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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think rubbing your genitals in someone's face I assault, whatever their age?

223 replies

MargeSimpson00 · 19/05/2021 16:07

Ds got in trouble today after a scuffle. Nothing to serious, no one was hurt just some tripping/shoving. Teacher dealt with it, is keeping both boys in tomorrow as punishment. All not an issue. Ds was pretty upset when he got home and it turns out the reason he retaliated was because when he was on the floor after being tripped, the other boy 'teabagged' him. Rest of the class circled and laughed, obviously causing a lot of embarrassment to ds.

So although I'm fine with the punishment, aibu to speak to the teacher about this? I don't think it's something to brush under the carpet tbh and think it need addressing.

OP posts:
KingAlex · 19/05/2021 17:09

Well if they are allowed to play games where this is done as a 'celebration' I assume? Then it's hardly surprising they think it's ok in real life too. The same as all the other dances etc that children tell me are on Fortnite and do regularly.

Yes of course it needs bringing up so school can address it, but parents need to also take some responsibility for what they expose their young children to.

Teabagging FFS! What is the age rating for the game?

Mrsjayy · 19/05/2021 17:10

I think this needs addressed with the school boys using their genitals in a fight really needs to be nipped in the bud . Sexual assaults are about power and them..doing this at 10 is quite scary.

SadSongsAndWaltzes · 19/05/2021 17:10

It might have come from gaming but it's definitely a sexualised move no matter where they learnt it.
I would definitely speak to the teacher op, that's bullying and your son shouldn't get in trouble for retaliating in my opinion.

Waiting423 · 19/05/2021 17:14

@SadSongsAndWaltzes

It might have come from gaming but it's definitely a sexualised move no matter where they learnt it. I would definitely speak to the teacher op, that's bullying and your son shouldn't get in trouble for retaliating in my opinion.
This entirely I’d be pretty horrified
JaninaDuszejko · 19/05/2021 17:16

I think those saying it's sexual assault are being a bit OTT. I doubt there was any sexual intent there at 10, he was more likely reproducing what they do in the game.

Sexual assault is always about dominance. The boy intended to humiliate the OP's son by rubbing his bum in his face. That is sexual assault. The school needs to know and come down hard on the parents.

hparkins · 19/05/2021 17:16

there is a reason games/tv programmes/films etc. have age limitations.

I understand you're upset OP but I dont for a second think the boy who did this has any idea what it actually means outside of fortnite and how sexual it is. however, it would be a good idea for the teacher to perhaps address their class as to what is and isnt appropriate.

TheOrigRights · 19/05/2021 17:16

Age cert for Fortnite is 12 so if parents have allowed their children to play it under that age then they have to take some responsibility for what their kids are learning from it, and how their using what they've learnt.

Nomorepies · 19/05/2021 17:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Mrsjayy · 19/05/2021 17:18

Is this really from gaming ? I've adult DC so I have no clue.

littlepattilou · 19/05/2021 17:19

@MargeSimpson00 YANBU! That's vile behaviour. Needs addressing, and a written warning giving.

TheOrigRights · 19/05/2021 17:20

"In video games, “teabagging” describes the act of a player (usually an enemy competitor) repeatedly crouching up and down over another player. It's a universal taunt that people use in fighting games, FPS games and sports games."

RampantIvy · 19/05/2021 17:22

I have never even heard of teabagging before now.

FatCatThinCat · 19/05/2021 17:23

YANBU to kick up a fuss about this. Your son has been sexually assaulted and that needs to be taken very seriously.

YABU for accepting your son being punished. He was being sexually assaulted and had every right to defend himself in that situation. I've drilled it into my son, walk away, don't lash out, find a teacher etc but if he's ever cornered, pinned down, grabbed and can't get away then he can use everything he's learnt at jujitsu to flatten the bastard.

JinglingHellsBells · 19/05/2021 17:24

When was the term invented? Never ever heard of it.

Original poster
MargeSimpson00 · 19/05/2021 17:26

Ds plays fortnite. There's not a boy in the class who doesn't tbh, rightly or wrongly. Ds is only allowed to play against people he knows who I have added, other kids play with strangers, older kids, adults. The term I believe isn't actually part of the game but something people started doing which filtered down to younger kids iykwim?

After I told ds the meaning of he word he was mortified. I don't imagine there was a sexual element to it at all (intentionally) but the fact is, my son would never ever humiliate another child like that and he wouldn't rub his bits against someone's face. It coming from a game is irrelevant really

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 19/05/2021 17:26

It might have come from gaming but it's definitely a sexualised move no matter where they learnt it.
I would definitely speak to the teacher op, that's bullying and your son shouldn't get in trouble for retaliating in my opinion
I agree with this.

Even if it has come from gaming, as adults we're surely aware that it's no coincidence that characters jumping on each other and rubbing genitals on each other's face to express dominance happens happens be given the name as a sexual act that is similar.

At best another child has been physical and engaged in an act to deliberately humiliate another or to assert dominance, at worst another child is simulating a sexual act and has an inappropriate level of knowledge for a 10 year old. Either way school needs to know and do more.

Killahangilion · 19/05/2021 17:29

What happened to your DS is clearly unpleasant, but I’m a bit shocked about you letting a 10yr old play Fortnite. I don’t allow 12yr old DS to play it because in my view it’s far too violent.
I think you need to take responsibility to review the games content that your child has access to.

Triphazard101 · 19/05/2021 17:29

A girl in my DDs class put her hand in her knickers when they were year 3, along with spitting at her and other unpleasant behaviour. I spoke to the school and the teacher was v nonchalant and said different kids had different boundaries on what was acceptable, and said the girl felt left out because DD had a really good friend in the class and the other girl didnt! Hmm

Tal45 · 19/05/2021 17:30

Jesus, I'm glad my ds doesn't play that and he's 15. I'd speak to the teacher about it, if this is what the kids are doing at 10 what are they going to be doing at 16?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 19/05/2021 17:31

Oh stop with the sexual assault comments. It's a gaming thing, learnt from Fortnite. The OP said herself that her son used the term recently without really realising what it meant, no doubt that's what's happened here too.

Yes it 100% needs to be dealt with but labelling a 10 year old a sex pest because he's copied something from a game without knowing the actual connotations is ridiculous

hparkins · 19/05/2021 17:32

children imitate what they see and hear.

maybe the teacher should have a chat with the class and have a word with the parents to explain that it's not appropriate for children of 10 to be playing a game that is aimed for atleast 12.

B1rthis · 19/05/2021 17:33

"although I'm fine with the punishment..."

You are fine with adults punishing your child for standing up for himself when he was assaulted and belittled in front of his peers?!

My questions to the teachers would be;
Did you ask my son to explain the reason he got into a fight?
What did you do to ensure my son is never violated like this again?
Is a safeguarding referral in place or shall I do this?

If this was on the street, if YOU were tripped over by another person in and they "tea bagged" you, and you were arrested for kicking and punching them... do you think that you (the victim) should accept a criminal record if charges were pressed?

OllyBJolly · 19/05/2021 17:33

I don't imagine there was a sexual element to it at all (intentionally) but the fact is, my son would never ever humiliate another child like that and he wouldn't rub his bits against someone's face. I'm sure the other boy's mother would say the same.

It coming from a game is irrelevant really
It really isn't. These young children are learning that inappropriate behaviour is acceptable. You are condoning the behaviour by facilitating the gaming.

Parents really have to own this. "Everyone else does it" is no excuse.

Original poster
MargeSimpson00 · 19/05/2021 17:34

@Killahangilion

What happened to your DS is clearly unpleasant, but I’m a bit shocked about you letting a 10yr old play Fortnite. I don’t allow 12yr old DS to play it because in my view it’s far too violent. I think you need to take responsibility to review the games content that your child has access to.
Ds not playing fortnite would have changed absolutely nothing that happened today. What exactly should I be 'taking responsibility' for?
OP posts:
FunTimes2020 · 19/05/2021 17:40

Horrible kid deserves a good telling off but shouts of sexual assault and call the police by PPs is frankly ridiculous