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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think once you have dc your whole life becomes a series of things you don’t want to do?

813 replies

Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:14

Mine is. It’s constant.
Today I got up early to take dc1 to school. Then came back and listened to dc2 read (painful) and then took dc2 to school. Went to work. Went and fetched the dc. Took them to the park for an hour (massively boring). Got back. Cooked something they’d both eat and something else for DH that he’d eat, didn’t even bother making anything for myself because frankly it was too much effort. Did craft with dc2. Helped dc1 with homework. Played cricket with dc1. Bathed dc2 and listened to them scream about how they hated having a bath. Now I’m about to do bedtime stories for dc2 before going and playing a board game with dc1.

The weekend will consist of activities they want to do and I find deathly boring.

Does everyone find it deathly boring? I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish. I just find it SUCH HARD WORK and feel as though I only ever get to do what they want to do.
The weekend will be football sessions, swimming and then a trip to a farm - I don’t want to do any of those things.

OP posts:
Goldrill · 19/05/2021 20:35

Feel your pain op - and you do a lot more "proper " parenting stuff than me. Lot to be said for tablet and telly. Weekend trips must involve a Very nice lunch, or a trip to a garden I will like, or a proper walk; those things happen and they can have an hour on the slides (as long as I have a coffee).

I would also recommend signing up for blood donors; peace to read a book and lie down, with tea and biscuits. Happy days!

NeverAgain123456 · 19/05/2021 20:35

@ShirleyPhallus it doesn’t sound like OP enjoys them very much!

Stovetopespresso · 19/05/2021 20:36

I agree OP its soooo mind numbing! I think I have PTSD now have grown out of the mega needy toddler+ stage.But it does get better. Sounds like you love them loads but could do with a break!

burritofan · 19/05/2021 20:36

Ah, you don’t have a DC problem, you have a DH problem.

Also, my fondest childhood memories are of going to B&Q or Wickes every weekend with my dad; or sometimes the supermarket. You don’t have to do their hobbies that bore you; give them a taste of tedious adulthood too! The THRILL of the big car wash! Going to get PETROL! QUEUEING at the post office!

Original poster
Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:36

If I take them somewhere I’d like to go but they wouldn’t they just moan endlessly and I find it more of a trial than a pleasure.
I’d like to go to galleries (now they are reopening), for a day in the nearest city, for an unrushed look around the library that wasn’t the children’s section, for a walk around the shops where I can actually look instead of just grabbing anything that looks vaguely ok because I can’t stand the moaning anymore. I’d like to go to a painting class. I’d like to go to yoga outside at the local arboretum. But it’s on a Saturday and DH is never here in a Saturday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:38

I hate going to the park - especially after the last 12 months 😂
My age gap means that dc1 hates it too and moans but dc2 still likes it. It’s always hard work because I end up trying to supervise dc2 whilst playing football (badly) with dc1. They both want my attention all the time and that’s part of the issue.

OP posts:
ladygindiva · 19/05/2021 20:38

@Milkminder

Dc2 is little and dc1 is big. My age gap doesn’t help because they have such different needs. If DH is in the room with them and I’m in the kitchen they’ll bypass him to come and ask me. It drives me crazy. He doesn’t do anything much, does a lot of lying on the sofa and going to the gym / cycling at weekends.
This is the problem. My dp likes his hobbies but if he gets a morning doing one then I get the same time in the afternoon to do whatever I want. You sound like a great mum who has a dp problem tbh.
Staffy1 · 19/05/2021 20:40

Why couldn't you have just made a bit extra of either what your kids ate or your DH ate, or are you as fussy as them?

DelBocaVista · 19/05/2021 20:40

Firstly, your DH needs to do more. This situation isn't acceptable.

Secondly, I don't think there is anything wrong in teaching kids that they have to put up with doing things adults like too.

AFS1 · 19/05/2021 20:40

How old are your kids, OP?
I found the toddler/pre-school stage relentless and miserable hell.

My youngest is 6, and can be tiresome but I stick him on the iPad and read a book and as he’s getting older the range of stuff that we can do as a family increases. We’re all off to watch a West End show in the autumn that I’ve been desperate to see forever, we go to a festival every year, we all enjoy the same type of holiday (which happens to come with wraparound childcare so partner and I can grab a few hours each day by ourselves).

Plus I echo what PPs have said. Alternate lie-ins at the weekend with your husband, factor in a few hours each week to do your own thing.

OwlBeThere · 19/05/2021 20:40

They don’t stay small forever. I much prefer parenting as they get older

aramox · 19/05/2021 20:42

Why do child free people come on mn to say 'this is why I didn't have kids'? Genuinely baffling.

userxx · 19/05/2021 20:42

Your husband needs to pull his finger out of his arse and actually help.

Dishwashersaurous · 19/05/2021 20:42

So yet again its a DH problem.

Of course you are bored and worn out you never get a break.

This week tell dh that you are going to do yoga, and that from now on you will be not looking after the children on a Saturday morning so he will be.

And how big is dc1 . If he is 10/11 then you can start leaving him at home when you go to the park for an hour to build his independence

Lorw · 19/05/2021 20:43

Sounds like you have a DH problem to me, both parents deserve downtime and time to themselves and you both should be working as a team to make sure the other parent doesn’t get burnt out.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/05/2021 20:44

I love doing things with DS. I much prefer days out to the pretend play he always wants to do at home - shooting with nerf guns, etc. He loves restaurants so we go out for dinner a lot, that's something we both enjoy. When I take him to his hobbies he doesn't need my involvement so I just sit and chill with a coffee.

I do get time to do my own thing sometimes as I'm divorced and exh is involved so DS is with him sometimes. That makes all the difference.

DarcyLewis · 19/05/2021 20:44

@Milkminder

If I take them somewhere I’d like to go but they wouldn’t they just moan endlessly and I find it more of a trial than a pleasure. I’d like to go to galleries (now they are reopening), for a day in the nearest city, for an unrushed look around the library that wasn’t the children’s section, for a walk around the shops where I can actually look instead of just grabbing anything that looks vaguely ok because I can’t stand the moaning anymore. I’d like to go to a painting class. I’d like to go to yoga outside at the local arboretum. But it’s on a Saturday and DH is never here in a Saturday.
Don’t be a martyr - no one appreciates it and you never get a medal.

If you want to do stuff you need to get on and do it, and give your DH half the parenting duties.

Starface · 19/05/2021 20:45

Actually its incredibly important to model good self care, which includes setting boundaries (I'm sorry I can't do that right now I'm having a cup of tea) and ensuring your own needs are also met (right now is my 20 mins to do my exercise, here have a tablet/go ask your Dad). Doing these things is essential for you, as you can't ignore your own needs for 20 years and expect to be ok. It is also essential parenting. A martyr is not a good model.

Once you've done that a bit more, hopefully you can really find the joy in being and sharing with them. Not being burnt out will really help with this.

Original poster
Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:45

Pretend play 😩
Oh yes. I’d sooner craft than pretend play.

I’ve given up with DH. I just pretend he’s not here and get on with it.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/05/2021 20:45

You're problem is you have a third, middle aged child who you cook for but adds nothing to the household.

Change that. He's not allowed to opt out any more than you are.

DarcyLewis · 19/05/2021 20:46

@Milkminder

Pretend play 😩 Oh yes. I’d sooner craft than pretend play.

I’ve given up with DH. I just pretend he’s not here and get on with it.

Kick him out then and he can have the kids every other weekend and one night in the week so you get a break.
AnyFucker · 19/05/2021 20:48

Op, why are you ignoring the questions about how much parenting your husband does ?

angieb89 · 19/05/2021 20:48

@Milkminder

Pretend play 😩 Oh yes. I’d sooner craft than pretend play.

I’ve given up with DH. I just pretend he’s not here and get on with it.

Then stop making him dinner! If he can't help with the kids you can't help him with his dinner. Or his washing, stop everything you do for him!
SpeedRunParent · 19/05/2021 20:48

You have a choice OP. Either spend the next ten years whining about how boring your children are and feeling sorry for yourself or accept that all parents feel like this sometimes and learn to find joy in the small things in life; the giggles of excited children, the little victories when you get them to step outside their comfort zone and achieve something new, the privilege of being someone's whole world - their mum.

seriouslystressedoutmama · 19/05/2021 20:49

@Milkminder

Pretend play 😩 Oh yes. I’d sooner craft than pretend play.

I’ve given up with DH. I just pretend he’s not here and get on with it.

This makes me sad for you. It sounds like you need a wknd to yourself. Book Sunday for you. Fair is fair. Switch off the phone and go do what you want to do
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