School request for money

[TinyTroubleMaker]

Wondering whether this is normal. Dd1 is in Year 2. Lovely school, in what I would call a lower middle class area, on average (in case that's seen as relevant. It isn't a hugely poor area for example). A few weeks ago I received a notification that an activity had been booked for the children in her year, at a cost of about £15 and it would go ahead if enough parents paid this. Sounded fair enough that parents could choose whether to pay, which is their decision. I hadn't got round to paying as have been very busy and hadn't quite decided either way if I'm being honest. It seemed quite a high cost and DD already does a number of paid-for activities.

Since then I've started receiving daily messages and more recently calls from the school, as though this is an outstanding debt I'm due to pay and haven't. Which shifts the dynamic a bit. The calls come in from the school line during work meetings so I can't answer them, I then get a follow up message saying I should pay online. Normally I would jump to it if the school rang during the day, so I'm a bit annoyed they are calling to chase money as I don't know whether it's an emergency with my child or not when I see their number on the phone. Going forward I won't be as inclined to jump out of a professional meeting and answer. It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf.

I'm in two minds about whether to pay. I'm down to my last money this month, that has to last 10 days until I'm paid. The school money is for a nice activity but nothing my child won't cope without. I'm feeling resentful that I was never asked whether it's something I agree to, but I'm being chased as though I'm a culprit who hasn't paid something owed. I can't help feeling if I were a parent with money worries, the tone of the communications would put someone under more undue pressure and it's not right. Noone should feel obliged to pay something they never asked for or agreed to, or feel they owe a school an explanation about their personal finances.

YABU - shut up and cough up, this is completely normal behaviour from a school
YANBU - no I wouldn't like that either

[Franklin12]

Op should stop faffing around. Having said that I am sure she is a VERY important person in her own eyes. How long does a email take - 20 seconds??

[jwpetal]

If this is a state school, they are not supposed chase on school trips as part of the agreement is that all kids are given education and funds from govt are to cover costs for school trips. Now, there can be extra special trips but should be voluntary. For example, my school previously did a trip to see a London show. This was extra special. Tickets were only bought for children who pre paid. Calling to collect a debt is not acceptable and a complaint should be made.

[caringcarer]

My dd school year always used to do activities and I think most parents paid so they could go ahead. DS was not so lucky. Whenever an activity letter CE home several in his class said no and

[netstaller]

Tell them either way then they know or ask your child if they'd like to do it

[Sirzy]

Schools will have plans to cover for a certain amount of children, those whose families genuinely can’t afford to pay (things like Pupil premium and simply knowing the demographic of the school will mean they know approximately what % will need some sort of support)

However, they need everyone else to pay for it to be able to go ahead. If enough don’t pay then schools simply have to cancel. It’s sad but they can only cover so much.

In the case of the OP she hasn’t even bothered to give consent or not for the child to attend which makes planning a nightmare

[pollymere]

This is perfectly normal behaviour from schools. My child was Pupil Premium so trips should be paid for by the school. It didn't stop them asking for donations. We removed them from a school that wouldn't let them go on trips despite taking the money from the PP pot towards total cost for the whole group! I would contact the school and explain that this is supposed to be a donation and you cannot afford to make it. I've done this when we've not been PP and the school stopped asking. They just assume parents forget. You will need to send in a Consent Form though so they will chase for that and the money until you return it.

[WombatChocolate]

It is likely to be an automated email or standard procedure to call.

Unless you say you do t want your child to go, it might be assumed you will. The emails asking for money are essentially asking you to confirm if your DC is going.

Forget the calls...just decide if you want your DC to go or not and let them know.

Once you’ve said no, there won’t be requests for money...,but you haven’t told them.

Organising trips takes a lot of work and cannot go ahead until numbers and known to see if it’s viable. Get in and let them know one way or the other so they can do what the6 need to do.

[SavannahLands]

I had a silly situation take place with my two youngest DDs a couple of weeks after we had just moved to this area. They came home from Primary school with a letter informing me that a School trip had been organised to an Outward bound centre for a two night stay that would take place in 3 weeks time, at a cost of £128 per child inclusive, so £256 for the pair of them. I then read on further, and discovered that DDs had been on exactly the same trip to the same centre with their previous School a couple of months before we left the area, so a complete and repetitive waste of time and money, at a time when we were struggling financially due to the House move, new different School uniform costs etc.

I contacted the school the next day and explained my reasons why l had refused to give permission and pay for a repeat trip. Like other MN posters have said, l was hounded and made to feel like the worst parent at the school, emotionally blackmailed into how my actions would financially disadvantage some of the poorest families, who had allowed their child to join the trip at a reduced cost, made possible by the lower accommodation costs from using large dormitory with our DDs making up the numbers for a full occupation discount.

When they realised that l would not change my mind due to my own circumstances, they then started hounding me that DDs would have to join another class of older children for the days away because their own teacher would be absent on the Trip. I later discovered that several other children had not joined the trip simply because their parents, like us, were fairly new to the area and Estate, and removal costs had left them well and truly financially broke!

Our local High School Pupil school trips are even more expensive, they included Spain, Norway, and French Barge cruising, but DDs never joined any of these due to Covid.

[genius1308]

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

I was told that I should have thought about the child's needs and squeezed in one more. This is why people get fed up, my time is as important as yours and sending you countless emails that you ignore just makes you go on my rude/entitled wanker list.

It's terrible that your own guiding association did this to you. Of course it isn't your responsibility to continuously chase and accommodate people who CBA to pay what they owe
But the OP doesn't really owe this. She hasn't said yes and then refused to pay. To me, her silence on the matter means no.
Fwiw, you wouldn't need to chase me for money - if I committed I would pay. If I wanted my child to take part, I would pay.
But I still think that the school shouldn't be chasing for something the parent didn't ask for and hasn't expressed any interest in.

That said, it is important that children who wouldn't otherwise, get opportunities. So I think we need to come up with a better system which doesn't rely on individuals paying or not paying for specific trips, where their decision impacts on the whole group.

The school will be fully aware of the families that struggle and genuinely can't afford the trip, there's a 'pot of money' for that situation. They are also fully aware of the parents who 'just can't be arsed/don't see why they should pay/ think the school won't leave little Jonny out if they don't pay so they don't bother'. I don't know whether some parents realise how expensive these trips are, how much planning they take and how much of a nightmare they are to sort out. But schools do it to for the children, so they can experience new things! Years ago there'd be one or two children in a class who wouldn't pay, now it's often half of the class. If schools have to pay for all those children it comes out of their budget, that means lots of other resources or activities that the children will miss out on throughout the year. If you can afford it you should pay, if you genuinely can't then speak to the school and they will have a contingency plan.

[FreyaW]

Tell them straight up that you can't afford £15 just now.
They shouldn't be harassing you like this but you should probably have taken the steps to let them know before now.
Don't be embarrassed. Tell them straight up

[Sarahrellyboo1987]

You’re being unreasonable.

If you can afford it then pay it.

There are lots of families who genuinely can’t afford the costs.

[thelonghaul]

@wingsofsteel that's my experience too.
Either way stop dodging the calls. Be a grown up; make a decision and call the school.

[Alwayscalminacrisis]

I never had a problem contributing to school trips (although it really stretched the budget when my 3 eldest were Pupil Premium) but I really objected to being shamed and coerced into contributing to the ‘voluntary’ school fund and the termly charity drives. I was nagged to death about school fund (which was largely used for end of year presents for teachers) until I sent a stinking email to the school. The head of the school was outed in the press at the time as earning over £200k pa, more than David Cameron who was PM at the time. And there was me, counting out pennies for another bloody trip!!

[janie17]

I see where you are coming from but as everyone has said the school needs to know numbers and whether or not they can go ahead and book (if others don't pay/ can't pay) it pushes up the cost for everyone else.
Unfortunately schools have no money and everything is run on a shoestring.
On a similar theme my 17 yr old is having 4 one day local visits as part of his geography Alevel course- no transport just outside tuition and it is costing £149!

[Nohomemadecandles]

Just commit either way. Yes or no.

And they ring during the day because they don't work nights.

Can you imagine trying to book a nice trip for the kids after the year they've had and have 30 parents all dithering? Nobody would get anywhere

[Blueink]

I can understand not being able to take the initial call but why wouldn’t you then phone or email the school your response?
There will be lots more class based activities to come especially in secondary and they will sometimes cost more than £15. Consider cutting back on one or more of the many individual activities you referred to in your post.

[Barbie222]

You'd sharp be on here moaning if the school hadn't included your child. And the other parents would sharp be on here if the activity had had to be cancelled due to nonpayment by a minority. Going forward, it's a good idea to speak to the school anyway if that sort of sum is going to be hard for you to find as it may be they have access to hardship funds. School trips don't get any cheaper in ks2 and in secondary.

[eekbumbler]

@Chewbecca

Loving the irony of OP not returning to the thread.

Too busy composing an AIBU about the number of notifications in her inbox.

[wildchild554]

It sounds like it's a voluntary contribution from what you put, just speak to school let them know whats going on and should be fine, I had the same issue with my youngest and couldnt afford the trip money a couple years ago but he was still allowed to go as was a voluntary contribution.

[Stilsmiling]

Just phone them and let them know either way. Not all parents have the same situation or logic. You will have parents who really can’t afford it and schools will sometimes intervene with other funds without saying so the child is included. Some parents never answer the school which is very frustrating when organising things. Some parents are late responding so the school won’t know if an activity can go ahead, the activity business will have to be notified with enough notice so the school doesn’t lose money.

While the note says it is optional, they generally mean that they are providing this activity because it’s of benefit to the needs of the your child/the class but if it is absolutely outside of your financial means then they don’t want you to feel stressed about it.
Just talk to the school. It’s not crying wolf, they are organising things for your child and need to know. Children can be upset if they are the minority that is left out, teachers know this so they will want to know if a child isn’t going so they can try and make arrangements for the child while the rest of the class are at the activity.
They are busy, imagine how many other parents in all year groups they keep having to phone because they haven’t heard anything from them. Just speak to them, ask if the rest of the class are participating, then decide, but let them know.

[Tam20779]

Reading some of these comments, most people have it spot on. At the end of the day, if you want your child to go, you need to let the school know and arrange to pay for her place. If you don’t want your child to go, give them a call or return the reply slip saying no thanks. It’s that simple. In all likelyhood, the school have to work on the assumption that all kids are going and they probably need a certain amount of money to secure the booking.

[PeachyPeachTrees]

Just tell the school you're not sending DC to activity and they will stop calling you about the payment.

People like a reply you know! Including on a Mumsnet post!

[Supergirl1958]

@PeachyPeachTrees

Just tell the school you're not sending DC to activity and they will stop calling you about the payment.

People like a reply you know! Including on a Mumsnet post!

😂😂

[jamdonut]

£15 is probably towards coach hire... they cost an absolute mint! At our school , trips have had to be cancelled because, although the event may have been free or subsidised, to get there you need a coach!- and not enough people have ‘donated’. We even offer instalments!
It depends whether the trip is part of a topic or extra-curricular. The latter you can choose whether to go or not; the former - it is expected you go.

[CreamFirstThenJamOnTop]

Yabu to not just make a decision and let them know!