To not lend her my stuff?

[TentTalk]

TLDR: DH and I are avid campers and bought a new (expensive) tent in the 2019 black Friday sales, we've used it twice and now friend who has never camped before wants to borrow it. We said no and 'friend' has called us selfish and says we've ruined her and her kids holiday. AIBU?

As above, DH and I are keen campers and have camped for many years, back packing in the UK and across Europe. With the arrival of DC2 we bought a new large family tent for more comfort. It's great but it was really expensive, but we feel its an investment and we will treat it well. We bought it in November 2019, ready for the 202 season (hah!) we managed to use it twice last year and have 3 trips booked this year (all UK). A friend recently said she would like to try camping, I suggested she book one of the times we are going, so we could share some o the equipment like the stove and stuff, rather than her forking out for all new kit when she may not like it, or that she goes to one of the 'glamping' sites where it is all set up for you. She then said she had already booked a week and had hoped to borrow all our stuff. She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish. I said I don't mind lending her the kids sims and sleeping bags and the camp stove but the other stuff, especially the tent is just too much.

My concerns are that it will get damaged, either by wind or misuse (fire too close, kids not being careful, someone getting drunk and stumbling over it etc). We do have insurance, but it is only valid when we use it, not if we loan it out. The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person.

AIBU?

If it's relevant, we have over £2k of camping equipment and the tent was about £750.

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

For a Christmas gift one year my Mum asked me for a very specific type of bag for sailing holidays, it needed to have wheels because she can't carry anything heavy for long, bright/distinctive so she could see it on the baggage belt, squashy/collapsable and it had to be within particular dimensions. I found the perfect one and she was thrilled with it.

While she was on a sailing holiday one of her friends said "Oh, that's the perfect bag for sailing, I can use it when I go to X next month." Mum felt backed into a corner and agreed.

The friend used it and then kept it for a second trip. Of course the woman managed to damage the wheel axle and of course she implied that Mum had loaned her shoddy equipment.

Poor Mum was telling me about this and was a bit pissed off but too nice to be pissed off at the friend. So, because I'm a total bitch, I gave her handy hints on backing the friend into a corner by text. So we started off with "Oh dear, that was a Christmas present from my daughter, she spent ages searching for just the perfect one and it suited me so well. I'd only managed to get one trip out of that." And them moved on to "Would you prefer my daughter to send you a link for the replacement or will I just tell you the cost and get my daughter to order it for you." Because everyone was trying to keep a veneer of politeness the friend couldn't say that she was refusing to replace it, even though it was clear as day that she was never going to offer to replace it. So Mum got a replacement bag. It wasn't shoddy, Mum has used it for several trips since and it's perfectly sturdy with normal, non-cf, usage.

Mum was then worried that the friend would insist on borrowing it again, but I told her not to worry because once you make that sort of person pay up for their damage they rarely ask again. But I said that if she does ask Mum should say that it didn't work out too well last time but here's a link for her to buy her own.

your poor Mum.. 🥺

Im so glad you gave her the courage to send that text and get her a replacement .. good on you lady 🌸💕

No you cannot use our tent. A friend will accept your decision.
An arsehole shit muncher will guilt trip you.

YANBU, I ended up lending my hike tent to someone on my Gold D of E expedition. The guy was an idiot and also entitled, not a camper, parents loaded always did villa holidays abroad. He broke the zip and I ended up having to pay for a new one to be put in, at my expense. I also ended up having a massive argument with him about how I didn't want him refilling a hot Trangia stove next to the tent as it could explode. All this and I was there at the time. Heaven knows how much worse it might have been if we hadn't been there. With the best will in the world tents get damaged, even when people think they are being careful. Tell them to get a cheap one on Facebook marketplace or Ebay. We also have a library of things opening soon, they plan to loan tents etc. They would be a better option.

My H was railroaded by a friend into loaning them the use of our Range Rover.
I was livid, I hate loaning anything for every single reason listed in this thread, and I didn’t want hundreds of miles added to it.
Anyway, the chap desperately needed it apparently and cornered my husband, who despite being a total non-pushover, said yes.
It came back filthy on the outside, but absolutely wrecked on the inside. There were muddy footprints from kids all over the leather seats, chocolate in the stitching, empty coffee cups and the steering wheel was weirdly oily.
Oh and they’d only left fumes in the tank.
Absolutely fucking raging.

Are range rovers not supposed to be covered in muddy footprints?

@pictish

Are range rovers not supposed to be covered in muddy footprints?

Land rovers are Range rovers can do a similar job but are much more luxurious I wouldn't be happy either

I would have texted Ranger Rover cf to say "I can see you were very busy and ran out of time to return the car in the same condition that you borrowed it. Kids are amazing, aren't they, the way they get their little feet everywhere, not to mention their snacks. I've booked it in for a wash and valet for you, it's £x so you can pass that along to DH whenever it's convenient for you."

Second text, immediately afterwards, "It was very wise of you not to fill the tank, we forgot to tell you whether it was petrol or diesel, that could have been a nasty mistake. You were lucky to make it back without running out. It was just over half full when we gave it to you, so about £y, let's put it with the valet and round it down to £z."

I can't imagine lending anyone my car. Doesn't matter the value I'd be raging if it came back dirty or mistreated.

Some caravan owners end up with the double grift - CFs expect to be able to borrow your caravan, but then don't have a suitable towcar themselves, so once you've grudgingly agreed, you get "we'll also need to borrow your car, of course".

What’s the point of having an all terrain vehicle being ‘more luxurious’? Do you mean they are for indicating one’s perceived status rather than off-roading?

Don’t get mud on my Range Rover. Ha ha.

If I had one it would be filthy.

@pictish

What’s the point of having an all terrain vehicle being ‘more luxurious’? Do you mean they are for indicating one’s perceived status rather than off-roading?

Don’t get mud on my Range Rover. Ha ha.

If I had one it would be filthy.

Perhaps driving over rough terrain in comfort is worth the price.

It’s far too close to your holiday, the anxiety about something happening to the tent would be too much for me.

Perhaps. So long as one doesn’t set foot outside the vehicle.

She's a total cheeky fucker!

I can see what you are saying, @pictish - and it seems a bit daft to me, to complain about an all terrain vehicle coming back t just rinses off, or needs a quick trip to the car wash.

What turned this particular instance into cheeky fuckery was leaving the inside so filthy and returning it running on fumes.

I hose mines down.. it's not difficult

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Some caravan owners end up with the double grift - CFs expect to be able to borrow your caravan, but then don't have a suitable towcar themselves, so once you've grudgingly agreed, you get "we'll also need to borrow your car, of course".

Both of whom get told NO in any form. Who the fuck even entertains such a request?

Oh, you'd be a complete fool to do so - except for somebody very close and trustworthy - but it's the CF's OM: to ask for part of what they want first and then push further, often trying to make their mark feel unreasonable as 'why would you offer A in the first place if you weren't willing to also give me B to go with it'?

Her saying you've ruined her kids holiday even though she booked a camping holiday without any equipment for camping what so ever has got me in stitches where do these types of people get their ideas from?

Good grief (in the words of Charlie Brown). Thanks Mumsnet - I see your point! Indeed my husband would be greatly relieved. I secretly knew, just thought it was me!

Say no i remember the first time I went camping i had no idea how to set up the tent. And mine wasn't as expensive as yours

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

I would have texted Ranger Rover cf to say "I can see you were very busy and ran out of time to return the car in the same condition that you borrowed it. Kids are amazing, aren't they, the way they get their little feet everywhere, not to mention their snacks. I've booked it in for a wash and valet for you, it's £x so you can pass that along to DH whenever it's convenient for you."

Second text, immediately afterwards, "It was very wise of you not to fill the tank, we forgot to tell you whether it was petrol or diesel, that could have been a nasty mistake. You were lucky to make it back without running out. It was just over half full when we gave it to you, so about £y, let's put it with the valet and round it down to £z."

Why on earth would anyone send such a passive-aggressive, long-winded text? You can simply say that it was lent clean with a full tank and came back dirty with no fuel. The cost is xyz, here are my bank details.

Talk about making a meal out of something simple.