School request for money

[TinyTroubleMaker]

Wondering whether this is normal. Dd1 is in Year 2. Lovely school, in what I would call a lower middle class area, on average (in case that's seen as relevant. It isn't a hugely poor area for example). A few weeks ago I received a notification that an activity had been booked for the children in her year, at a cost of about £15 and it would go ahead if enough parents paid this. Sounded fair enough that parents could choose whether to pay, which is their decision. I hadn't got round to paying as have been very busy and hadn't quite decided either way if I'm being honest. It seemed quite a high cost and DD already does a number of paid-for activities.

Since then I've started receiving daily messages and more recently calls from the school, as though this is an outstanding debt I'm due to pay and haven't. Which shifts the dynamic a bit. The calls come in from the school line during work meetings so I can't answer them, I then get a follow up message saying I should pay online. Normally I would jump to it if the school rang during the day, so I'm a bit annoyed they are calling to chase money as I don't know whether it's an emergency with my child or not when I see their number on the phone. Going forward I won't be as inclined to jump out of a professional meeting and answer. It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf.

I'm in two minds about whether to pay. I'm down to my last money this month, that has to last 10 days until I'm paid. The school money is for a nice activity but nothing my child won't cope without. I'm feeling resentful that I was never asked whether it's something I agree to, but I'm being chased as though I'm a culprit who hasn't paid something owed. I can't help feeling if I were a parent with money worries, the tone of the communications would put someone under more undue pressure and it's not right. Noone should feel obliged to pay something they never asked for or agreed to, or feel they owe a school an explanation about their personal finances.

YABU - shut up and cough up, this is completely normal behaviour from a school
YANBU - no I wouldn't like that either

I think they need to rely on enough folk being shamed into paying so the activity can go ahead. I knew somebody much better off than us who laughed and said oh I never pay and we did because we could afford it. If you are very short of money don't pay.

You need to respond. Your post reads as though they've been asking a lot so it's been a while at least. They just need an answer

The request to pay doesnt mean you wait until the day of the trip and then decide; they need to book and pay in advance so they need an answer.

Why are you ignoring them? You should have called them back on any of the days they called or emailed them or something. You dont just ignore it.

It sounds like OP wants her child to take part, doesn’t want to pay, but also doesn’t want to explicitly say «I don’t want to paybut I want my child to take part».
OP just communicate with the school...

You just need to tell them funds won't stretch this month.

State school trips tend to run on this kind of basis - they can't force you to pay up but there is a heavy obligation to pay if you want your child to go and if funds allow. Ours always had a clause saying if you have financial difficulty please speak to dep head in confidence. Don't be afraid to use it if you genuinely need to.

While I appreciate that these additional costs can be really tricky for many families, I do feel that unless you are in dire financial straights, you should do your best to pay for these if you can. The schools generally manage a lot without additional funding and these additional items are usually loved by the children.

Agree with this, the cost is usually capped at £30-40 a year, that’s less than a pound a week and is free if on pupil premium and discretionary if in genuine financial hardship. What actually happens is that a number of people choose not to pay despite having the means and the school aren’t allowed to exclude anyone so you have some parents subsidising others, including some who aren’t very well off.
It says it’s voluntary because they have to put that, it’s not really, you’re under a moral obligation to pay up unless they are constantly asking for cash, otherwise the entire class misses out

Well why didn't your reply to let them know?

Our school will ask for money for activities but will always add on the bottom to get in touch if this is an issue as they don't want a child to miss out.

School offices must be overwhelmed with work at the moment. You are giving them more to do OP.

It’s not a compulsory trip so just email in to say she won’t be going on the trip. ‘My mum couldn’t afford trips for me in school as she was a single parent all she replied was no and they left her alone. It’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about and it certainly didn’t mess up my upbringing not being able to go to a museum or zoo.

For gods sake just let them know.

You aren't the only one who works & has meetings & has a child in school whilst working from home

They just want to know if you are a yes please or a no thank you.

They were clear - it is voluntary but enough people have to book for it to go ahead.

So obviously they can’t go ahead if people act like you and can’t make up their minds whether to pay or not.

They’ve contacted you- that’s your cue to call them back or decide.

I have a limited amount of sympathy because if this is your only child in school then you’ve probably not done any school trips before now given Covid etc, but really this is very normal and they just want you to say yes or no.

We’ve had this at our school and I pay as I can afford it. They rely on a certain of people paying for it to go ahead. Yes it’s a bit cheeky of them to chase you but if people who can afford can pay it allows the school to top up for the ones who couldn’t afford it out of school funds/pupil premium etc.

Your child may do plenty of other activities but not all the children will even if the pupils do seem to be from comfortable backgrounds.

And what do you want them to do about contacting you? They can’t get a special office line for emergency contact only and one for chasing up admin.

Honestly, if you haven’t even taken the phone calls or called back to discuss I don’t think you can assume they have any interest whatsoever in your finances- they just want to know yes or no.

I'm assuming this trip is taking place in school time. The school can only ask for voluntary contributions. Most would set a deadline for payment and let parents know that the decision whether to proceed or refund would be made then. You could email the office and tell them that you won't be making a voluntary contribution to this trip.

Those "can you pay" are really requests for money. Nothing new I'm afraid. It's was about £50 per child per year I found years ago

You need to respond to say you don't want your child to participate. I've worked in schools where parents don't bother to respond and it's a nightmare chasing them up. I remember one poor girl sitting in tears with her packed lunch and outdoor clothes all ready for a school trip but her parents just hadn't paid or consented to her going despite several emails and phone calls. The office had given up because these parents did this every time there was a trip (no issues with money or language). In the end I begged them to give mum one more call so that the child didn't have to be left at school.

Schools don’t have budgets to lay on trips Shit some can’t even afford books
Then they shouldn’t be offering the trip.
It’s not right to book it on the understanding the parents will pay, not all parents have the means to pay.
Some of us are on low incomes, some of us have to live on strict budgets and some of us have lost jobs.
Education in this country is supposed to be free.
It’s an absolute joke, we had to pay over £100 for our eldest’s uniform then stationary and books on top of that then an additional £20 every week on top for lunches.
Then we are just expected to throw £5, £10, £15 whatever for x charity day or trip and guilt tripped if we can’t or won’t pay.
It’s not right.
How much money do they think people have?!
A few pounds here and there does add up, schools are not the only organisations/people strapped for cash.

In my day if your parents couldn’t afford it, as mine couldn’t. You didn’t go
Which is extremely discriminatory towards poorer people.

There was none of this voluntary contribution stuff which just makes it very difficult. It’s trying to be inclusive when no one has the money to include the kid
Then don’t offer the trip.

Surely the onus should be on you to communicate with the school. But as you're refusing to, they sort of have to chase you on it.

Simple solution is to just send them an email or something stating whether you want your kid to go.

@sunflowertulip

The way it works at school here is either everyone goes or no one. Tell them if you can't afford it so they know if enough parents will be able to pay. If you can afford it (even if it's 10 days time then tell them that).

I see these costs as compulsory really unless it would really put a massive strain on your finances.

Sadly these days £15 can be a huge strain on finances....If it’s food or a bill that has to come before a school activity.

I do agree with others though, you’re possibly being chased as you haven’t said if she’s going, so they’ve counted her as going rather than exclude her

Then they shouldn’t be offering the trip.
It’s not right to book it on the understanding the parents will pay, not all parents have the means to pay.
Some of us are on low incomes, some of us have to live on strict budgets and some of us have lost jobs.
Education in this country is supposed to be free.
It’s an absolute joke, we had to pay over £100 for our eldest’s uniform then stationary and books on top of that then an additional £20 every week on top for lunches.

My DC's secondary school (which is where I assume your eldest is, with uniform/lunch costs that high) book trips for those who want to go and offer an on-site alternative for those who don't. They offer financial help to those genuinely in difficulty. Pupil Premium children have the trip paid for/heavily subsidised.
IME lower income families absolutely prioritise spending on these trips, which often offer experiences at a reduced cost that they can't offer themselves.
Schools do not have budgets to pay for trips, so the alternative is that they don't run them at all, and no one gets to go. I'm not sure that makes things better?

By law they have to ask for a voluntary payment. In reality if you don't pay then it doesn't go ahead so everyone misses out.

£20 every week on top for lunches

If you're on a low income you should be entitled to FSM? Or packed lunches are much cheaper than £20 per week.

Stationery is to be expected. Pens and pencils can be got cheaply. A calculator can be got from the school PP budget, have you asked?

What books are you buying?

We don't know what the trip is, however sometimes trips are subsidised and let children have experiences much cheaper than would be possible with a family. Eg we used to get Alton Towers for £20 total cost per child including transport. That meant loads of kids managed to get there which is something they would never ordinarily get to do.

It’s annoying you’re being chased but To be fair the time you spent posting this could have been spent dropping the school an email saying if your child will or won’t be doing the activity.

Schools do not have budgets to pay for trips, so the alternative is that they don't run them at all, and no one gets to go. I'm not sure that makes things better?
I do personally feel that if the school can not afford it they shouldn’t offer it.
It’s not right to assume parents can pay.

If you're on a low income you should be entitled to FSM?
The threshold for FSM is seriously, seriously low.
They will be stacks of families struggling who are not entitled.

Or packed lunches are much cheaper than £20 per week
This is true but DS likes a hot lunch so we budget accordingly, that budget is then thrown off when we are asked for sums of money for trips, books etc we haven’t budgeted for.

I just don’t think it’s fair, the assumption seems to be the we (the school) want to offer this but can’t afford it so we’ll get the parents to pay with no thought as to the personal financial circumstances of the parents.
Just because they aren’t eligible for FSM/subsidies doesn’t necessarily mean they can afford it.

What books are you buying?
Revision; Science, Maths and English.

You can't just not reply and let the school try and work out whether you are a) perfectly able to afford it but do not want to b) perfectly able to afford it, may want child to go but struggle with organisation etc and need reminding c) cannot afford it and may be in need of financial support (lots of schools use things like pupil premium for trips)

Just reply. If you don't think the trip is necessary or worth the money, its important to communicate that.

But be aware. If you can easily afford this but sort of just don't really want to spend this money on this as you don't think it's necessary/good value, your child may feel resentful if all their peers go and they can't. My parents were very well off but used to be stupidly tight about paying for things like school residentials. It was really embarrassing to be left behind as the only kids not going, as it usually meant doing something at school with younger kids etc. Also all my peers bonded over these trips and had a great time and I was very left out.

YANBU. It is not voluntary if you have to pay. I think you have to say no as they might be genuine about just wanting to make sure your daughter doesn't miss out.

If things really go ahead without everyone paying I wonder how much uplift there is to cover the costs of those that don't pay with the ones that do.

Oh herc come on, you must know you can really struggle without an entitlement to FSM