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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School request for money

225 replies

TinyTroubleMaker · 17/05/2021 10:25

Wondering whether this is normal. Dd1 is in Year 2. Lovely school, in what I would call a lower middle class area, on average (in case that's seen as relevant. It isn't a hugely poor area for example). A few weeks ago I received a notification that an activity had been booked for the children in her year, at a cost of about £15 and it would go ahead if enough parents paid this. Sounded fair enough that parents could choose whether to pay, which is their decision. I hadn't got round to paying as have been very busy and hadn't quite decided either way if I'm being honest. It seemed quite a high cost and DD already does a number of paid-for activities.

Since then I've started receiving daily messages and more recently calls from the school, as though this is an outstanding debt I'm due to pay and haven't. Which shifts the dynamic a bit. The calls come in from the school line during work meetings so I can't answer them, I then get a follow up message saying I should pay online. Normally I would jump to it if the school rang during the day, so I'm a bit annoyed they are calling to chase money as I don't know whether it's an emergency with my child or not when I see their number on the phone. Going forward I won't be as inclined to jump out of a professional meeting and answer. It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf.

I'm in two minds about whether to pay. I'm down to my last money this month, that has to last 10 days until I'm paid. The school money is for a nice activity but nothing my child won't cope without. I'm feeling resentful that I was never asked whether it's something I agree to, but I'm being chased as though I'm a culprit who hasn't paid something owed. I can't help feeling if I were a parent with money worries, the tone of the communications would put someone under more undue pressure and it's not right. Noone should feel obliged to pay something they never asked for or agreed to, or feel they owe a school an explanation about their personal finances.

YABU - shut up and cough up, this is completely normal behaviour from a school
YANBU - no I wouldn't like that either

OP posts:
Topseyt · 17/05/2021 13:33

It's simple really. It's called communication.

Communicate with the school. Tell them whether your child is or isn't going on the trip. I don't understand why you are so reluctant to do that.

Menoismymate · 17/05/2021 13:35

Give them a call. They need a yes or no. However I would also imagine that if you explain your financial situation they will cover the cost of the activity. Ours does, and sounds like a similar school.

BungleandGeorge · 17/05/2021 13:36

£20 a week on school lunches? Send them with a packed lunch, for £1-1.50 a day you can provide a good quality nutritious lunch and the £500 saved per year will be more than enough for all the stationery and books needed.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 17/05/2021 13:38

There is so much consideration of parental finances. Lots of things aren't offered because of finances. You just don't hear about them because they don't go ahead. Schools spend hours searching for cheap options, best value travel, grants they can apply for etc. Your comment is completely unfair and shows a lack of insight into schools and trips.
Our school theatre trip is another great example, none of the kids had ever seen a show before. For £15 we got transport and a fantastic musical. For some that will be the only one they ever get to see, £15 meant it was affordable. None of these trips are compulsory, so just say no.

That's your choice re lunches, but it's a huge cost that you don't need to have. Does your ds know it's lunches or trips?

Revision guides - have you asked about using the PP budget?

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 17/05/2021 13:39

otter Of course I do. The people just above all these thresholds do struggle. But if you're struggling to afford a hot lunch, a packed lunch is a much cheaper alternative. As most families round here know!

WilsonMilson · 17/05/2021 13:40

I feel like you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Just say one way ir the other so they can decide whether it’s happening. Also, does your child want to do the activity?

Just as well your child doesn’t go to my ds’s school, as they’re always on the scrounge for money for things, I’ve parted with £40 in the past few weeks alone for various fundraisers, , and that’s besides the school fees.

BungleandGeorge · 17/05/2021 13:42

@Menoismymate

Give them a call. They need a yes or no. However I would also imagine that if you explain your financial situation they will cover the cost of the activity. Ours does, and sounds like a similar school.
She says her daughter already does a number of other paid for activities! Which is probably more than a lot of the other kids whose parents aren’t making a fuss about paying.
Chewbecca · 17/05/2021 13:47

YABU because of your failure to let them know what you are doing.

Either:

  • say yes please, pay the money
  • say I would like to but I cannot afford it right now - can you help?
  • say no thank you.

Imagine if every parent just didn’t respond, would be an administrative nightmare for the school.

mam0918 · 17/05/2021 13:47

YANBU

My DS school did this all the time, every week there was a newsletter with 2 or 3 things we where expected to contribute too (new heating, new roof, new playground stuff, countless charities the school 'support', travelling plays, extra activities, the school sponser program which paid to send the teachers abroad to visit other schools... like we cant afford our own holiday abroad ffs).

In general for something like this if you didnt pay the school would though as they cant force you, most things would be a trip to the local museum or a play etc... and they can't leave 'poorer' children out as its discrimination and they do get a fund to help cover the gap.

I think the only exception was the leaver week holiday which was £400 and I refused to pay
A) on principle (we have had a week long holiday in south france for the whole family for less)

B) I dont think a week away without perental supervision and no communication (phones where 'banned') was acceptible for 10-11 year olds.
And I believe with that if you dont pay they dont go, my IL INSISTED on paying and sending him (backed up by DH) but Im still pissed because

  1. I wasnt comfortable with the amount of time and lack of contact and
  2. now we have to pay that for all our other children too when their turn comes up or its not far and overall adds up to thousands.

Many parent complain about the constant begging of the school for money and the riduculous prices of things (like the holiday) but dispite moaning would still pay it which is why they keep booking more and more elaborate and expensive things.

Gilly12345 · 17/05/2021 13:48

Don’t leave the school hanging, they can’t read your mind, decide what you are going to do and just tell them, it’s not difficult a simple yes or no is needed. 🤔🤔

viques · 17/05/2021 13:52

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Have I misread it? The OP has responded - her non response is the response. She hasn't paid, so isn't fussed about this going ahead or not. School said activity will only go ahead if enough parents pay, so all the school really needs to know is whether enough parents have paid.
Ha, you have never worked in a school ! The number of parents ( even those who you assume are well organised )who are unable to respond to something until the very last minute is astounding. You soon learn that “no response” is not the same as “no thanks, not interested” . And anyway it’s only polite to let people know one way or the other. The number of posts on MN about no response to party invitations is proof enough!
beepbeep · 17/05/2021 13:59

we get letters saying that DCs are doing an activity and there is a voluntary contribution, then get letters and phonecalls if we don't pay. We also get letters saying that if we don't pay it won't go ahead - hardly voluntary then is it?!!!

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 17/05/2021 14:01

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Have I misread it? The OP has responded - her non response is the response. She hasn't paid, so isn't fussed about this going ahead or not. School said activity will only go ahead if enough parents pay, so all the school really needs to know is whether enough parents have paid.
Experience tells me that non responses inevitably end up with kids turning up on the day expecting to take part in the trip/activity. And the parents complaining at great length and volume if they aren't allowed to participate. Hence why she's still being contacted about it.
justasking111 · 17/05/2021 14:10

God @TinyTroubleMaker you are hard work, sure the staff have marked you down as such now. Reply, apologise, your child will not be going. Do not mess them around like this again.

1Hazel1 · 17/05/2021 14:11

The time you took writing out your OP could have been spent on sending the school a quick email with a yes/no decision and still have time to spare!

EmeraldShamrock · 17/05/2021 14:14

If she is going pay up, if not don't no need for making it an awkward situation.

NoSquirrels · 17/05/2021 14:17

@beepbeep

we get letters saying that DCs are doing an activity and there is a voluntary contribution, then get letters and phonecalls if we don't pay. We also get letters saying that if we don't pay it won't go ahead - hardly voluntary then is it?!!!
Not sure what’s unreasonable here - if you want your child to go, make a contribution, if you aren’t fussed, don’t. If not enough people make a contribution, trip won’t go ahead. It is voluntary - just as the school providing the opportunity for trips is not compulsory. It’s an enhancement to the curriculum not something the school has to provide or pay for.
sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/05/2021 14:19

@mam0918

The week long ones are expensive but they are fantastic for the children especially the y6 leavers ones which are usually some sort of activities based ones. They help the child grow in many ways. All of my now adult children still talk about them with great memories. At the school they went to any family that struggled with the cost of that trip was helped by PTA funds.

Anordinarymum · 17/05/2021 14:30

I think it would have been nice if the school had sent a letter to the parents asking if this would be acceptable in the first place.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 17/05/2021 14:33

Of course school has to book before asking parents. Can you imagine the outcry the other way round.

SoupDragon · 17/05/2021 14:47

@beepbeep

we get letters saying that DCs are doing an activity and there is a voluntary contribution, then get letters and phonecalls if we don't pay. We also get letters saying that if we don't pay it won't go ahead - hardly voluntary then is it?!!!
Yes, it is voluntary but enough parents have to pay in order for it to be financially viable.
anon12345678901 · 17/05/2021 14:47

Why is it so difficult to answer the school and say yes/no?

Maryann1975 · 17/05/2021 14:48

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Have I misread it? The OP has responded - her non response is the response. She hasn't paid, so isn't fussed about this going ahead or not. School said activity will only go ahead if enough parents pay, so all the school really needs to know is whether enough parents have paid.
Having organised so many events for Girlguiding over the years, I can assure you That a parent not responding does not mean that they don’t want their child to goon the trip. I came to the conclusion many years ago, that the parents just had very little respect for my time and didn’t care that I had to spend extra time chasing them for a response. I have been blamed many times for children missing out, err no, I haven’t made your child miss out, your own disorganisation has led to your child missing out. My life is busy just like everyone else’s, but as a pant you have to take responsibility. If you don’t want your child to go on the trip, just answer the phone and tell them. Or if you don’t want to speak to them, send a quick email. Honestly, it will have taken longer to start this thread than it would have done to deal with the issue!
viques · 17/05/2021 14:56

@Anordinarymum

I think it would have been nice if the school had sent a letter to the parents asking if this would be acceptable in the first place.
Then you would have had x number of people saying “yes” then deciding not to go. You would also have people who think that by saying yes they have signed up already so don’t have to sign the permission slip/give the money. Or people who can’t be bothered to reply then asking six months later why the trip didn’t happen.

Many schools I know indicate at the beginning of the year what trips they are planning, then send out letters at the appropriate time. Most trips are curriculum based these days so unnecessary to ask parents if the trips are “acceptable” .

bonbonours · 17/05/2021 15:13

The only part where the school is being unreasonable is ringing you at work about this. I would email them requesting that your work/mobile number only be used in case of emergency/illness.

On the money front, you are the one making an issue of it by not responding. It sounds like this is a trip during school hours which means all children will go whether you think it's important or not. If not enough people pay, none of the children will go. You're not making a decision about your own individual child going. If you genuinely can't afford it then email the school to say so and there will be no issue as they have discretion to cover the cost for some children if necessary. It is much much more likely that a parent failed to read the letter or forgot about it than that they genuinely can't afford £15 which is why they are chasing because they know people forget or miss things, and they don't want to have to cancel the whole trip. Just let them know what the situation is.