School request for money

[TinyTroubleMaker]

Wondering whether this is normal. Dd1 is in Year 2. Lovely school, in what I would call a lower middle class area, on average (in case that's seen as relevant. It isn't a hugely poor area for example). A few weeks ago I received a notification that an activity had been booked for the children in her year, at a cost of about £15 and it would go ahead if enough parents paid this. Sounded fair enough that parents could choose whether to pay, which is their decision. I hadn't got round to paying as have been very busy and hadn't quite decided either way if I'm being honest. It seemed quite a high cost and DD already does a number of paid-for activities.

Since then I've started receiving daily messages and more recently calls from the school, as though this is an outstanding debt I'm due to pay and haven't. Which shifts the dynamic a bit. The calls come in from the school line during work meetings so I can't answer them, I then get a follow up message saying I should pay online. Normally I would jump to it if the school rang during the day, so I'm a bit annoyed they are calling to chase money as I don't know whether it's an emergency with my child or not when I see their number on the phone. Going forward I won't be as inclined to jump out of a professional meeting and answer. It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf.

I'm in two minds about whether to pay. I'm down to my last money this month, that has to last 10 days until I'm paid. The school money is for a nice activity but nothing my child won't cope without. I'm feeling resentful that I was never asked whether it's something I agree to, but I'm being chased as though I'm a culprit who hasn't paid something owed. I can't help feeling if I were a parent with money worries, the tone of the communications would put someone under more undue pressure and it's not right. Noone should feel obliged to pay something they never asked for or agreed to, or feel they owe a school an explanation about their personal finances.

YABU - shut up and cough up, this is completely normal behaviour from a school
YANBU - no I wouldn't like that either

You shouldn't have to pay if you don't want to. Just let them know, then I'm sure they will stop chasing after you.
I think it's difficult for school to know if you don't make it clear, that you are just forgetting to pay, in that case, you may complain if your dc lost the chance to participate, or no intention to pay because she's definitely not attending.

Well they can't book it unless enough parents pay. They made that pretty clear.

How long do you expect them to wait while you decide?

If this is a case of only the children who have paid get to do the activity then tell the school no and stop complaining that they're hassling you. They need to know numbers and you were told weeks ago.

If it's a case of every child will be doing the activity but they need enough parents to pay then of course you should cough up. There have been so many things cancelled at our school because not enough parents pay. The kids get all excited and then have to deal with the disappointment. If you're having financial difficulties then discuss a payment plan with the school. They can't help if they don't know.

So you basically want them to stop hassling you so you can get away with not paying? Just reply and say you cant afford it then. You don't need to go into detail about your finances

Don't see what the problem is - reply to them to say you do/don't want her to take part then they wouldn't have to chase you.

You have caused the problem by ignoring them.

This is so simple- TELL THEM your choice. Yes I'll pay, no I won't. Honestly how is that hard?

@JohnsRaincoatLost

The school need to know whether you wish your child to go on the trip or do the activity. The payment is a separate issue.

It is a ratio staff to pupil thing as well as risk assessment. eg we took KS1 children to a safari park, any child who has a medical condition (epilepsy, diabetic) has an exclusive TA to look for signs or symptoms, they are not included in the staff to pupil ratios. Any children who are not going on the trip need to be considered too. They need to work out the cost of the mini bus or coach with seat belts and the insurance associated with it.

The payment thing, schools do not have an endless pot of money and have to weigh up the benefit of funding this trip for one year group against another trip for a different year group. At a fairly affluent school I volunteer in we run out of glue sticks, we ask the children not to draw unnecessarily on their white boards as we only have a certain number of white board markers. My Christmas gift to the class was rubbers for goodness sake. They are like hen's teeth.

So please respond to the school, they have better things to be doing than chasing up permission slips and possible payments.

I was just about to write the same @JohnsRaincoatLost It's a lot of hard work

I completely understand why parents find this sort of thing annoying. But at the same time, I also see the school's side - they can't do this activity unless all, or almost all, parents actually go ahead and pay. And lots of parents fully intend to pay, just don't get around to it. So if you haven't paid, they don't know if it's because you're just a bit slack, or because you can't afford it.

Also, the wording in your OP suggests it's the same policy as at our school - if insufficient funds are gathered, the activity is cancelled for all children. It's not a case of some children get to go and others stay home.

While I appreciate that these additional costs can be really tricky for many families, I do feel that unless you are in dire financial straights, you should do your best to pay for these if you can. The schools generally manage a lot without additional funding and these additional items are usually loved by the children.

Just tell them one way or the other.

Its probably all being held up waiting on parents replying to them.

You got this letter "a few weeks ago"? How on earth can the school plan for the trip if you still haven't told them if you're paying? The place they want to book with can't just be called up the day before with a yes or no as to whether 100 kids are coming or not. They'll have had to pay inadvance, too, without knowing if the money's coming in.

No wonder they're chasing you. i don't know what you do for a living, but if this happened in your work scenario, you'd be chasing a client or a company for a decision, surely.

I voted YABU because you've sat on this for several weeks and not given them a response. How are they meant to plan if parents don't bother to say either way?

Pay or don't pay, that's up to you, but ignoring for weeks and being annoyed when they keep trying to contact you is unreasonable.

What's with all the faffing around OP?

'Too busy', 'Can't decide'.

They're basically asking you to shit or get off the pot. They can't hang around forever.

@MrsBarnstable I have always said that parents should get to see what actually happens inside a classroom and a school office for a week if there wasn't an obvious safeguarding/confidentiality issue.

Schools are not just about teaching, getting some children into a classroom can be an issue, keeping them in a classroom, behavioural issues, intervention work (catch up), dealing with discipline issues, disagreements between pupils in the classroom or in the playground spilling over into lesson time, children who need the toilet mid lesson, equipment shortages, having to go an beg other year groups for some more pencils, planning trips and the sheer volume of work with ratios, safeguarding and of course actually teaching the children.

As a parent you only consider your child and yourself and rightly so, we have had to chase parents down the playground to get them to sign permission slips for anything from food tasting to local walks. It isn't just you, you are never the only one, this is multiplied across the class and across years so the office staff are just overwhelmed.

@otterinthestream

But soup, that’s the thing, that implies the OP has got into debt, almost, and she hasn’t.

What does?

just call them back and explain. Usually youll be expected to pay for school trips, and the leeway is usually meant for children on FSM so people who really are too skint dont have to be embarrassed or have the same children always miss out. Its not really supposed to be seen as optional for those. Its nice that they are offering this. My kids primary did a similar thing, and fundraising events were held to make sure that all pupils could do every event. Im not sure why you think your time is more precious than the school staff. Just pay up or tell them you dont want your child to go

and if youre having to regularly jumping out of important professional meetings, then im assuming you have a decent job

I remember the time our school stopped chasing parents for permission slips and just didnt take the children who hadnt returned them. The screams of outrage could be heard for miles - but for several years afterwards 95% of slips were returned, no chasing required.

OP or dont pay but let them know. Your time is not more valuable than theirs.

Sorry soup I think I Mideast your comment, apologies

If a parent is too embarrassed to say they want the kid to go but can’t afford it, then this really is the parents issue and not the schools. They can’t guess. And if you’re too embarrassed to even send an email saying it then you need to decline your kid going. Either way yo need to communicate to the school

As the school is chasing for money I suspect the op has told them her kid is going but has neglected to tell them she’s not paying. Otherwise she’d be getting chased for is she going or not.

I had this recently.
I was absolutely appalled when the teacher collared me and I told her it was noted as a voluntary contribution only for her to then claim it was ‘legal speak’ and they had to phrase it like that but it needed to be paid and if parents don’t pay the children can’t go on lovely trips.

I was and am absolutely furious about it.

Mufti days, charity days, uniform, trips, lunches, it all adds up to a sizeable amount of money, tripled in my case as I have three kids.

If the school can’t afford to pay for a trip then imo they shouldn’t be offering it, it is discriminatory.

JohnsRaincoatLost
You hit the nail on the head by pointing out it's not just one parent. For every parent like the OP who faffs about, there's several others so school staff time is then used up trying to get a sizable minority of parents to do simple things.

It's an attitude I find very difficult to get on board with that roughly translates as "Obviously I am so much busier than every other parent in the class, I'm simply so much more important than all the other parents that I can't find 5 minutes one evening to reply to school. School staff should spend (waste) substantial amounts of their time contacting me personally because I'm special and obviously there's nothing else they would be doing to benefit the children."

Have I misread it? The OP has responded - her non response is the response
That's not actually how communication works?

If a non response was taken as an actual response every time, parents would be up in arms over their kids being left out of school trips because the letter went missing or they forgot and needed one reminder.

If the school can’t afford to pay for a trip then imo they shouldn’t be offering it, it is discriminatory

Schools don’t have budgets to lay on trips. Shit some can’t even afford books. It’s not discrimatory any more than anything else which optional you have to pay for in life and can’t afford, and I don’t agree that becayse some folks can’t afford it, every child has to go without.

However I think the teacher did wrong in what she said, although there is an element of truth to it due to budget constraints, and schools need to have a better way of means testing these things. The answer is not to bump up the cost for everyone else so they pay for the children whose parents can’t afford it.

In my day if your parents couldn’t afford it, as mine couldn’t. You didn’t go. There was none of this voluntary contribution stuff which just makes it very difficult. It’s trying to be inclusive when no one has the money to include the kid.

A simple communication to the school saying either Yes she will attend, here is money, or No she will not attend so will not send money would stop all their communication to you?