To think rubbing your genitals in someone's face I assault, whatever their age?

[MargeSimpson00]

Ds got in trouble today after a scuffle. Nothing to serious, no one was hurt just some tripping/shoving. Teacher dealt with it, is keeping both boys in tomorrow as punishment. All not an issue. Ds was pretty upset when he got home and it turns out the reason he retaliated was because when he was on the floor after being tripped, the other boy 'teabagged' him. Rest of the class circled and laughed, obviously causing a lot of embarrassment to ds.

So although I'm fine with the punishment, aibu to speak to the teacher about this? I don't think it's something to brush under the carpet tbh and think it need addressing.

I'm not surprised that children are doing this irl if it's something they do in games. School sent us a letter a few years ago saying they were concerned about school yard behaviour due to fortnight and reminding parents that it's a game for 12 and above. Mine aren't allowed it, I have enough with bloody roblox.

If it's happening in the playground then I think the teachers should have a talk about it , some parents wouldn't bother even if the school asked them to

You are condoning the behaviour by facilitating the gaming.

I'm sorry but this is bollocks.

@Dishwashersaurous

isn't fornite a 12 game?

I know off topic but if the boy has learnt it from an age inappropriate game then perhaps that should also be addressed.

Yes but sadly all ages seem to be playing it. I have a 9 year old son and he has been asking since he was 6 or 7 because lots of friends play. The answer is always no. Awful awful game.

none of you allowing your primary school children to play games that are not aimed at their age group probably would of prevented it happening though.

you say your son would never do this but it seems most of his class found it highly amusing, so it seems your child is the odd one out here. yet you genuinely dont believe that the game has any bearing on events here?

It's thoroughly unpleasant and needs dealing with firmly, but it clearly had no sexual intent.

Just because it’s in a game doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. A child of 10 can’t think rubbing their genitals on someone else’s face is ok. I’m sure there are cartoon videos on YouTube of characters crapping on people’s lawns, but the 10 yr old would know not to do that. This is the same.

I’d kick up a fuss personally. It’s disgusting behaviour and I don’t believe for one moment the 10yr old thought it was acceptable. He did it to humiliate. I’d be speaking to the Safeguarding lead too. That’s sexualised behaviour and it’s really disturbing IMO.

I hope your son is ok, OP.

On reading your op, it’s very unclear whether this is bare genitals or not, although I see you’ve now said it wasn’t.

On that basis, and given the Fortnite connection, it wasn’t actual teabagging and therefore it’s a misleading opening post.

Bare genital you’d absolutely not be unreasonable, but this seems like something and nothing.

@MargeSimpson00 this needs to be dealt with for sure by the teacher, but saying ‘my son not playing fort nite would not have changed anything’ no, maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything today. However, if one or two parents make a stand with not allowing their kids to play unsuitable games, then others might follow. You and the other mums are just going along with it because it seems easier than making a stand.
Children younger than 12 should not be playing this at all- it’s extremely damaging to many kids in terms of anger, frustration, bad habits and picking up inappropriate language / action. And that’s even before the talking to strangers part comes in.
The more parents that go along with it, the more those who really would prefer their kid’s don’t play are talked into letting them play. A vicious circle

@MargeSimpson00

Ds plays fortnite. There's not a boy in the class who doesn't tbh, rightly or wrongly. Ds is only allowed to play against people he knows who I have added, other kids play with strangers, older kids, adults. The term I believe isn't actually part of the game but something people started doing which filtered down to younger kids iykwim?

After I told ds the meaning of he word he was mortified. I don't imagine there was a sexual element to it at all (intentionally) but the fact is, my son would never ever humiliate another child like that and he wouldn't rub his bits against someone's face. It coming from a game is irrelevant really

A lot of boys at dc's school play fortnite, and they are generally the more violent ones in the year. There is no way I would let my ds10 play it, and he understands why, and he is still friendly with the kids who play fortnite so not playing is not negatively affecting his social life. I think it is a risk assuming that it won't affect your ds psychologically. I would be more worried about ds playing fortnite than I would if another boy tried to "tea bag" him, because I am pretty sure ds would be able to deal with the latter without getting upset.

every days a school day-was teabag/fortnite oblivious. .relieved to learn is some sorta translation. its not ok. Reaalistically,if your kids gony fight,he gony need learn only one of you wins. shame pain n humoliation is all the same song. i think id be adressing that. explore alternative routes to how situation escalatess n ends maybe. I think i probably would call school.to alert/ensure they arre aware. i know our primary teachers are often under 30 yrs or way over..so mighta not been smited with fortnite/movess etc.
i wouldnt be terming it a sexual assault..yet..thats a ten year old child you all crucifying there. // however....clear deficit in education re-appropriate behaviour,lifelong consequences that every child should be aware of. immediately

@BreatheAndFocus

Just because it’s in a game doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. A child of 10 can’t think rubbing their genitals on someone else’s face is ok. I’m sure there are cartoon videos on YouTube of characters crapping on people’s lawns, but the 10 yr old would know not to do that. This is the same.

I’d kick up a fuss personally. It’s disgusting behaviour and I don’t believe for one moment the 10yr old thought it was acceptable. He did it to humiliate. I’d be speaking to the Safeguarding lead too. That’s sexualised behaviour and it’s really disturbing IMO.

I hope your son is ok, OP.

I disagree in a way. Some kids are on this game for hours every day. It’s an extremely engaging game, very cleverly designed to be addictive and to raise cortisol dopamine levels. Its an immersive world. It’s nothing like watching a cartoon.

@MargeSimpson00

You are condoning the behaviour by facilitating the gaming.

I'm sorry but this is bollocks.

Of course it is true, OP. There is a connection between online activity in games and real life behaviour.

For those asking about teabagging, it's a popular gaming term/taunt that players do to each other in game. I knew about it from gaming when I was a young teen, now I'm 28.

I'd call the teacher, YANBU OP

@MargeSimpson00

You are condoning the behaviour by facilitating the gaming.

I'm sorry but this is bollocks.

Considering the children are very clearly learning their behaviours from the game, then yes you are condoning the behaviour by continuing to allow the game to be played. At 10 there needs to be set boundaries, especially in console game playing.

This is a sexual assault - the boy at 10 - will know exactly what his genitals are, what they are for and that squatting/rubbing them on another person's face (clothed or otherwise) is intended as an humiliation.

Whether you want to go up the sexual assault avenue is another matter.

I can guarantee if the scenario happened with a boy doing the same to a girl, the forum would be baying for his blood.

O/T - Ten-year-olds are well aware of right and wrong in law ie referencing Thompson and Venables, their crime had a sexual element. So enough of minimising the actions of 10 year olds

I'm absolutely gobsmacked 😳.

Firstly that this exists in computer games aimed at 12 year olds.

And secondly that parents are normalised to it and accept 'teabagging' in their children's gaming.

That’s sexualised behaviour and it’s really disturbing IMO.

I don't think anyone's denying that it's disturbing behaviour. Just pointing out that allowing your underage child to play a game when you know that this is the content is also not great.

This is the collective result of allowing young DC to play unsuitable games and now the school is left to sort it out.

I have a 6yo DS and I'd be raging if this happened to him! You can blame a 10yo all you want but the responsibility always lays with the parents.

@StopSayingDueDiligence

What else is concerning is that the 10 year olds know what 'tea bagging' is...

I didn't; I just found out 1 minute ago.

yet you genuinely dont believe that the game has any bearing on events here?

I haven't said that. Obviously the boy got it from the game. Ds was extremely upset and said 'I would never try and embarrass someone for laughs because I know how it feels'. My point is, the behaviour was horrible wherever it came from.

DS's game time is limited, restricted and monitored. He plays for a few hours per week in total, and it's far from his main source of entertainment. He also knows the difference between right and wrong. He works hard in school, is very bright and generally a good boy. I'm supporting the school in his punishment as it's the rules, if you hit you're kept in. Ds understands that.

Disturbing behaviour,bare genitals or not.
My DH said we'd be involving police if it was our child as it IS sexual assault.

Quite how a few posters believe you preventing your son from playing Fortnite would have prevented the other boy from picking up the teabagging celebration thing is beyond me.

@GroovyClementine

Quite how a few posters believe you preventing your son from playing Fortnite would have prevented the other boy from picking up the teabagging celebration thing is beyond me.

It would affect how her ds reacted to it, not whehter the other child did it or not

It would affect how her ds reacted to it, not whehter the other child did it or not
How?

You should definitely contact the school. I would contact the head of year.

It's no wonder he retaliated and the school need to know what happened. It doesn't matter that the behaviour was learnt on Fortnite, this other boy needs to know that what he did was sexual assault. He might not have realised it was sexual but it definitely is.

Hope your son is okay now.

Also, boys did this teabagging when I was at school years ago before Fortnite.

If they hadn't learnt it from Fortnite, I'm sure they would have heard of it another way.