School request for money

[TinyTroubleMaker]

Wondering whether this is normal. Dd1 is in Year 2. Lovely school, in what I would call a lower middle class area, on average (in case that's seen as relevant. It isn't a hugely poor area for example). A few weeks ago I received a notification that an activity had been booked for the children in her year, at a cost of about £15 and it would go ahead if enough parents paid this. Sounded fair enough that parents could choose whether to pay, which is their decision. I hadn't got round to paying as have been very busy and hadn't quite decided either way if I'm being honest. It seemed quite a high cost and DD already does a number of paid-for activities.

Since then I've started receiving daily messages and more recently calls from the school, as though this is an outstanding debt I'm due to pay and haven't. Which shifts the dynamic a bit. The calls come in from the school line during work meetings so I can't answer them, I then get a follow up message saying I should pay online. Normally I would jump to it if the school rang during the day, so I'm a bit annoyed they are calling to chase money as I don't know whether it's an emergency with my child or not when I see their number on the phone. Going forward I won't be as inclined to jump out of a professional meeting and answer. It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf.

I'm in two minds about whether to pay. I'm down to my last money this month, that has to last 10 days until I'm paid. The school money is for a nice activity but nothing my child won't cope without. I'm feeling resentful that I was never asked whether it's something I agree to, but I'm being chased as though I'm a culprit who hasn't paid something owed. I can't help feeling if I were a parent with money worries, the tone of the communications would put someone under more undue pressure and it's not right. Noone should feel obliged to pay something they never asked for or agreed to, or feel they owe a school an explanation about their personal finances.

YABU - shut up and cough up, this is completely normal behaviour from a school
YANBU - no I wouldn't like that either

Of course schools need an answer from a parent one way or another. How are they supposed to know that said child hasn't pocketed the money and is having a jolly on their own somewhere if they just assume that no payment in a timely fashion means not going. Likewise if a child turns up at school on the day of the trip with the money and no place has been booked can you imagine how the child will feel being left behind.

Have I misread it? The OP has responded - her non response is the response. She hasn't paid, so isn't fussed about this going ahead or not. School said activity will only go ahead if enough parents pay, so all the school really needs to know is whether enough parents have paid.

@idontlikealdi

Just let them know whether or not she is taking part.

Our letters always come with a line to say that the payment isn't compulsory but without it he trip / event may not go ahead and / or increase the price for those who are taking part.

I think that's awful.

You seem to be viewing this as an issue between you and school re money. What you should be looking at is whether or not your DD wants to be part of this. If she does, pay. If she doesn't, send them a quick email to let them know so they stop phoning.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Have I misread it? The OP has responded - her non response is the response. She hasn't paid, so isn't fussed about this going ahead or not. School said activity will only go ahead if enough parents pay, so all the school really needs to know is whether enough parents have paid.

The school can't distinguish between a non-response that means "I don't want my child to do this" and a non-response that means "my child never brought the letter home" and "I've been snowed under and completely forgotten to reply". Which is why they chase. These activities aren't solely about payment either - normally they need parental consent. And there is genuinely some ability to absorb some non-payers or partial payers.

I'm amazed OP's child has got to Year 2 without OP working this out already though.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Have I misread it? The OP has responded - her non response is the response. She hasn't paid, so isn't fussed about this going ahead or not. School said activity will only go ahead if enough parents pay, so all the school really needs to know is whether enough parents have paid.

That would work in a perfect world but you'll always get someone who responds late and then complains if they can't come.

OP if you don't want to pay just tell them your child won't be going.

@ThatIsMyPotato Why is that awful? It's literally how school trips work. We aren't allowed to charge extra from the start to cover anyone who can't pay, because the trip isn't allowed to make a "profit". However if people can't pay, that deficit has to be covered somehow. We get parents who send double the money to pay for another child sometimes.

the payment isn't compulsory but without it he trip / event may not go ahead and / or increase the price for those who are taking part. this bit sounds like pressurising people who can't afford it to think of how they will let down others

A better way to word it would be that there might be an increase in cost depending on numbers.

I think the problem is that a lot of parents will be so embarrassed to say ‘I’m sorry but we can’t afford it’ that they WILL get the money, even if that means going without essentials themselves.

Our primary was a case of everyone goes or noone goes.
If insufficient people could or would pay, the trip was cancelled for everyone. And yes, school needed to know if they should pay to reserve the space or cancel the booking.
Just let them know what you are doing. If they are chasing before the return date, that is harassment tho.

THe school need to know

A) are you willing for your child to participate?
B) are you going to pay

Two separate issues.

Once they know how many are going to pay, they wil know whether they can cover the cost of those wanting to take part, but not willing/able to pay. IF they can't, the event will not happen.

This was the system at my DCs primary school 10 years ago - it's nothing new! We are in a leafy middle class area, and events frequently got cancelled because not enough people paid for what ever reason.

YANBU. There are so many other ways to communicate this. Automated emails with RSVP links for example, with no response by the deadline being a default no. Phone calls from the school should be reserved for serious situations that require immediate attention about a specific child, not marketing ffs.

If you don't want her to do the activity then you need to let the school know so they can cancel the activity or if there's enough kids not paying then work out who looks after the kids not doing the activity.

@ThatIsMyPotato In part I agree. However spelling it out in no uncertain terms is useful for people to see that the payment does effect the trip. We used to use your wording and parents who could afford it would not send money because it was "voluntary". There should be no shame in saying to the school you can't afford it, being open and honest means school can often help. We quite often find out pupils are entitled to FSM or PP as a result of the can't afford the trip chat. Long term this support helps parents and students more.

Did you have a reply slip? You don’t mention returning it, as you’re still thinking about it.

Ours always says:
I want my child to attend: Y / N
I am willing to pay the voluntary contribution: Y / N
(wording about if not enough do: no trip)

Just send an e-mail they are welcome to take her, but you’re not going to pay.

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation I suppose that makes sense now you've expanded. I didn't think of those who can afford it but don't pay.

But there is shame, herc. It’s really embarrassing for people to have to go into their finances with people they see every day!

Rather than umming and ahhing over the decision, it sounds like you need to give the school a definite answer as to whether or not you're going to pay, and when. Once you've done that I'd be inclined to ensure the school knows your work number is for emergencies only, such as your child being taken ill.

There is no issue here if you had simply returned the slip to say that you did or did not want your child to attend said trip. If you replied they wouldn't be calling or texting you. Let's imagine that they didn't chase and on the day your child wasn't taken. You would no doubt be on here moaning that the school hadn't reminded you and how your child was so upset they had missed out on said trip. Organising any kind of visit is very difficult. The biggest cost is the transport. Knowing who is and isn't willing to pay towards the transport makes a big difference. If only a smaller number are willing to take up offer, a smaller vehicle can be used and this brings down the cost. Taking the piss and not answering makes it hard. I was once organising a free trip and on the morning of the trip was still chasing parents who simply couldn't be arsed to reply to the letter to say their child could attend. This parent had been texted, phoned and emailed and still wouldn't be arsed.

Is this a school trip during the school day or an extra activity such as instrument lessons or after school club?

If you are in the UK and it's a school trip the school should not be pressuring you into contributing. Schools can ask for donations but not demand payment. Yes that might mean the trip doesn't go ahead if enough don't contribute but that is the reality of it and I see no harm in stating that on a letter.

Schools cannot charge extra to others to make up the short fall either.

If this is an extra curricula thing such as after school activities, then just call them up and say she isn't participating.

otter No need to go into the finances. A simple "we can't afford the trip" is fine. However we will then ask if parents mind sharing a bit more so we can see if they're entitled to anything.

OP you could of course have spent the time emailing the school to let them know your child wouldn’t be attending instead of using the time to post on Mumsnet.

Our school sends a letter saying they need to know by such a date because if not enough children are taking part they won't bother going ahead if they are waiting on answers because it's near to that deadline they will contact parents. Just decide yes or no if its money you can agree and ask if you can pay the 15 quid a little later lots of schools allow a little bit longer to pay I'df necessary