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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think rubbing your genitals in someone's face I assault, whatever their age?

223 replies

MargeSimpson00 · 19/05/2021 16:07

Ds got in trouble today after a scuffle. Nothing to serious, no one was hurt just some tripping/shoving. Teacher dealt with it, is keeping both boys in tomorrow as punishment. All not an issue. Ds was pretty upset when he got home and it turns out the reason he retaliated was because when he was on the floor after being tripped, the other boy 'teabagged' him. Rest of the class circled and laughed, obviously causing a lot of embarrassment to ds.

So although I'm fine with the punishment, aibu to speak to the teacher about this? I don't think it's something to brush under the carpet tbh and think it need addressing.

OP posts:
houseonthehill · 19/05/2021 20:27

@Needanewhat

Utterly gross a 10 year old would even know what that means and makes me even more glad my son is home educated.
Hm. Is Sanctimommy still collecting these?
carcarbinks · 19/05/2021 20:34

A boy did this to someone in DC's Y7 class and he was given a 2 hour after school detention.

Hardertobreathe · 19/05/2021 20:37

@MargeSimpson00

They've got the term from the game fortnite. Ds said the word a few weeks ago and I questioned him, he said on the game when they've killed someone they crouch over the person's face Hmm. I had a very open chat with ds about the meaning of the term and he was horrified/disgusted.

The boy didn't pull his pants down, he crouched over DS's face and rubbed around whilst shouting teabag.

God this just took me back to high school. A boy shoved me over and, whilst people round us sniggered and no one helped, he sat on my chest and shuffled himself higher and higher until his crotch was being rubbed in my face. I can still feel the terror & humiliation and it was over 30 years ago! I don’t blame your DS for retaliating. The Twat sent me a friend request on FB a few years ago, needless to say I didn’t respond.

I hope you get a positive outcome from the school.

SinkGirl · 19/05/2021 20:38

I would be more worried about ds playing fortnite than I would if another boy tried to "tea bag" him, because I am pretty sure ds would be able to deal with the latter without getting upset.

Your child wouldn’t get upset if they were tripped and another child crouched over their face and rubbed their crotch in your child’s face while others watched and laughed?

Seriously?

MarshaBradyo · 19/05/2021 20:40

@SinkGirl

I would be more worried about ds playing fortnite than I would if another boy tried to "tea bag" him, because I am pretty sure ds would be able to deal with the latter without getting upset.

Your child wouldn’t get upset if they were tripped and another child crouched over their face and rubbed their crotch in your child’s face while others watched and laughed?

Seriously?

I find it quite awful an adult wouldn’t care if their dc had this done to them
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 19/05/2021 20:41

I find it quite awful an adult wouldn’t care if their dc had this done to them

But they consider themselves a much superior parent because fortnite and screens.

I'd be worried if a kid wasn't phased at all over that happening to them.

wotzallthisnow · 19/05/2021 20:50

@MargeSimpson00

It would affect how her ds reacted to it, not whehter the other child did it or not How?
Do you not think that the fact that your ten year old has seen this being done to someone when they "died" for hours every week has affected how he felt? I think a ten year old who hadn't been gaming would have told the teacher and not taken it as strongly as you describe. I might be wrong, but you asked so I have tried to answer. My dc have never played fortnite, they wouldn't have taken it to heart, but would have told the teacher. I think that if my dc had seen it being done on fortnite to "killed" people, they would have been more upset about it, more ashamed, as they would have made that association.

I agree that the teacher should be told and will hopefully make it clear to the children that it is not acceptable behaviour.

Has this thread made you rethink fortnite at all though? What would the teacher advise if you asked their advice, about the affect of fortnite on the children?

wotzallthisnow · 19/05/2021 20:53

@SinkGirl

I would be more worried about ds playing fortnite than I would if another boy tried to "tea bag" him, because I am pretty sure ds would be able to deal with the latter without getting upset.

Your child wouldn’t get upset if they were tripped and another child crouched over their face and rubbed their crotch in your child’s face while others watched and laughed?

Seriously?

My dc have had to deal with bullying since they were about four. They are now quite robust and no, a fellow pupil behaving like that would not floor them. They would recognise it as disrespectful, not take it personally, and go and tell the teacher. They wouldn't be drowned in shame over it.
wotzallthisnow · 19/05/2021 20:56

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

I find it quite awful an adult wouldn’t care if their dc had this done to them

But they consider themselves a much superior parent because fortnite and screens.

I'd be worried if a kid wasn't phased at all over that happening to them.

Who said the adult wouldn't care? I have taught my dc to not take it personally but to not accept it and to tell the teacher. You are criticising me for not letting my dc to play fortnite? Why would that be then?
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 19/05/2021 20:56

My 10 year old doesn't play fortnight, I'm fairly certain he'd feel upset, embarrassed and probably humiliated if it happened to him even if he had no idea what teabagging was

pollylocketpickedapocket · 19/05/2021 20:57

@BraveBraveMouse

Sexual assault at 10...think what that little asshole will be doing to women when he's grown up.
Who says it’s women who’ll be his victims?
MyrrAgain · 19/05/2021 20:58

Haven't read many posts so apologies if already said.

  1. Not acceptable.
  2. How does a 10 yo know this behaviour? Where did they see or learn it from?
  3. If it was done to a girl would the response be different? If so, why?
  4. You can contact services yourself like MASH or safeguarding in your local area. Don't need to wait for the school
Backtomyoldname · 19/05/2021 20:59

I think this is a contact the head type of incident. Their website should included member of staff responsible for child protection.

Should you be unhappy with their response you are perfectly within your rights to go directly to the police.

wotzallthisnow · 19/05/2021 20:59

@myrragain apparently the children all play fortnite, which is a violent and mindless video game in which the children try to kill people and once they have kill them they "teabag" them, apparently.

Original poster
MargeSimpson00 · 19/05/2021 21:04

wotzallthisnow I'm not here to defend my parenting to you. My son was tripped up, then had a boy squat over his face and rub himself on him whilst other children stood around and laughed. He was humiliated and it wasn't because he'd previously seen it on fortnite Hmm

There's always one.

Thank you to everyone else, especially those who have experienced similar or their dc's, I'm sorry you went through that.

OP posts:
JackANackAnoreeee · 19/05/2021 21:05

YANBU. I would make sure DS is telling the truth and not just trying to extricate himself from trouble but if that happened it's really unacceptable and I'm not surprised DS retaliated.

RestingPandaFace · 19/05/2021 21:09

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

We are talking about 10 year old boys here, most of who aren't actually all that clued up on sex or interested in it at all . Not grown men in the work place
A great deal sexual assault isn’t about sex it’s about power and control and humiliation. Excusing this type of behaviour as ‘boys will be boys’ is pat of what allows it to flourish amongst men.
Gothichouse40 · 19/05/2021 21:13

Im in my late 50s and am genuinely shocked by this post. I have never heard of 'teabagging' nor of boys doing this. Absolutely shocking and cannot understand the schools attitude.

MyrrAgain · 19/05/2021 21:13

@wotzallthisnow
Ah right, thanks Daffodil

smallgoon · 19/05/2021 21:14

That is fucking awful. I hope your son is ok.

Dishwashersaurous · 19/05/2021 21:15

are you sure that your son told school what happened z? That he was tripped and the genitals rubbed in his face? I don't understand why he was then punished

Flobbertybillop · 19/05/2021 21:15

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

We are talking about 10 year old boys here, most of who aren't actually all that clued up on sex or interested in it at all . Not grown men in the work place
At what age do you stop this then, do you wait until they are 12, 14, 18, grown men assaulting people?
YummyButter · 19/05/2021 21:16

Please report this. That other little boy needs to know this behaviour isn't acceptable.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 19/05/2021 21:17

@RestingPandaFace When did I excuse the behaviour as boys will be boys ? I just wrote up there ^^ how I think my 10 year old would feel if it was done to him Hmm

But seeing as all these boys parents are allowing them to play a game where their avatars do this to each other when they kill someone would point more to it being nasty bulling behaviour rather than sexual and comparing them to grown men is ridiculous

wotzallthisnow · 19/05/2021 21:17

OP I am not the "there is always one" - quite a few people have said similar things to you about fortnite. Bullying is not acceptable and I said that you should speak to the teacher. But it is equally important to "bully proof" dc and safeguard their psychological well being. The fact that fortnite is less than ideal was said IN ADDITION to saying that what happened to your dc was not acceptable. You don't need to justify your stance over fortnite to me, just to yourself.

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