20/05/2021 12:09

Absolutely not - lending expensive kit to non-campers is a recipe for disaster. Lidl are selling ok looking four man family tents at the mo, something like £120 I think.

OlympicProcrastinator · 20/05/2021 12:10

She is not a decent friend.

YANBU. At all.

She’s a CF pisstaker and it sounds like she’s not used to hearing the word ‘no’. You’re teaching her an important lesson. Don’t give in.

Mumdiva99 · 20/05/2021 12:11

I lent a tent - it was damaged in wind, packed up wet and went mouldy. My friend did eventually admit why he wouldn't return it. We haven't fallen out forever over this - but I am never lending a tent out again. (Even I damaged my brand new porch window by leaving the kichen stand too close to the window and it ripped on the metal in the wind. I was so annoyed - but it was my own fault.)

There is no way I would let your friend borrow all your new stuff.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/05/2021 12:12

She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish

The proof you've done the sensible thing is right there - it's hardly likely that someone with an attitude like this would look after your stuff, far less take any responsibility if it's damaged

What's the point in a "friendship" where you already have to cautious and now this?

Gensola · 20/05/2021 12:14

lol I would ditch the “friend” and keep the tent Grin she is cheeky and entitled.

Weepingwillows12 · 20/05/2021 12:16

Then you are doing the right thing saying no and she is very cheeky.

Allllchange · 20/05/2021 12:19

She could rent a tent and have it all out up on the site ready for her or, as people have suggested buy from eBay/gumtree. I wouldn't lend my airbeam as I just can't afford to replace it if it gets damaged. I lent a friend a tent and as I wanted to ensure it didn't get mouldy and put it out to air in the garden. It reeked of urine on the outside and clearly one of the guys had peed against it at some point. So had to clear it off then re water proof it. Massive hassle.

TeapotCollection · 20/05/2021 12:19

😂 at 3 man tent meaning “3 twigs who don’t move in their sleep”. Hilarious! We’re not campers but I actually can imagine this being the case

Stand your ground OP, massively cheeky and presumptuous

LemmysAceCard · 20/05/2021 12:20

We used to camp over at car shows so have a collection of decent stuff. We lent our smaller tent (which was handy when DP went on his own) to our son for a couple of nights.

The tent came back covered in sick and was folded damp . We had to bin it.

I would never lend expensive equipment as accidents happen and some people dont give a crap how they treat other peoples belongings.

YellowFish12 · 20/05/2021 12:20

You did the right thing.

Yellow doesn’t lend tents.

I occasionally lend my pop up to friends when we do group camps but that’s only where I can supervise and it’s only £60!

My £700 tent... no fucking way. It would end a friendship if it got trashed.

Wineat5isfine · 20/05/2021 12:22

We are a camping family and I would lend out our tent / equipment either, having spent over £3k getting every single thing that we needed and wanted.

However, the first time we went as a family, we bought a very cheap tent from Argos and cheap beds...just to see if we liked it. You don’t have to spend a fortune on a trial holiday...I’d send her some ideas on how to trial it on the cheap and leave it at that!

LalalalalalaLand123 · 20/05/2021 12:24

That's no friend, OP.

Justlovedogs · 20/05/2021 12:24

Another for the YANBU camp. Long time camper when younger. It's not for everyone and if they're first timers they won't have a clue about looking after your equipment. And that's just for starters. So many things U about her 'request'!

Womencanlift · 20/05/2021 12:25

Who books a holiday where you need equipment without asking if you can use it first (if that’s what you are relying on)?

Well a CF does which is what OP’s ‘friend’ is. YADNBU and I hope she sees this thread to help her realise what a CF she is

Beautiful3 · 20/05/2021 12:26

We upgraded to an expensive, bigger tent. Bil asked to borrow it, because he was a novice (and not good at taking care of stuff) we lent him our old one. It came back with a snapped rod and mould, because he packed it up wet and forgot to air it out. I'm really glad we never lent him our new one now. Stick to your guns, you did the right thing! The tents yours to enjoy your holidays, not anyone else's!

Whitchurch · 20/05/2021 12:27

I was persuaded to lend my awesome Quecha '2 seconds' pop up tent. It came back damaged because they couldn't be arsed to fold up up correctly. Never, ever lend your tent! In fact, don't lend any of your gear. The things like stoves, kettles, sleeping bags etc can be assembled reasonably cheaply.

RogueMNerKnowsNoShame · 20/05/2021 12:28

sighs happily and grabs 🍿

Sorry, op, but I really missed threads like this in lockdown Flowers to make up for my lack of empathy

IntermittentParps · 20/05/2021 12:28

Cheeky cat, isn't she?

I'd say you can do without coffees and walks in the park with someone like that.

Stompythedinosaur · 20/05/2021 12:29

Definitely not being unreasonable! My very expensive tent is my pride and joy and I don't lend it. Inexperienced campers are too likely to damage it or pack it away in a way where it will be ruined.