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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think once you have dc your whole life becomes a series of things you don’t want to do?

813 replies

Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:14

Mine is. It’s constant.
Today I got up early to take dc1 to school. Then came back and listened to dc2 read (painful) and then took dc2 to school. Went to work. Went and fetched the dc. Took them to the park for an hour (massively boring). Got back. Cooked something they’d both eat and something else for DH that he’d eat, didn’t even bother making anything for myself because frankly it was too much effort. Did craft with dc2. Helped dc1 with homework. Played cricket with dc1. Bathed dc2 and listened to them scream about how they hated having a bath. Now I’m about to do bedtime stories for dc2 before going and playing a board game with dc1.

The weekend will consist of activities they want to do and I find deathly boring.

Does everyone find it deathly boring? I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish. I just find it SUCH HARD WORK and feel as though I only ever get to do what they want to do.
The weekend will be football sessions, swimming and then a trip to a farm - I don’t want to do any of those things.

OP posts:
angieb89 · 19/05/2021 20:16

What is your husband doing this whole time....?? Considering you work as well... Get him to help out!! No wonder your not enjoying it.

Also, have to agree, it's all about doing stuff you don't want to do haha!

Gymsmile21 · 19/05/2021 20:17

That’s not selfish, not in the slightest.

Yes most parents find things boring.

Not as much hard work as the OH though so that’s a plus!

NeverAgain123456 · 19/05/2021 20:17

Your not unreasonable but not liking children and their activities is the reason I didn’t have any. Did you not think about this?

burritofan · 19/05/2021 20:17

That’s why I break up the series of things I don’t want to do with something I do want to do: Wine.

You’re not wrong, it’s tedious. I do think it’s extra boring right now because there’s no respite from general life – yes the pubs are opening and lockdown is lifting but the rain has largely shat on that and it’s quite hard gearing back up to normal life after a year-plus of drudgery.

I quite fancy going to a farm though, sorry. Is there a tea shop? With a massive cake with your name on it?

PyjamaFan · 19/05/2021 20:18

This is precisely why I chose not to have children.

Original poster
Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:18

There’s soft play at the farm 😩

OP posts:
Twotinydictators · 19/05/2021 20:19

Well you don't sound selfish to me!

Let them get on with it a bit more, you are important too. You don't have to fill every moment for them, carve some time out for yourself.

DelBocaVista · 19/05/2021 20:20

This is why we trained DS to like the pub 😂😂

SmokedDuck · 19/05/2021 20:20

Some things are unavoidable, and to some extent adult life is about things you have to do but don't really want to.

But you probably don't have to spend quite so much time doing things that the kids like and you don't.

Lizzie523 · 19/05/2021 20:20

Child free and this thread does not motivate me to change that. What's your husband doing?

TuesdayRuby · 19/05/2021 20:20

Do something you want to do then! Husband, Babysitters, childcare etc. Get someone else to watch the kids whilst you go for some “‘me time”.

ShirleyPhallus · 19/05/2021 20:20

@NeverAgain123456

Your not unreasonable but not liking children and their activities is the reason I didn’t have any. Did you not think about this?
Oh fgs. Have you never moaned about anything in your life ever? Or is every single thing you don’t enjoy or negative thing your own fault for deciding to do it?
RiverSkater · 19/05/2021 20:21

I'd say you are spectacularly unselfish. I don't do most of this.

Doing child centred things when you are not a child is boring. Just like doing adult things is boring for the child.

Dacquoise · 19/05/2021 20:21

Yes it can but with hindsight was it absolutely necessary to sign up children for all those activities? I did loads of stuff that bored me silly because I thought I SHOULD. It never occurred to me to set limits and ensure space for myself. I was there for my daughter 24/7. I also had a very selfish husband who avoided most things and I let him get away with it.

Perhaps set some boundaries that give you regular down time, delegate some stuff to your partner if you have one or family if you can. I didn't get any medals for ferrying my daughter to loads of activities and certainly didn't have that as a child myself. It's a current parenting issue.

NeverAgain123456 · 19/05/2021 20:21

“some extent adult life is about things you have to do but don't really want to.“

What an absolute load of shit! Could only be said by a downtrodden mother!!

Original poster
Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:21

They follow me around saying Mum mum mum mum mum mum mum.

I actually cannot remember the last time I had any time alone. I’m either at work or with the dc. I suppose I have my 20 minute commute.

OP posts:
RoseDelatour · 19/05/2021 20:22

I don’t think you’re too selfish. Parenting is majority compromise. Sometimes I forget what I actually want to do or who I actually am 😂 Having some time and space (I went back to my career after a few years as a SAHM) is so refreshing. Every now and then I have a little thought of EOW “off” would be nice too. Sometimes I get to drink hot tea and read a magazine on a weekend. I’m hoping I can do some work travel soon...that will be my time off!! Just to be myself again. Sympathies. I hate playing trains and Lego construction!!

Susie477 · 19/05/2021 20:22

And this is one of the many reasons why I’m childfree by choice, with absolutely no regrets. Having children isn’t actually compulsory and it isn’t for everyone.

Dishwashersaurous · 19/05/2021 20:22

Are you single parent?

And simply cook one meal for all of you.

You need to enjoy doing things with the kids, and also do things that you want to do.

And if they have a dad then he does half of the activities, giving you time to do what you want

AnyFucker · 19/05/2021 20:23

You are not wrong

It seems like you need more “me time” in your day though. Insist your husband looks after his own children more, the proper boring stuff not just the nice bits

Dishwashersaurous · 19/05/2021 20:23

what is their father doing?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/05/2021 20:23

Well, lockdown has made it worse, as I don’t go out to work in an office and see people or have as much of a social life for myself.

But my job is interesting, I do see friends, ans my kids and I now have shared interests so not all bad!

NeverAgain123456 · 19/05/2021 20:23

@ShirleyPhallus the OP is talking about not enjoying almost every aspect of her life! Quite different to not enjoying a film at the cinema or a car you’ve bought!

Mumof1andacat · 19/05/2021 20:23

Does your husband not do any parenting? or bits around the house?

PremierSmeage · 19/05/2021 20:24

This is why I didn't have children. I am selfish. I couldn't and wouldn't do it. My kids would be very bored watching me drink wine while I shhhhhed them to keep it down. I could not go to farms or soft play.

You're a saint op.