To think rubbing your genitals in someone's face I assault, whatever their age?

[MargeSimpson00]

Ds got in trouble today after a scuffle. Nothing to serious, no one was hurt just some tripping/shoving. Teacher dealt with it, is keeping both boys in tomorrow as punishment. All not an issue. Ds was pretty upset when he got home and it turns out the reason he retaliated was because when he was on the floor after being tripped, the other boy 'teabagged' him. Rest of the class circled and laughed, obviously causing a lot of embarrassment to ds.

So although I'm fine with the punishment, aibu to speak to the teacher about this? I don't think it's something to brush under the carpet tbh and think it need addressing.

@Dishwashersaurous

are you sure that your son told school what happened z? That he was tripped and the genitals rubbed in his face? I don't understand why he was then punished

He didn't tell them, he was too embarrassed.

A great deal sexual assault isn’t about sex it’s about power and control and humiliation. Excusing this type of behaviour as ‘boys will be boys’ is pat of what allows it to flourish amongst men

Absolutely this. It's a about time we rejected this boys will be boys bullshit once and for all so our daughters (and sons) don't have to spend their whole lives dealing with toxic masculinity and rape culture.

Something tells me the "little angel" won't be punished by his parents 🙄

Hope your son is okay OP.

I also think that some of the posters here do not have dc at primary school - almost every day dc come home with tales of what one child has done to another, unfortunately sometimes worse than this. And no, this is NOT saying that it was ok and should be just glossed over, before someone jumps down my throat because I dared to suggest that fortnite is probably not a good choice for a ten year old (even if apparently all the other ten year olds are doing it - which they aren't)

I feel awful for the OP's DS and I know I'd be out for blood if that happened to my child.

I just don't understand how so many people are happy to let their young children play a game that uses sexual assault and humiliation as a victory dance. Sorry, but I don't.

And as someone said up thread, a 10yo is now being accused of sexual assault because his parents have allowed him to view something so serious as all fun and games.

And it does annoy me that parents who don't allow it are apparently 'sanctimonious and superior'

@Flobbertybillop when did I say it shouldn't be stopped now? My issue is people accusing children of sexual assault for doing some thing that they are unlikely to realise is seen as sexual to adults. Especially when their parents have been stupid enough to let them play games too old for them without even realising what goes on in them

The boy obviously needs punishment and talking to about what he did and how that might make another child feel. Actually they probably all need talking to if every child in the class plays it

@Closetbeanmuncher

A great deal sexual assault isn’t about sex it’s about power and control and humiliation. Excusing this type of behaviour as ‘boys will be boys’ is pat of what allows it to flourish amongst men

Absolutely this. It's a about time we rejected this boys will be boys bullshit once and for all so our daughters (and sons) don't have to spend their whole lives dealing with toxic masculinity and rape culture.

Something tells me the "little angel" won't be punished by his parents 🙄

Hope your son is okay OP.

This is spot on

Your poor Ds

Feeling like that is awful

Some disgraceful victim blaming on here.

I bet a lot of posters wouldn't have made so many excuses if OP's child was a girl instead.

Since the other child isn't really adhering to the Queensberry rules, would it be considered a breach of etiquette for your son to have administered a savage uppercut to the balls being rubbed in his face? I know escalation is a bad idea, but I just wondered.

My thoughts exactly

@KingAlex

I feel awful for the OP's DS and I know I'd be out for blood if that happened to my child.

I just don't understand how so many people are happy to let their young children play a game that uses sexual assault and humiliation as a victory dance. Sorry, but I don't.

And as someone said up thread, a 10yo is now being accused of sexual assault because his parents have allowed him to view something so serious as all fun and games.

And it does annoy me that parents who don't allow it are apparently 'sanctimonious and superior'

Just for people's information, that is not how it works. There is no humiliating 'victory dance'. What happens is that you press the button which makes your character crouch (a perfectly normal action in any game), and then position your character over one that's dead, and repeatedly press that button.

This is not me saying Fortnite is fine, but this is not a Fortnite mechanic. You could do that in any game that has the option of crouching, violent or not. I'm sure you can probably do it in Minecraft.

In gaming if a woman does this to another player It’s called a clam slam or a taco dip. It is totally about dominance and done to humiliate weaker players. It started off in Halo many years ago. it’s all about letting another player know their bad at the game and basically too crap to play. Gaming culture is extremely toxic, been at the receiving end of it many times as a woman but I love gaming so their not stopping me.

No I don’t do this move but I do game and have seen it done many times. To do it in real life though, that kid needs his console removed.

Before anything, you need to clarify exactly what the other boy did.
Does your son fully understand the meaning of "teabagging" or is he referring to something else? Did you ask your son exactly what happened?
I am NOT dismissing or minimising at all, just to be aware that children sometimes have a vague understanding of these words.
If the other boy did actually do this, it's very worrying and needs to be addressed.

@AMillionMilesAway

Before anything, you need to clarify exactly what the other boy did. Does your son fully understand the meaning of "teabagging" or is he referring to something else? Did you ask your son exactly what happened? I am NOT dismissing or minimising at all, just to be aware that children sometimes have a vague understanding of these words. If the other boy did actually do this, it's very worrying and needs to be addressed.

OP explained exactly what happened. Try reading her posts.

First, all of the adults involved need to keep calm and remember that these are elementary school children, of an age too young to even be reprimanded by the juvenile authorities where I live.

Then it needs to be made clear exactly what went on. As a teacher, I saw parents come charging up to school blustering about lawsuits and such, only to soon be red-faced upon discovering that what their young child had told them was not actually all that accurate.

Then, it should definitely be brought up and addressed, with the other boy clearly being made to apologize and to understand that it was highly inappropriate and never to be done again, for starters. I'd also want someone to speak to him about where he learned such a thing in the first place.

on the game when they've killed someone they crouch over the person's face

It’s just so fucking weird that men / boys see sex as power and domination. I mean seriously what the fuck?!

I can’t imagine women going round sticking their boobs in the face of their enemies to say “fuck you I’ve won!”

Male culture is just so odd at times.

@Lessthanaballpark like someone else has already said there is the female version the clam slam not envy

I used to play call of duty.... so about 18 years ago I first played and teabagging was about then.

When you shot someone you would stand above the characters head and crouch down and via the microphone laugh at them for being rubbish.

18 year old me would have found this funny, young, foolish, it's a game, not real, would never do it in real life etc etc.... grown up me is mortified that I would have found that funny and with experience realise and understand the Implications.

Sounds like the kids were re enacting what they do in a game, and as kids think it's funny. Does not condone behaviour and yes needs to be addressed and consequences for actions explained to the kids in a way kids understand.

Unfortunalty alot of parents havnt been submerged into places like the gaming world or the sports world and seen first hand how disgusting and toxic those environments can be or if they have dont see anything wrong with it so the children dont have someone telling them how wrong it is and how to behave better.

Age 10 is young for this nonsense, so you should definitely raise with the teacher and explain clearly your concerns. That said, ‘smudging’ were the rage at school when I was that age. Much worse in my humble opinion.

I would consider this to be sexual assault. Needs to be followed up immediately

@Killahangilion

What happened to your DS is clearly unpleasant, but I’m a bit shocked about you letting a 10yr old play Fortnite. I don’t allow 12yr old DS to play it because in my view it’s far too violent. I think you need to take responsibility to review the games content that your child has access to.

I think your 12 year old not being allowed to play is far more unusual than the OP's 10 year old playing. I work with 10/11 year olds and most of the boys seem to play it; these are the children of involved, middle-class parents, not kids whose parents have no idea what they are up to.

That's a bit of an assumption about class background and involvement!

My understanding of tea-bagging is dipping testicles into someones moth like dipping tea bag into a cup - thank goodness I read the rest of your posts as OP was shocking!

Still glad my DD 10, goes to a girls school where not many parents allow gaming.

Sounds like it's been dealt with rather than brushed under the carpet though. Maybe follow up with an email thanking them for dealing with it and ask them to keep an eye so it doesn't escalate. It's a polite way of saying "I'm watching how you deal with things."

*mouth

@StopSayingDueDiligence

What else is concerning is that the 10 year olds know what 'tea bagging' is...

It's common in gaming, used in fortnite etc.

Way to disrespect your oponent after you've bested them. 10 yo boys in the plaground would likely know of it.

I would complain.

@ceilingsand

That's a bit of an assumption about class background and involvement!

Not sure why you think it's an assumption I've made that the children I'm talking about in my school are middle class and have parents that are interested in their children doing well - I know they are.