To think rubbing your genitals in someone's face I assault, whatever their age?

[MargeSimpson00]

Ds got in trouble today after a scuffle. Nothing to serious, no one was hurt just some tripping/shoving. Teacher dealt with it, is keeping both boys in tomorrow as punishment. All not an issue. Ds was pretty upset when he got home and it turns out the reason he retaliated was because when he was on the floor after being tripped, the other boy 'teabagged' him. Rest of the class circled and laughed, obviously causing a lot of embarrassment to ds.

So although I'm fine with the punishment, aibu to speak to the teacher about this? I don't think it's something to brush under the carpet tbh and think it need addressing.

my son told me he was 'teabagging' the other day (also 10) .. he just bobbed up and down a bit -its defiantly some weird gaming thing (not sexual at all)

It is not a nice thing to do - but not 'sexual' .. IMO

@AccidentallyOnPurpose
I bet a lot of posters wouldn't have made so many excuses if OP's child was a girl instead.

This.

I know you're going to, but absolutely agree with the choice.

There's far too much victim blaming going on from some posters. Just because her son plays a game that includes portrayal of a particular behaviour, doesn't mean he consented. Just like someone watching MMA doesn't agree with being beaten up while out and about... I mean really people!

This other child obviously isn't mature enough for that content, because he should be aware that that behaviour is unacceptable. His parents should be aware (but from your posts are unlikely to care)

It is not a nice thing to do - but not 'sexual' .. IMO
Erm how is rubbing your genitals on someone’s face not sexual?! And it’s unwanted so yes it’s sexual assault.

sadly it's normal in schools this generation I only left year 11 5 years ago and on the daily guys would sexually harrass me , try and 'dick slap me' try and touch me, would try and stick each others fingers up each others bums etc., when I told me mum recently what had happened such as a lad make me touch his dick before allowing me to leave the classroom blocking me into a desk area and laughing it off, she's been horrified and stressed, a male friend of mine tried to rape me at prom also.

I'm supporting the school in his punishment as it's the rules, if you hit you're kept in. Ds understands that.

And this is why we have a generation of young people who are terrified of reporting anything to authorities

my son told me he was 'teabagging' the other day (also 10) .. he just bobbed up and down a bit -its defiantly some weird gaming thing (not sexual at all)

Here lies the problem. Adults know teabagging is something sexual. We also know that rubbing genitals in someone’s face could be considered a sexual assault and at the very least it’s a horrible act of dominance that is not acceptable IRL. I’d bet money that 10 yo’s who have grown up with fortnite and haven’t had a talk on boundaries probably don’t understand those connotations. It’s not good enough to say ‘10 yo’s know it’s not normal’. 10 years ago it wasn’t normal to suddenly start ‘flossing’ at random intervals, now we wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a 10 yo thrusting their hips and waving their arms enthusiastically at another child. This is one reason why violent games are so dangerous for kids. It’s becomes part of a sub culture, which slowly seeps into RL. And so many kids spend so much time gaming, it virtually is their whole existence.

Exactly @Dingleydel , even op says her son didn't realise until she had a talk about it a few weeks ago

Twerking wasn't a thing either but I see lots of young children , especially girls doing it. I doubt they realise as adults it's a very sexulised move

I'd speak to.the teacher so they are aware what happened and thet will hopefully make it clear to them all thars its totally unacceptable

I thought you were gonna say this kid is 4. At 10 that is not reasonable behaviour and i would talk to the school. I'd be wary of the language used - you don't want him labelled a pervert or anything at 10 but this sort of behaviour needs to be addressed before it escalates.

For the others saying "how did he know tea bagging at 10" cummon really? you didn't discuss dodgy sex terms with your friends when you were that age? I deff did - most of them learnt from TV or old siblings. I am sure with the internet its even easier. I am deff not a pervert

@MargeSimpson00

Sorry, I've reread my op and should have stipulated that it wasn't bare genitals. I still think it needs addressing though?

It does need to be addressed. It is just not OK.

In gaming if a woman does this to another player It’s called a clam slam or a taco dip.

Gaming culture makes me feel extremely old.

@grapewine

In gaming if a woman does this to another player It’s called a clam slam or a taco dip.

Gaming culture makes me feel extremely old.

I'm just grateful I am too old to know all about it! It sounds quite terrifying and disgusting @grapewine!

I dont think its victim blaming at all to suggest that allowing primary school children to play these games that are aimed at an older age group at the minimum, is part of the problem. children imitate what they see - at 10 years old they have no idea the seriousness of what teabagging or other such vile terms actually means.

yes, the boy who done this obviously done it to be a moron and yes it was embarrassing and a very unpleasant experience for OPs son. But this is where parents need to take some responsibility for what they are allowing their children to play and watch. if they are engaging in material that shows things like this and it is not explained to them why it is not appropriate in the real world how do they differentiate between what is in the gaming world, a victory move and outside of it a sexual act?

@NewMatress

OP, did DS tell you he was "teabagged" or did he tell you exactly what happened? What you think teabagging is and what a bunch of 10yos think it is, is not necessarily the same thing.

This bit is really important. Children don’t always use the right words. Their meaning for body parts might be different than yours. What you think happened may actually be something slightly different.

Clam slam and teabagging were definitely around when Xbox live started, the respawn screen would be your corpse for 60 seconds so your oppo could humiliate your corpse by crouch/(Halo) that was the early 2000's.
Fortnite has just refreshed it.
At 10 they need to be aware it's completely out of order.
Good luck with school OP.

Twerking wasn't a thing either but I see lots of young children , especially girls doing it

😳🤢 Where the fuck are their parents!!???

That was a horrible thing to do. No wonder your son got upset and retaliated. I really think you should speak to the school about it, so they can stop it right away before it becomes the new joke to play on others.

Also, for what it's worth, I think you're doing a great job with what's allowed re gaming. For those who don't have children that age, it's hard to understand just how much of the kids' conversations, language, etc is based around it. If my son was that age, I'd absolutely let him play, because it does him no good to be excluded from a massive part of his peers' everyday interaction. It still doesn't give anyone the right or an excuse to get away with vile behaviour, and I think it is wrong that people are pulling you up on that, instead of focusing on what happened.

@Closetbeanmuncher watching them and if youtubes anything to go by some of them are encouraging them

I think some of it is intent. The boy must have intended to hurt, upset and humiliate ops son. I don't think he intended to sexually assault him, he's probably unaware of that . He sounds like a bully.

Obviously that's what it would be if done by a grown adult as adults know rubbing your genitals in the face of someone who isn't consenting is sexual assault

@MargeSimpson00

You are condoning the behaviour by facilitating the gaming.

I'm sorry but this is bollocks.

What? This makes no sense how is op condoning her son being assaulted by allowing him to play fortnight? Madness

@TheMamaYo people are pulling parents up on allowing their children to engage with material that is above their maturity level because of exactly what happened here. 10 year old boy sees gaming move, replicates it in the real world with no idea of what it really means. of course it is relevant

@TheMamaYo my dc are that age and not everyone is playing fortnite. There are about 8 boys in his year who play it. Most of the children in his year play things like tag, football, imaginary play still, pretending to run businesses or schools or something to do with hogwarts, talk about cars, football, space, a whole lot of stuff which is nothing to do with gaming. The children who game are definitely the most violent and aggressive of the year group. There is definitely no need to play it to fit in or have the same lingo.

The fact that the OP's ds was upset is completely understandable, and I think the OP is right to not want to sweep it under the carpet, but at the same time, the OP's ds reacted to what happened by fighting and getting physical himself and the fact is not all ten year olds would have reacted physically. They would have been angry and upset but most of the boys in my dc's year group would not have retaliated physically. They would have got the teacher. There is a possible link between the OP's ds playing violent video games and how they reacted.

Also, if the OP raises this with the school, which i think she should do, as she says in her first post, one of the things the school will probably do is to highlight to all parents the dangers of allowing ten year olds to play fortnite.

Hope the school took it seriously if you spoke to them op

Would be interested to know if there is an update.