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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not lend her my stuff?

347 replies

TentTalk · 20/05/2021 11:24

TLDR: DH and I are avid campers and bought a new (expensive) tent in the 2019 black Friday sales, we've used it twice and now friend who has never camped before wants to borrow it. We said no and 'friend' has called us selfish and says we've ruined her and her kids holiday. AIBU?

As above, DH and I are keen campers and have camped for many years, back packing in the UK and across Europe. With the arrival of DC2 we bought a new large family tent for more comfort. It's great but it was really expensive, but we feel its an investment and we will treat it well. We bought it in November 2019, ready for the 202 season (hah!) we managed to use it twice last year and have 3 trips booked this year (all UK). A friend recently said she would like to try camping, I suggested she book one of the times we are going, so we could share some o the equipment like the stove and stuff, rather than her forking out for all new kit when she may not like it, or that she goes to one of the 'glamping' sites where it is all set up for you. She then said she had already booked a week and had hoped to borrow all our stuff. She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish. I said I don't mind lending her the kids sims and sleeping bags and the camp stove but the other stuff, especially the tent is just too much.

My concerns are that it will get damaged, either by wind or misuse (fire too close, kids not being careful, someone getting drunk and stumbling over it etc). We do have insurance, but it is only valid when we use it, not if we loan it out. The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person.

AIBU?

If it's relevant, we have over £2k of camping equipment and the tent was about £750.

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 20/05/2021 13:07

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

LoudestCat14 · 20/05/2021 13:08

You're not BU in the slightest. It takes proper care to get a tent back in the bag after you've taken it down and if they don't have experience chances are they'll shove it back in and rip it. She should never have booked it without asking first, it's her fault.

DumplingsAndStew · 20/05/2021 13:09

YANBU

Maybe you could loan her a barbecue though? Wink

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/05/2021 13:13

That’s utterly unbelievable! What a cheeky cow!

Who books a holiday on the assumption they can borrow someone’s really expensive stuff?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 20/05/2021 13:13

How did she know that you weren't going camping that week? Was she out walking with you and asking what your holiday plans were - not out of any interest in a friend's enjoyment of their holiday time, but purely running through the dates in her head, to see when it would be 'free'?

I think she deliberately booked it before asking, thinking you wouldn't feel able to say no once she'd done so. And the week before you go as well - what were her plans if it had rained on their last night and the tent had needed to be dried out before you left for your holiday? Let alone repairing or replacing anything they wrecked/lost.

Also, with novice tent-borrowers, it's far from uncommon for them to call you soon after they arrive , claim it 'isn't working' and expect you to drive over there to pitch it for them. Then, at the end, they either expect you to come back to take it down again or otherwise stuff everything any old how into the bag and expect the 'tent pixies' to sort it all out ready for the next use.

Any difficulties they have with pitching/unpitching it will be blamed on the tent itself and/or you and not a moment's thought to their own incompetence - or responsibility to look after it.

0ntheg0again · 20/05/2021 13:14

Would she even be able to set up the tent, we also invested in an expensive Outwell tent and it takes both me and my husband to set it up and it's not quick either! You definitely did the right thing

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/05/2021 13:17

It was madness - and cheeky fuckery - on her part, to book the holiday on the assumption she could borrow all your kit - and you are not being at all unreasonable to say No, @TentTalk!

knittingaddict · 20/05/2021 13:18

I agree with you op.

We did borrow camping equipment in the early days because we had no money, but my husband was a keen camper and ex boy scout. He knew what he was doing.

We once lent a tent to a friend and he packed it away wet. When we finally got it back the fabric had completely disintegrated. Fortunately it was a small one and not terribly expensive, but even so...

Lesson learnt.

CimCardashian · 20/05/2021 13:21

I think the poll results answer your question perfectly OP 😀

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/05/2021 13:21

Who has voted that you are being unreasonable? And WHY???!

LookItsMeAgain · 20/05/2021 13:21

I'm sitting here with my jaw on the floor!!!! How beautifully entitled she is....and how wonderfully wise to her antics you are Grin

If she complains to you again use this example for her if you like:
You go up to her and say something like I want to borrow your car the week before you know she needs it for an important trip but she doesn't know the condition you'll hand her it back in and she won't have time to get it repaired or replaced before her important trip.
You could hand it back in immaculate condition, fully valeted and with a full fuel tank and not a scratch on it. You could also hand it back with the gearbox fuxked up, doors hanging off, needing a new timing belt and the seats all dirty and damaged. Is she likely to loan you the car knowing the latter is a possibility too???

(I'm not saying you would do damage to a car but maybe she might actually 'get' why you said no)

SirVixofVixHall · 20/05/2021 13:23

She sounds very spoilt.
We have a pretty expensive tent. We had only used it once when an acquaintance asked to borrow it and I , feeling weak, said yes. They had a child’s birthday party and it arrived back all smeared in cake, no apology .
A complete contrast to the other much younger friends we lent it to, who dried it really well and packed it all away carefully.

SirVixofVixHall · 20/05/2021 13:23

I think the one person who voted YABU simply got the buttons mixed up and pressed the wrong one !

Womencanlift · 20/05/2021 13:26

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Who has voted that you are being unreasonable? And WHY???!
The OP’s ‘friend’ has found the thread Grin
Giantrooster · 20/05/2021 13:26

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Who has voted that you are being unreasonable? And WHY???!
OP'S friend, surely Grin
Giantrooster · 20/05/2021 13:27

Sorry @Womencanlift Grin

SlothMama · 20/05/2021 13:27

YANBU I have only lent my tent to my close family who will look after it, and if break anything will pay for it!

Anyone else nope, a lot of people don't realise how expensive camping can be to get the kit.

TedImgoingmad · 20/05/2021 13:28

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Who has voted that you are being unreasonable? And WHY???!
There's always one. Always.

From OP's posts, this person isn't even a close friend. To be asking for that type of favour is extraordinary. Although her type get through life on the back of people too polite, too people pleasing or too frightened of becoming a social pariah to say no. Well done for having kept her at arms length before now, OP, all the easier to ghost the CF.

Folklore9074 · 20/05/2021 13:29

Well done on saying no and holding your ground. You would 100% have regretted lending her your equipment. Tbh I'd really distance myself from her after that rudeness.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 20/05/2021 13:29

No, no, no, no. I would never lend expensive camping gear to someone who'd never camped before, especially with a couple of kids. People like this CF have no idea how expensive decent tents and gear are and no idea how to look after it properly. I have a canvas bell tent and I lend it to no-one, she is a thing of beauty and I luffs her. Whilst I don't mind sharing food (unlike Joey) Pluck doesn't share tents.

RaiseTheBeastie · 20/05/2021 13:30

Yanbu op.

We're also regular campers that spend a lot on equipment.

I think dh would rather give away one of the dc than lend out his tent Grin

BrightYellowDaffodil · 20/05/2021 13:31

YANBU - expensive things do not get lent, and nothing gets lent to CFs not least because their Cheeky Fuckerness also usually extends to an endless array of reasons why paying for any damage isn’t their responsibility.

Point her to Decathlon (who have excellent stuff and some of it is very cheap for the quality) and leave her to it.

Perching · 20/05/2021 13:33

Absolutely no way would I lend anybody my tent. I look after it as if it must last me 20 years. She is no friend.

Mellonsprite · 20/05/2021 13:33

Total CF! I hate lending things and say no now, as without fail everything I’ve ever lent has come back broken or been lost or I’ve had to repeatedly chase to get it back.
Why can’t she buy her own tent?

WeatherwaxOn · 20/05/2021 13:34

@igivein

So she booked the week before asking if she could borrow the kit, then calls you selfish because you said no? I think she's more than a bit entitled.
Exactly this.