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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think once you have dc your whole life becomes a series of things you don’t want to do?

813 replies

Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:14

Mine is. It’s constant.
Today I got up early to take dc1 to school. Then came back and listened to dc2 read (painful) and then took dc2 to school. Went to work. Went and fetched the dc. Took them to the park for an hour (massively boring). Got back. Cooked something they’d both eat and something else for DH that he’d eat, didn’t even bother making anything for myself because frankly it was too much effort. Did craft with dc2. Helped dc1 with homework. Played cricket with dc1. Bathed dc2 and listened to them scream about how they hated having a bath. Now I’m about to do bedtime stories for dc2 before going and playing a board game with dc1.

The weekend will consist of activities they want to do and I find deathly boring.

Does everyone find it deathly boring? I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish. I just find it SUCH HARD WORK and feel as though I only ever get to do what they want to do.
The weekend will be football sessions, swimming and then a trip to a farm - I don’t want to do any of those things.

OP posts:
EastWestWhosBest · 19/05/2021 20:49

@Milkminder

Pretend play 😩 Oh yes. I’d sooner craft than pretend play.

I’ve given up with DH. I just pretend he’s not here and get on with it.

No, fuck that shit.

He is as much their parent as you are. He gets to piss off on cycle rides and dick about at the gym when he wants. Well that stops.
Announce that Saturday morning you are going out, on your own, and he is going to have to parent. If he moans then remind him how much time out he gets with hobbies.

the fact that he can't see what is going on with you, that you aren't eating for example, shows how many fucks he gives.

Original poster
Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:49

It’s reassuring to see it’s not just me though.
I think retrospectively if I’d only had one dc it would have been ok, but I cannot please both of mine at the same time so they kind of tag team.
I love them both like crazy but I feel so worn out. Pandemic hasn’t helped. Pre pandemic I went to late night yoga once a week (when I’d got them to bed) and it was 45 minutes of peace and headspace. It’s not running again yet. There are some classes in the week but I’m at work and some in the evening but earlier on.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/05/2021 20:50

Ah, cross post. There is your problem right there

If you split he would have to step up. Perhaps you should consider it.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 19/05/2021 20:50

Yanbu to dislike the monotony of family life sometimes.

Yabu to describe it as "a series of things you don't want to do".

Yabu to have been unaware that parenting can get boring (even Mumsnet has been around for longer than you've had your children, it's not a secret any more).

Whineandwine · 19/05/2021 20:50

@Milkminder are you me?!! This morning after doing all the mundane chasing them around to get ready for the day stuff DC1 said ‘mum do you want to....’ and I said no before she finished speaking, felt terrible asked her to finish what she was saying and it was ‘be a patient at the dentist surgery I’ve made’ fucks sake. Why isn’t ever ‘mum do you want to have a cuppa and watch Good Morning with me?’

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/05/2021 20:50

Some of it is boring yes. I don't think anybody enjoys trawling through a red level reading book while they sound out every single letter, or dealing with tantrums/bickering. It's especially thankless to cook a meal you don't especially love only for it to be rejected.

But there's quite a lot I enjoy. I love taking them swimming, going bike riding together, playing outside with them. I find my eldest (now 4) quite good company, he's chatty and quite funny.

I find it helps to work out how you can combine what they want AND make it more enjoyable for you. Take them to the park, but meet another friend with kids, kids play together and you get some grown up company!!

kindlekeeper · 19/05/2021 20:51

It will end before you know it. Mine are teens. I hold on to this as it nearly done and I will miss it. EaRly years awful but good things come those that wait. It’s all more exciting f as they choose something and its less amateur. Dreading not being even a spectator occasionally. I’m no longer needed and that hard but also a good result

Original poster
Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:52

Whineandwine I’d sooner be a patient at a real dentist’s surgery than an imaginary play one and I have a hatred of the dentist 😂

The other night about 10pm dc1 said ‘want to play chess?’ No. I want to be left in peace for half an hour. Also my brain has ceased to function.

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/05/2021 20:53

Why isn’t ever ‘mum do you want to have a cuppa and watch Good Morning with me?’

See now mine will actually offer to "make me a coffee" (he will get the mug, put it on the machine which is totally automatic, and knows which button to press for the one I like Wink) and suggest we watch Shaun the Sheep.

I am fine with this. Grin

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/05/2021 20:53

And I'll say that children copy their parents. DD is kind, caring and stoic because that's what she sees a fair amount. Yours see laziness, fussiness, pandering and opting out of everything because mum will do it.

Fuck that noise. Mum won't any more.

PremierSmeage · 19/05/2021 20:54

Just sling them each an iPad with Netflix and Minecraft on OP.

Sorted. Grin

PriestessofPing · 19/05/2021 20:55

I can’t even begin to imagine how resentful i’d feel if I were doing all that while my husband did his own sweet thing. Have you ever seriously considered splitting up?

Original poster
Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:55

I haven’t even got any space because DH put the PS4 in our bedroom as he has the tv in the living room and now inevitably dc1 is in there in the evening.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/05/2021 20:56

@PriestessofPing

I can’t even begin to imagine how resentful i’d feel if I were doing all that while my husband did his own sweet thing. Have you ever seriously considered splitting up?
Don't forget cooking him his own special meal while you're doing it. Shock
MintyMabel · 19/05/2021 20:56

Yes. But on the other hand, today DD (12) came home from school and we sat at my desk singing loudly while we did some online shopping, then had a hilarious conversation with a friend. Dinner, then we had a gossip about something that happened at school and read a story and now she is off to bed. There isn’t a single part of that I didn’t want to do.

It’s the rough and the smooth. To be honest most of the rough has been behind us for a few years, and we’re about to have more rough with the onset of teen, but the smooth really is good fun.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/05/2021 20:57

@Milkminder

I haven’t even got any space because DH put the PS4 in our bedroom as he has the tv in the living room and now inevitably dc1 is in there in the evening.
Have you got a handle on the side of your head? Brew
LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 19/05/2021 20:57

@Milkminder

Dc2 is little and dc1 is big. My age gap doesn’t help because they have such different needs. If DH is in the room with them and I’m in the kitchen they’ll bypass him to come and ask me. It drives me crazy. He doesn’t do anything much, does a lot of lying on the sofa and going to the gym / cycling at weekends.
"Darling, you have two parents. Go and ask Daddy."

"Mummy is busy."

Repeat until it takes effect. Mine are 5.5 and 18 months.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/05/2021 20:57

Having rtft I do think a bigger age gap is hard, you've been stuck straddling phases for a long time but the benefits of the different phases are being offset by negatives of other phases, eg your park scenario. My two both like the park, it's a godsend and occupies them easily. For you the benefit (youngest liking it) is totally offset by eldest whinging about it, thus you can't win. You have my sympathies.

Herewegoagainok · 19/05/2021 20:57

How old is dc1? If high school age then they shouldn't be quite so demanding of your time? I think the lockdowns have made children quite reliant on their parents for entertainment. It's something I'm trying to sort at home with mine anyway.

Dishwashersaurous · 19/05/2021 20:57

you really need to tackle tackle dh.

These children have two parents.

He needs to step up

HarrisMcCoo · 19/05/2021 20:57

Your time's never your own. I get it!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/05/2021 20:58

On and you definitely have a big, big DH problem. He needs to help more. A lot more.

Ostara212 · 19/05/2021 20:58

@Milkminder

It’s reassuring to see it’s not just me though. I think retrospectively if I’d only had one dc it would have been ok, but I cannot please both of mine at the same time so they kind of tag team. I love them both like crazy but I feel so worn out. Pandemic hasn’t helped. Pre pandemic I went to late night yoga once a week (when I’d got them to bed) and it was 45 minutes of peace and headspace. It’s not running again yet. There are some classes in the week but I’m at work and some in the evening but earlier on.
Sorry to be OT but wondering how late your yoga class runs?

Honestly, go on strike for DH. no cookimg, laundry etc.

Where is he on Saturdays?

Take Sundays off. If he's lying on the sofa, tell him you're off to the gallery.

My mum was a SAHM. It was a thing that dad did bedtime, and we spent all day Saturday with him so mum had peace. Sunday we all hung out.

And tbh the boring Sundays at the zoo or gardens were actually what my parents wanted to do!

Livpool · 19/05/2021 20:58

You are being a martyr and letting DH get away with not being a parent. Stop that straight away

problembottom · 19/05/2021 20:59

It sounds like you have a DH not a DC problem. Why does he get to do his own thing every Saturday - surely it’s fairer to alternate them?

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