AIBU?
Ex adopting step-child
EWAB · 16/05/2021 19:02
Tell me truthfully how you would feel.
Ex has asked my opinion about adopting his step-child who is upper primary.
Our own child is an adult albeit a dependent one as they are at university.
I told him it had absolutely nothing to do with me and he needed to discuss this with our child.
The truth is I am really upset. How would you feel both emotionally and about the practical implications for your own child?
Standrewsschool · 16/05/2021 19:12
That’s a really lovely thing for him to do. I don’t really see the issue.
Has he been the step-dad to the child for a long while. If so, he’s just formalising the relationship.
What practical implications do you envisage? What are you upset about?
NakedBanana · 16/05/2021 19:15
I'd hate it OP, I can't tell you why, as I don't know!
Yes I'd be worried about inheritance, but as you say that has nothing to do with you. Also the long term, what if they split up? Would your child still have contact with with her new step sister.
My mind would be spinning too but it's your child he needs to be discussing it with.
Also it's all a bit strange, why the need to adopt?
Yeah complete mind fuck. But don't worry the mumsnet keyboard warriors will be along soon telling you what a terrible person you are!
EWAB · 16/05/2021 19:30
@NakedBanana exactly how I feel.
@lockdownalli I can’t articulate why I feel the way I do. He spoke to me to me first to suss out how our adult child might feel.
I do feel that their relationship is compromised because of this child... having a half-sibling is kind of organic but adopting a step-sibling is something else.
Potential Inheritance is definitely an issue 100%. I know mumsnet hates this.
SnackSizeRaisin · 16/05/2021 19:33
While discussion with the older child would be nice, it's not really their choice to make. Most people wouldn't consult their adult child before having another baby. Having another child doesn't mean he loves the existing one less. I don't really see why it's such a problem, and it won't change anything practically for the older one, apart from their potential to inherit perhaps, but presumably that's years away and it seems like a very greedy reason to dislike the idea. I really don't see why you would be so horrified. Presumably the child's own father is not around, so it will simply means that the step child effectively has 2 parents, putting them on an equal footing with your own child
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