School request for money

[TinyTroubleMaker]

Wondering whether this is normal. Dd1 is in Year 2. Lovely school, in what I would call a lower middle class area, on average (in case that's seen as relevant. It isn't a hugely poor area for example). A few weeks ago I received a notification that an activity had been booked for the children in her year, at a cost of about £15 and it would go ahead if enough parents paid this. Sounded fair enough that parents could choose whether to pay, which is their decision. I hadn't got round to paying as have been very busy and hadn't quite decided either way if I'm being honest. It seemed quite a high cost and DD already does a number of paid-for activities.

Since then I've started receiving daily messages and more recently calls from the school, as though this is an outstanding debt I'm due to pay and haven't. Which shifts the dynamic a bit. The calls come in from the school line during work meetings so I can't answer them, I then get a follow up message saying I should pay online. Normally I would jump to it if the school rang during the day, so I'm a bit annoyed they are calling to chase money as I don't know whether it's an emergency with my child or not when I see their number on the phone. Going forward I won't be as inclined to jump out of a professional meeting and answer. It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf.

I'm in two minds about whether to pay. I'm down to my last money this month, that has to last 10 days until I'm paid. The school money is for a nice activity but nothing my child won't cope without. I'm feeling resentful that I was never asked whether it's something I agree to, but I'm being chased as though I'm a culprit who hasn't paid something owed. I can't help feeling if I were a parent with money worries, the tone of the communications would put someone under more undue pressure and it's not right. Noone should feel obliged to pay something they never asked for or agreed to, or feel they owe a school an explanation about their personal finances.

YABU - shut up and cough up, this is completely normal behaviour from a school
YANBU - no I wouldn't like that either

I know herc but that is going into finances, it’s saying ‘we are broke!’ which is so embarrassing for many people.

jenny I think the OP is wanting general views rather than your input on how she spends her days.

The teachers are trying to organise something and you didn’t get round to responding (probably not the only one). If they called and you confirmed dc wouldn’t be doing the activity then they’d leave you alone but you’re being flakey and they can’t finalise the trip until they know numbers. Stop making this hard - either dc goes and you pay (surely this takes seconds on an app if it’s like our school) or you decide to confirm dc isn’t going. Alternative option is you call and say you want dc to go but can’t make payment until after x date or say it’s not within your budget right now but you’d like dc to go - can school support in any way.

Your inaction is the reason you’re being hassled.

I don’t think people are understanding the OP here. The activity has been booked, it doesn’t need a response.

What's the alternative though? We've found the explicit wording more effective than the "cost may vary based on numbers". I don't think this is a bad decision.

@Moltenpink

I don’t think people are understanding the OP here. The activity has been booked, it doesn’t need a response.

Of course it needs a response! Regardless of the cost, there is a permission slip to be completed.

They express it as a donation/voluntary, OP, because they aren't allowed to make a demand that you pay for an in school time activity. However, as they say, they do expect most people to pay otherwise it probably won't go ahead, and for exceptional circumstances to apply to those who don't pay, rather than just not be arsed to pay or not getting round to it. If your circumstances genuinely mean that you can't pay rather than won't pay, then you should call and let them know.

It's a bit bloody selfish to not tell the school either way. You are wasting their time.

YABU.

few weeks ago I received a notification that an activity had been booked for the children in her year, at a cost of about £15 and it would go ahead if enough parents paid this.

It requires a response.

Also you have had a few weeks' notice which seems reasonable. I know with schools you can get one request after another sometimes at short notice and it can really mount up and be an unexpected cost at the end of the month. But one payment of that kind which you've had several weeks to pay seems ok to me, on their part.

The OP has responded - her non response is the response

That's not what responding means.

It doesn’t work like that despite saying not compulsory it isn’t really a decision to take part or not. Unless you are in hardship and discuss with school the expectation is that everyone pays and takes part. It won’t go ahead if everyone doesn’t pay.

We pay a set amount per year at primary to cover all trips and activities other than residentials and works out cheaper in the long run. Perhaps this is some that you could suggest?

@Moltenpink

I don’t think people are understanding the OP here. The activity has been booked, it doesn’t need a response.

I'm understanding it perfectly. Of course it needs a response, you don't just ignore something that has a cost involved.

I’m not sure herc although to be totally honest i incline towards not booking activities that require significant sums of money.

I know there is an argument that children will miss out, but my issue is that in my experience parents will do absolutely everything to cough up that £15 rather than admit that they just can’t afford it, and that can mean debt or going without. It’s also not an insignificant amount if you have more than one child and often it’s not something you can budget for.

I do appreciate the other argument to that, but I just don’t think it’s fair that parents are put in a difficult position. Especially at this time.

But soup, that’s the thing, that implies the OP has got into debt, almost, and she hasn’t.

I would tell them very clearly that you do not consent to it and will not be paying for it.

I bet the school has booked this and is now wondering how it will cover the children that cannot or will not be going/attending.

It used to wind me up when DS was at school with the constant requests for money. I get that funding is reduced and they are trying to support the children with enrichment activities but I often struggled to find the money when the same parents had the activities paid for them.

Our school simple had two tick boxes on a return slip
Yes my child will be going
Yes I will be paying

Handed into the form teacher.

I can't see any embarrassment there. You didn't have to discuss anything with anyone.

otter Agreed re the cost. We'd give at least a terms notice (12 week minimum) for that much.

It's a difficult balancing act, we never want children to miss out. We're secondary so can also gently probe kids to find out why they haven't responded. I'll then make proactive phone calls to see if there us support we can offer the family. Often accessing the right services is a huge barrier.

Just let school know one way or the other if she will be going.

If paying is a genuine issue then let school know and ask if you can pay it in instalments

And I bet the school haven't actually booked the event. They need to make sure there are enough people paying to cover the cost before booking anything, unless they can cancel free of charge. WE were always having letters back saying as not enough people had paid, an event wouldn't be going ahead.

If you got the notification a few weeks ago, why haven't you said whether your DD is going or not? Things take a while to organise logistically, so it wouldn't be that hard for you to tell them either way. It is a bit annoying they keep chasing you, but equally it's annoying for them that you haven't responded either way.

@ThatIsMyPotato you can't have the costs increasing if some kids decide not to go, the problem then is that some if the parents who previously were happy to pay £15 can't now afford another £5 or £10 to fund the trip if the minimum number isnt met. Costs can ramp up when divided between a smaller number of participants eg a coach takes a fixed number of people but you still have to shell out for a whole coach even if it is half full.

It is absolutely standard procedure for school letters to use this wording about the chance of a trip being cancelled unless enough kids pay for it. It's not demanding or coercive, it is just factual.

If I were the school, instead of wasting time phoning, I would simply send an email saying "as we haven't heard from you we assume your child is not participating in the school trip. If you do still wish your child to take part, please provide payment by end of tomorrow so that we can finalise numbers and determine if we have sufficient pupils participating."

I think phoning up is a bit much, unless perhaps your child has told the teacher they are going on the trip, but the teacher doesnt have a tick in a box for you.

Our school labels it as “voluntary contribution” but in fact it isn’t really voluntary. They expect it paid unless you have real financial difficulties. They wouldn’t exclude your child from the activity but they still need the majority of parents to pay. It isn’t really optional!

idontlikealdi mentioned a letter that said costs would increase so it seems schools do it.

The school need to know whether you wish your child to go on the trip or do the activity. The payment is a separate issue.

It is a ratio staff to pupil thing as well as risk assessment. eg we took KS1 children to a safari park, any child who has a medical condition (epilepsy, diabetic) has an exclusive TA to look for signs or symptoms, they are not included in the staff to pupil ratios. Any children who are not going on the trip need to be considered too. They need to work out the cost of the mini bus or coach with seat belts and the insurance associated with it.

The payment thing, schools do not have an endless pot of money and have to weigh up the benefit of funding this trip for one year group against another trip for a different year group. At a fairly affluent school I volunteer in we run out of glue sticks, we ask the children not to draw unnecessarily on their white boards as we only have a certain number of white board markers. My Christmas gift to the class was rubbers for goodness sake. They are like hen's teeth.

So please respond to the school, they have better things to be doing than chasing up permission slips and possible payments.

I remember son's school organising a cinema visit that tied in with the book they were reading. It was an optional, not enough room for everyone to go, outing
DS didn't want to go, so I sent the slip back saying "no" and they started chasing for the money!!!