School request for money

[TinyTroubleMaker]

Wondering whether this is normal. Dd1 is in Year 2. Lovely school, in what I would call a lower middle class area, on average (in case that's seen as relevant. It isn't a hugely poor area for example). A few weeks ago I received a notification that an activity had been booked for the children in her year, at a cost of about £15 and it would go ahead if enough parents paid this. Sounded fair enough that parents could choose whether to pay, which is their decision. I hadn't got round to paying as have been very busy and hadn't quite decided either way if I'm being honest. It seemed quite a high cost and DD already does a number of paid-for activities.

Since then I've started receiving daily messages and more recently calls from the school, as though this is an outstanding debt I'm due to pay and haven't. Which shifts the dynamic a bit. The calls come in from the school line during work meetings so I can't answer them, I then get a follow up message saying I should pay online. Normally I would jump to it if the school rang during the day, so I'm a bit annoyed they are calling to chase money as I don't know whether it's an emergency with my child or not when I see their number on the phone. Going forward I won't be as inclined to jump out of a professional meeting and answer. It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf.

I'm in two minds about whether to pay. I'm down to my last money this month, that has to last 10 days until I'm paid. The school money is for a nice activity but nothing my child won't cope without. I'm feeling resentful that I was never asked whether it's something I agree to, but I'm being chased as though I'm a culprit who hasn't paid something owed. I can't help feeling if I were a parent with money worries, the tone of the communications would put someone under more undue pressure and it's not right. Noone should feel obliged to pay something they never asked for or agreed to, or feel they owe a school an explanation about their personal finances.

YABU - shut up and cough up, this is completely normal behaviour from a school
YANBU - no I wouldn't like that either

@NeverDropYourMoonCup Thanks for summarising my childhood. Those are the exact reasons I am so determined to make sure kids have the opportunities to explore the world and question the boundaries they see before them.

Plus paying back the volunteers and teachers who didn't settle.

I was told that I should have thought about the child's needs and squeezed in one more.
That's disgraceful . No wonder people behave like entitled arseholes when it's rubber stamped for them at every turn.

Making kids miss out on experience and knowledge because some people are wealthy enough and interested enough to pay for and facilitate more than a view of the white dogshit outside the front gate for their children isn't just unfair, it's spiteful and cruel

Excellent post and I think sums it up. Those saying it’s unfair if I can’t afford it so no kids should go are being self absorbed and not thinking of the benefits many of those children get by going. Many people can’t take their kids places, due to personal circumstances Ie physical or mental health issues, or maybe heavy work hours, lots of kids etc . Others won’t take them because they can’t be arsed.

For those children these trips are a ray of sunshine in a difficult life and no one should be trying to take that away from them becayse they can’t afford their own kids to go.

I have this issue but I respond to the school straight away with a signed permission slip and
"DD would love to go on trip to X at Y date, however I am unable to afford the cost of trip/ activity. I appreciate that means she may not be able to go. Please let me know if she has a place"

They still put it in my online balance for money owed to school so I have to them email the school to ask them to remove it.

I pay where I can but not at the expense of food or bills for that month.

Just be upfront OP and they won't keep ringing you

@NeverDropYourMoonCup thank you for that post. I ran school trips for children who might otherwise not have been to those places/done those things. I always found it really stressful (SO much responsibility for keeping them all safe, especially as they had additional needs!) but you just made it all worthwhile

@NeverDropYourMoonCup Thanks for summarising my childhood. Those are the exact reasons I am so determined to make sure kids have the opportunities to explore the world and question the boundaries they see before them

Thank you, both. It's exactly why I've volunteered at Brownies, run and volunteered for community music projects, volunteered at a Wildlife and Ecology Centre and now work in schools. Those teachers opened my eyes beyond 'You're going to get a job when you're 16 and buy my house for me'. I now have a 'nose' for kids who are missing out due to finances or uninterested parents and make sure they get picked up on and offered those chances. Not because it makes me a better person, but because it gives them the knowledge and experience to know they have choices beyond their current lifestyle. And don't they say that knowledge is power?

I was told that I should have thought about the child's needs and squeezed in one more. This is why people get fed up, my time is as important as yours and sending you countless emails that you ignore just makes you go on my rude/entitled wanker list
Did that come from Guiding UK? It's awful that you were undermined like that.

I've had parents think that their (genuinely) lovely child should have been given a space on enrichment trips or activities because Mum is on the PTA. Apparently "everyone knows that names out of a hat doesn't mean that". She kicked up a fuss because she felt that less deserving students were given places, and by less deserving what she meant were poor students, students with complex pastoral needs, students with SEN, and students who sometimes display bad behaviour in certain lessons. It didn't change my view of the lovely student, but it was a horrible eye opener to working with a certain type of middle class parent.

I had a similar childhood to mooncup. My single mother who worked three jobs would always pay in installments and was always upfront with the school about it. And she did pay. Every penny.
Organising Primary School trips for the last 20 years has taught me this: for every parent who is genuinely struggling (in which case, come and speak to us and we'll sort it out), there are at least five more who are completely taking the piss and will tell anyone who will listen that 'I never pay'. Complete and utter pisstakers - and these are kids with designer coats, i-pads, computers and the latest games console whose parents drive a much better car than me.
For those saying 'It's not fair' - well no it fucking isn't - it's not fair that schools are so underfunded and that we can't cover the costs of basic materials. We ask for contributions so your kid can go on a trip for cheap FFS.

Schools always say this because of those on benefits that cannot afford it. It's not really an option. They expect it but cannot say that anymore. We get chased all the time for these things. One time I did not pay because I knew my son had a medical appointment that day which I told school about. They still kept asking me for it. I told them he would not be in school so I will not be paying.

@FortniteBoysMum

Schools always say this because of those on benefits that cannot afford it. It's not really an option. They expect it but cannot say that anymore. We get chased all the time for these things. One time I did not pay because I knew my son had a medical appointment that day which I told school about. They still kept asking me for it. I told them he would not be in school so I will not be paying.

That's a bit if a nasty comment. It isnt just people "on benefits" who sometimes struggle to pay for extra things. And so many people in employment receive top up benefits, and most people receive child benefit, so what exactly does "on benefits" even mean?

At our school, parents return the reply slip giving permission but saying that they can't pay, or offering to pay in instalments.

Absolutely no judgment, but the event will be cancelled if we can't cover the cost.

It's very odd to just not reply though op, especially as they've been chasing. Why not reply so that they can spend their time doing something else instead?

And not replying isn't an answer in itself. Many, many times irate parents complain if we assume that their child won't be taking part without checking that they haven't just misplaced the form or forgotten to return it. We chase as a courtesy. Return the favour by replying.

I was told that I should have thought about the child's needs and squeezed in one more. This is why people get fed up, my time is as important as yours and sending you countless emails that you ignore just makes you go on my rude/entitled wanker list.

It's terrible that your own guiding association did this to you. Of course it isn't your responsibility to continuously chase and accommodate people who CBA to pay what they owe
But the OP doesn't really owe this. She hasn't said yes and then refused to pay. To me, her silence on the matter means no.
Fwiw, you wouldn't need to chase me for money - if I committed I would pay. If I wanted my child to take part, I would pay.
But I still think that the school shouldn't be chasing for something the parent didn't ask for and hasn't expressed any interest in.

That said, it is important that children who wouldn't otherwise, get opportunities. So I think we need to come up with a better system which doesn't rely on individuals paying or not paying for specific trips, where their decision impacts on the whole group.

and hasn't expressed any interest in.

They also haven't expressed any disinterest. They simply can't be arsed to reply. Just like on this thread really.

You don't just not reply to these things, you have to say yes or no.

But I still think that the school shouldn't be chasing for something the parent didn't ask for and hasn't expressed any interest in

I’m not convinced they are. In my experience they chase for payment when you’ve confirmed the child is going. I think the op has confirmed they are going but doesn’t wish to pay. And is not communicating that to them, so the school thinks the child is going and the op is paying.

Hence why she’s talking about having no money and payment being optional. She just needs to tell them she can’t pay. Or whatever her decision is. It’s the lack of communication that’s the issue

@Bluntness100

But I still think that the school shouldn't be chasing for something the parent didn't ask for and hasn't expressed any interest in

I’m not convinced they are. In my experience they chase for payment when you’ve confirmed the child is going. I think the op has confirmed they are going but doesn’t wish to pay. And is not communicating that to them, so the school thinks the child is going and the op is paying.

Hence why she’s talking about having no money and payment being optional. She just needs to tell them she can’t pay. Or whatever her decision is. It’s the lack of communication that’s the issue

This is also how I read it. If she has said her child is going she needs to expect to tell the school she can't afford to pay, not just let them keep chasing her.

@ MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously no it's not obvious what her decision is. I'm.not sure you really understand how many parents ignore communications with schools. They might actually need to know either way...outrageous I know!!! The school daring to know transport requirements etc u heard of. Or maybe it's just respectful to communicate so they know a) op is getting their letters
b) they can get hold of OP and have the right details and c) if OP’s child can go. Voluntary payment doesn't automatically mean a child.doesnt go on outings but might still need permission.

Loving the irony of OP not returning to the thread.

The teachers need to sort out if they have enough people who have paid so they can go ahead. If they already have enough people who have paid, they need to work out how many children are going so they can take enough staff (if the activity is out of school!) or where the children whose parents have not paid are going to go on the day and what work to set them

The school need to book and you arsing around playing silly nuggets stops them being able to plan. Either pay or tell them that you won’t pay so that they can plan accordingly. The organisation of a school trip is hard enough without patents deliberately not communication their international and making it harder.

School trips and activities are usually paid for by the parents, it isn't really voluntary. That said, if parents cannot afford it, schools can figure it out. If parents ignore the message the chances are the trip/activity cannot go ahead which is really unfair.

Our school do this they badger and badger. You get a digital form to click yes my child is allowed to go, yes I am willing to pay or no I am not.

If you click yes but haven’t paid within 10 minutes the emails start and then the reminders.

They once sent out an email stating that the balance needed to be paid by end of day Friday with a nice little bit that those who hadn’t paid children wouldn’t get the ice cream on the trip and only the actually the curriculum bit not the fun bit. That seems to of worked and now they add of a fun thing like donuts at the beach or an ice cream so quilt the parents into paying otherwise their child will be singled out.

I’ve always paid for all apart from swimming I tend to pay upto what the amount of lessons would cost me privately and no more than that.

I’d reply with a no thanks, dobt wish my child to attend.

School is trying to organise an activity under covid risk assessed guidance and therefore you should inform them if you child is not participating in this paid for event. You sound very up yourself OP, the school admin are doing there job

Not being judgemental here but my opinion! I know payment isn’t compulsory but when my DS is in school I’d rather go without something than know that my child got a free place on the trip that has cost a lot of money for another family. I honestly don’t feel that £15 is all that much when you factor in entry fee and the cost of coaches. I’ve organised several school trips and they are not cheap! Most of our trips are heavily subsidised by our governors and we still don’t get a lot! I understand if families have to pay for more than one child it is a lot but £15 for one child is not!

FFS.

Pick up the damn phone and give them an answer one way or another.

I don't think parents understand that there is not 'extra' money in school budgets. If you don't want activities like field trips, in school special events, then say you're not going to pay for them so the schools stop trying to organise them. Make school utterly boring for your children.

You don't mention if the school have given you a deadline for deciding on this trip, but schools usually do.
I would just call them and say yes or no and that should put a stop to the calls. Be honest, it's £15 not a few hundred, it shouldn't be a massive decision.
As other posters have mentioned, the school is probably trying to confirm numbers before booking the trip.