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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think once you have dc your whole life becomes a series of things you don’t want to do?

813 replies

Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:14

Mine is. It’s constant.
Today I got up early to take dc1 to school. Then came back and listened to dc2 read (painful) and then took dc2 to school. Went to work. Went and fetched the dc. Took them to the park for an hour (massively boring). Got back. Cooked something they’d both eat and something else for DH that he’d eat, didn’t even bother making anything for myself because frankly it was too much effort. Did craft with dc2. Helped dc1 with homework. Played cricket with dc1. Bathed dc2 and listened to them scream about how they hated having a bath. Now I’m about to do bedtime stories for dc2 before going and playing a board game with dc1.

The weekend will consist of activities they want to do and I find deathly boring.

Does everyone find it deathly boring? I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish. I just find it SUCH HARD WORK and feel as though I only ever get to do what they want to do.
The weekend will be football sessions, swimming and then a trip to a farm - I don’t want to do any of those things.

OP posts:
Keepitonthedownlow · 19/05/2021 20:24

Is this not what TVs are tablets are designed for ?

burritofan · 19/05/2021 20:25

I’ve made it 2.5 years without ever discovering what soft play is, I just know I won’t like it. I’m training DD to like baking cakes, weeding the garden, and shouting “ANOTHER dog poo!” in the park.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 19/05/2021 20:26

How old are they? Ds is now 7 and thinks got better around age 5.I found baby and toddler stuff boring as hell.

ZoeMaye · 19/05/2021 20:26

Nothing could have prepared me for the relentlessness of it, no. Especially this year with lockdown and everything it's been one long parenting Groundhog Day. I am so ready for a bit more adult time now

RoseDelatour · 19/05/2021 20:26

When I was a SAHM I actually day dreamed about having my appendix removed, cos a few days in hospital seemed like such a nice idea for rest and recuperation 🤦🏼‍♀️

BrownEyedGirl80 · 19/05/2021 20:26

things not think

Suzi888 · 19/05/2021 20:27

@NeverAgain123456

Your not unreasonable but not liking children and their activities is the reason I didn’t have any. Did you not think about this?
I just think maybe we didn’t realise HOW much time it would take up! It’s bloody endless! I can’t remember doing all these activities at this age, all of the time that parents seem to be expected to do these days?!!

I didn’t have homework when I was five. I enjoyed reading, (not sure if I read at five, can’t remember). The highlight of my week was going to town, park or the beach at the weekend. We didn’t do anything week days, my dad worked and my mum was a sahm who worked her socks off in the house. After school I’d watch a bit of tv/play with toys (on my own mostly), have my dinner, bath,
book and bed! That was it!
DD is almost 5 and not even tired yet, but she is going to bed now whether she likes it or not!

ladygindiva · 19/05/2021 20:27

@DelBocaVista

This is why we trained DS to like the pub 😂😂
Brilliant! Among the many things I'm grateful to my ( loving) parents for, it's teaching me that parents are allowed to have fun and it's not ALL about the kids. Regularly dragged to pub / social club / boring grown up socials and expected to entertain ourselves like they sat through my riding lessons / swimming lessons / kids parties etc.
ShirleyPhallus · 19/05/2021 20:28

[quote NeverAgain123456]@ShirleyPhallus the OP is talking about not enjoying almost every aspect of her life! Quite different to not enjoying a film at the cinema or a car you’ve bought![/quote]
Bravo for pointing out that she was wrong to even have children then Hmm

AnxiousFTMFriendlyAdvicePlease · 19/05/2021 20:28

What things would you be doing if you had the choice? Anything you could do with the children and try and get them interested in? Visiting gardens, going walking, there must be something?!
You also need time to yourself at least one evening a week to do a hobby, meet friends or whatever.
Also what is DH doing in terms of childcare?

Singalongasong · 19/05/2021 20:29

This is why I go to bed far too late - some days, late evening is the way we get child free time.

Can you get DC1 at least into their bedroom a bit earlier and do something for you from 8.30? If you really can find no joy in life, that may be a symptom of depression... but even in my non-depressed mode I can totally relate to what you're saying.

Exhausted4ever · 19/05/2021 20:29

You aren't selfish for not enjoying the kid shite but still doing it. Being an adult sucks with its monotony and responsibilities even before adding in parenting. You are being a martyr though, why are you doing everything? Where's your husband in this? And cook something you all like or at least simple variations. Don't cook for everyone but yourself, that's plain silly

MangoBiscuit · 19/05/2021 20:29

OP, I say this in the nicest way possible. Stop being a fucking martyr.

Arrange some things that you like to do too. Cook meals that you like too (adaptations if someone really hates an ingredient) One meal, and your DH can reheat. Or you feed the kids, and your H cooks for both of you when he gets in. Tell your H that he fucking steps up too. Answer "Mum mum mum" with "have you asked Dad? Book in some time where you do something YOU like, be it with or without the rest of your family. You are allowed to do all of this. It doesn't make you shit mum (I'd actually argue it makes you a better one) Champion yourself and your needs for a bit. You didn't stop being human because you had kids.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/05/2021 20:29

You have to rope your DH in (and stop cooking for everyone but yourself). Like it or cook for yourself.

OhMyAttic · 19/05/2021 20:30

How old are they? If they're old enough to be playing cricket and have homework, why are they screaming about having a bath?

OodieWoodie · 19/05/2021 20:30

I know this thread is tongue in cheek but I also think it's sad. You are effectively teaching your kids that you don't matter. Then you will wonder why your kids grow up to be entitled little sods who don't bother with a mothers day card in 20 years time.

Getting dragged round doing something that you want to do one Sunday afternoon will be good for your kids OP.

Iloveknockknockjokes · 19/05/2021 20:31

I hear you OP. I have no answers my life is the same.

HollyHardcastle · 19/05/2021 20:31

Do you have a partner OP?
DH and I were finding the relentlessness tough so we alternate lie-ins at the weekend and also try to make sure we each get 2-3 hours of 'me time' to do whatever we want while the other one entertains the kids. Makes such a difference.

stillreallytired · 19/05/2021 20:31

Well, yes and no. I mean obviously some things are boring but many are very enjoyable and besides I get pleasure from what they enjoy.

It’s nice to get a bit of adult time when they are in bed though.

Mylittlesandwich · 19/05/2021 20:33

I'm still early on the parenting journey (17 months) but you have to carve out some time for yourself. Sometimes I get my nails done, either DH or my sister will take care of DS depending on who's free and who's working.
Parenting is hard but you still matter. DH should take them for a bit so you can have some time to yourself. Also if your DH wants a special dinner cooked he can do it himself.

Original poster
Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:33

Dc2 is little and dc1 is big. My age gap doesn’t help because they have such different needs.
If DH is in the room with them and I’m in the kitchen they’ll bypass him to come and ask me. It drives me crazy.
He doesn’t do anything much, does a lot of lying on the sofa and going to the gym / cycling at weekends.

OP posts:
DelBocaVista · 19/05/2021 20:33

Brilliant! Among the many things I'm grateful to my ( loving) parents for, it's teaching me that parents are allowed to have fun and it's not ALL about the kids. Regularly dragged to pub / social club / boring grown up socials and expected to entertain ourselves like they sat through my riding lessons / swimming lessons / kids parties etc.

Absolutely- this has been our approach. When we plan weekends and holidays we explain that everyone gets to do things they like.

DS loves the pub and the local Indian restaurant 😂😂

Hurr8cane84 · 19/05/2021 20:33

Your DH needs to do more and take the kids out on his own. And you need to scale down on some of those activities, there's nothing wrong with not doing all those things so you can do sth you enjoy (even if that's just having a lazy Sunday or watching crap tv). Don't martyr yourself, they need to learn they are NOT the centre of the universe and that mums have their own lives and interests.

OrangeRug · 19/05/2021 20:34

You don't sound selfish at all. Sounds like you do a lot more with your kids than I do with mine. I obviously make sure my DD is fed/clean/given affection etc but I largely just leave her to her own devices. I just do not have the patience for endless activities. I love her dearly but I should not have had a child and won't be having any more. So definitely YANBU.

TuesdayRuby · 19/05/2021 20:35

I actually think you’ll enjoy the kids stuff much more if you ensure you get a regular fix of adult time too.
I regularly lock myself away in the bathroom and tell the kids that DH is in charge. Or plan a night out with friends! Assuming you have a DH with half an interest in being an active parent to his kids.
When I’ve been doing me stuff I actually miss my little ones and can’t wait to take them to the park the next day.