School request for money

[TinyTroubleMaker]

Wondering whether this is normal. Dd1 is in Year 2. Lovely school, in what I would call a lower middle class area, on average (in case that's seen as relevant. It isn't a hugely poor area for example). A few weeks ago I received a notification that an activity had been booked for the children in her year, at a cost of about £15 and it would go ahead if enough parents paid this. Sounded fair enough that parents could choose whether to pay, which is their decision. I hadn't got round to paying as have been very busy and hadn't quite decided either way if I'm being honest. It seemed quite a high cost and DD already does a number of paid-for activities.

Since then I've started receiving daily messages and more recently calls from the school, as though this is an outstanding debt I'm due to pay and haven't. Which shifts the dynamic a bit. The calls come in from the school line during work meetings so I can't answer them, I then get a follow up message saying I should pay online. Normally I would jump to it if the school rang during the day, so I'm a bit annoyed they are calling to chase money as I don't know whether it's an emergency with my child or not when I see their number on the phone. Going forward I won't be as inclined to jump out of a professional meeting and answer. It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf.

I'm in two minds about whether to pay. I'm down to my last money this month, that has to last 10 days until I'm paid. The school money is for a nice activity but nothing my child won't cope without. I'm feeling resentful that I was never asked whether it's something I agree to, but I'm being chased as though I'm a culprit who hasn't paid something owed. I can't help feeling if I were a parent with money worries, the tone of the communications would put someone under more undue pressure and it's not right. Noone should feel obliged to pay something they never asked for or agreed to, or feel they owe a school an explanation about their personal finances.

YABU - shut up and cough up, this is completely normal behaviour from a school
YANBU - no I wouldn't like that either

[MzHz]

This isn’t right! We used to get this a lot and I wrote to the head more than once

A voluntary contribution is that. The activities will go ahead - or they can cancel it.

If you can’t pay, you can’t and it’s absolutely wrong to be chased for this.

That’s before we factor in the issues some will be suffering during Covid

[GreyhoundG1rl]

This isn’t right! We used to get this a lot and I wrote to the head more than once
But all you had to do was respond to the request with a simple "No"?
Writing to complain is a ridiculous overreaction.

[Anordinarymum]

viques I simply meant if the school asked the parents and let them know how much it would cost in advance might be the way to go.

I remember when mine were at school and a friend (mum) had a child in the same class as mine and could never afford to pay for anything.
Her child always managed to go though, so maybe the school came to an arrangement with her.

The mum used to say things like' have you seen how much they are asking' for this that or the other and saying she would not be paying a penny.
It's a sensitive issue for many I would imagine.

[MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously]

Viques I have worked in a school. I would still assume that no response by deadline = not interested. I don't think the school should be parenting the parents by chasing up people who don't pay. They either can't afford it or don't want to. The communication from the school was essentially 'pay or it doesn't go ahead'. OP hasn't paid and if she's one of many then the activity gets cancelled. Phone calls at work ought to be reserved for emergencies.
Personally I would ignore the flaky parents who kick off - they will learn next time. Sending out a general reminder is fine, personally chasing individuals, isn't. The legal wording that school is required to adhere to exists for a reason.

But then I do think it's wrong in general, to organise in school activities in the expectation that parents will pay for it. When a child goes to school they should be able to take part in everything that occurs on site during the school day and that not be contingent on parental contribution. Perhaps there could be a truly voluntary contribution that parents make as and when they can or a monthly direct debit for a small amount that is again truly voluntary and the school books activities that it already has the money for, with no child excluded. I know that leaves things very open to the piss taker parent who could contribute but chooses to not to. Idk, but I think there must be a better way than this. Some schools really are very free with parental money, asking for contributions left right and centre. It isn't right that a parent should have to tell the school their personal financial business by saying they can't afford it.

[ineedaholidaynow]

I used to volunteer at DS's Primary school. I used to help out on trips, the amount of times you would have a child turning up expecting to go on the trip when their parents hadn't handed in the permission slip (after many reminders) and the poor teacher/admin would do all that they could to try and contact someone to give permission rather than say no to the child.
No response from a parent does not always mean a no

[Devlesko]

Have you completed the relevant form to say your child either wants or doesn't want a place on the activity? They aren't mind readers and need an answer.
Maybe decide a bit earlier next time then school don't have to spend vital time chasing you up.
Pay if you want your child to go, don't if you don't.
What will happen to anyone left behind, will they have a teacher or have to sah.?

[3scape]

You're being weird about the phone calls. They're calling in their office hours. This is not some personal vendetta against your meetings. Ignoring them due to some boy who cried wolf scenario sounds a bit extreme.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

By the time you posted the OP you could have either paid or told them via email etc she wasn’t doing the activity. They won’t know if you don’t reply.

[Passthewinebottle]

I'd email them.

I've contact DDs school this week as I have various year 11 things to pay for. I've just said we've had a big bill for the car this month & can I pay on payday. They said absolutely no problem.

Our school will always assume you are partaking in an activity unless you tell them otherwise. Maybe just talk to them.

[sweeneytoddsrazor]

@ineedaholidaynow

Agreed. I run a Brownie unit and have also done many many school trips as obviously had a dbs. Plenty of occasions there has been someone turn up with no form signed. Same with PTA activities, they used to run some easter or Halloween type craft activities or school discos etc. Would send out forms asking for money in advance so they could work out how many to cater for etc and you could guarantee that on the day at least 1 child per class would turn up with their money expecting to be included.

With Brownies we have organised things like pantomime trips, days to the zoo etc, all sorts of things we needed to purchase tickets in advance for. Again their was always someone who didn't respond and then expected a place for their child.

A yes or no is essential

[JimBobNoJob]

My dds primary did something similar (many years ago now)
But We weren’t pre-warned or given the option to opt out.

Usually we’d get plenty of notice, have to sign a consent form, and it would state contributions would be needed but if not enough received then trip may not go ahead.
This Trip had been booked and paid for for the first week of new school year. Texts were sent a couple of days before the first day back informing us of this.
We were basically told we had to pay the money regardless, (am assuming to recoup the costs) I was messaged daily re “the outstanding balance”
I’d just spent a small fortune on kitting my dcs out with uniform & back to school kit. I didn’t have anything spare to cover the cost of the trip.
So I sent a polite letter stating that Due to the short notice, funds were limited and the fact that I hadn’t actually been asked for consent I would not be paying.

I think a fair few parents did the same. I can’t actually remember if the trip went ahead or not. But in my opinion should not have been booked and paid for without giving parents a chance to opt out.

This was the only time I didn’t pay for a trip.

[Clymene]

Urgh the OP is a plopper. Plops and goes - probably because no one agrees with her that the school is behaving outrageously for asking her to commit to the trip.

Tedious

[toocold54]

Why don’t you just ring them and say she won’t be attending so I won’t be paying.

[LolaSmiles]

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously
Surely it depends on the letter as to how non-communication is interpreted.

Class trip, voluntary contributions needed so we know if the trip is viable, let us know by X date is very different from Year 9 theatre trip/year 5 after school trip to Trampoline park/sport club tournament tour, if you are interested in these enrichment opportunities then say yes by X date

[Serafinaaa]

Teachers are expected to plan trips and activities to enhance the curriculum. It takes ages with all the risk assessments etc. It would be far easier to stay at school.

Teachers try to keep the costs as low as possible.

We are not allowed to ask parents to pay even a penny extra to cover the cost of some parents not paying.

Many schools have very low levels of funding and do not have a contingency fund for non payers.

We are not allowed to exclude any child and leave them behind.

Therefore, if even one child does not pay, the school makes a loss.

If we know in time that several or more parents do not wish to pay, we can cancel the trip. If we hear nothing we cannot make a decision!

[Bluntness100]

I wonder if the op will come back. Not keen to respond to the school and not keen to respond on here. I sense a theme…

[roguetomato]

Bluntness, can you see, she's busy with her meeting!
Being polite and return the call from school, or respond to the posters here are not her priority.

[Bluntness100]

I do personally feel that if the school can not afford it they shouldn’t offer it.

I strongly disagree with this and I don’t believe it’s right to want every child to miss out because some kids parents can’t afford it. There will be plenty of things some kids can’t have that others will be able to have. That’s simply how life works.

For many it is a choice, save a fiver a week and forego other treats, and for those who have bo treats and are literally on the breadline then help should be available and it is.

We have all seen thr parents who prioritise the weekly takeaway or whatever then say they can’t afford it. They can afford it. They just don’t want to prioritise it. For others though they don’t have this choice and should be helped, like fsm.

[HercwasanEnemyofEducation]

I strongly disagree with this and I don’t believe it’s right to want every child to miss out because some kids parents can’t afford it.

Agreed.

Often school trips make otherwise unaffordable experiences, affordable.

[Bluntness100]

Often school trips make otherwise unaffordable experiences, affordable

Exactly. Or give kids experiences their parents wouldn’t bother to provide. For some of these kids it’s the only bit of joy they will get. It’s not just about the kids whose parents can’t afford it. Children shouldn’t be wholesale denied these experiences because the only ones who matter are those who can’t afford it.

[OwlTwitterings]

They aren’t chasing you for a perceived debt; they just don’t want to deal with the fallout if your child is upset that they can’t do what their friends are doing because you forgot or didn’t realise about it. Just email to say no or tell them you can’t afford it and they will probably cover the cost for you.

[eatsleepread]

YABU. And the school aren't mindreaders.

[NeverDropYourMoonCup]

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

I strongly disagree with this and I don’t believe it’s right to want every child to miss out because some kids parents can’t afford it.

Agreed.

Often school trips make otherwise unaffordable experiences, affordable.

The only times I went on holiday as a child were with the school.

The only times I went to museums, theatres or art galleries as a child were with the school.

The only times I saw the beach as a child were with the school.

The only times I saw mountains, trees that weren't London Plane or surrounded by concrete and rubbish were with the school.

The only times I saw farm animals as a child were with the school.

The only times I saw a theme park as a child were with the school.

The only times I saw cathedrals were with the school.

The only time I saw Medieval buildings were because of the school.

I only saw a Roman mosaic because of the school.

I only heard live classical, folk and choral music because of the school.

I only got the experience of playing in a orchestra because of the school.

I only got the experience of performing on stage in dance, drama and music because of the school.

I only travelled in a motor vehicle because of the school.

The only times I had somebody able to teach me about history (accurately, rather than laden with racism and inaccuracies) were with the school.

I only saw seals, seabirds, dolphins, a turtle, a giraffe, ravens or birds more exotic than sparrows, starlings and pigeons because of the school.

I only knew what an Oak tree looked like because of the school.

I only went on boats because of the school.

I only knew what rivers actually looked like because of the school.



Had it not been for the schools offering all these things, I would have never been more than 3 miles from where I lived and seen nothing except for tower blocks and a supermarket for my entire childhood.

Making kids miss out on experience and knowledge because some people are wealthy enough and interested enough to pay for and facilitate more than a view of the white dogshit outside the front gate for their children isn't just unfair, it's spiteful and cruel.

[saraclara]

@NeverDropYourMoonCup thank you for that post. I ran school trips for children who might otherwise not have been to those places/done those things. I always found it really stressful (SO much responsibility for keeping them all safe, especially as they had additional needs!) but you just made it all worthwhile.

[Bellevu]

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Have I misread it? The OPhasresponded - her non responseisthe response. She hasn't paid, so isn't fussed about this going ahead or not. School said activity will only go ahead if enough parents pay, so all the school really needs to know is whether enough parentshavepaid


I'm a brownie leader and snorting hysterically 😆😆😆

Couple of years ago I organised a trip. Got expressions of interest and deposit 4 months in advance. Asked for balance 2 months later. Then 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 weeks to go.

The meeting before the trip I printed consent forms and asked parents to stay behind. Emailed the ones who didn't bother to stay to remind them I needed balance paid and consent.

As we're about to set off, mum arrives with Brownie and is passed off that daughter couldn't come. She makes a formal complaint about me to national and I have to sit through a formal interview justifying why I hadn't bothered to reply to her 9pm email the evening before the trip asking what time we set off.

I had to explain that I had better things to do with my Fridays than hang around checking emails, and that she still hadn't sent back the bloody consent form I'd sent about 8 times (or paid the balance).

I was told that I should have thought about the child's needs and squeezed in one more. This is why people get fed up, my time is as important as yours and sending you countless emails that you ignore just makes you go on my rude/entitled wanker list.