To think she’s using me as childcare?

[Rainallnight]

I don’t want to talk about this in my friendship group because I’m very anti playground Mum politics. But need to get this off my chest.

DD is in reception and is friendly with a little boy there. We have had him over to our house for a play dates around five times. She has never been invited to his. The mum keeps saying that they must have her back sometime. I am taking a break from work at the moment, and the other mum works full time.

AIBU to think that the other mum is only interested in the childcare?

Walking around all day and meeting members of the public are not the only jobs that are stressful, how bizarre to think that.

Hard to do if you work FT. I do agree if its been 5 times I would leave it. But I agree if u stay home there more time to do this. The mams I knew always had mine another week

You are right to step from her op. It's selfish behaviour. I work part time this year since covid but prior to that I would return the favour of playdates on Saturday afternoons.

Working full time does not excuse her inviting your child over.

Walking around all day and meeting members of the public are not the only jobs that are stressful, how bizarre to think that

Where did anyone say that?

I said wfh is PHYSICALLY less tiring. Yes even at director-level. You don’t have to leave your house or rush around anywhere. Sure you might be busy all day but I presume you’re sitting down for hours. And you have no travel or commute to tack on, no long drive home or waiting around for trains and buses.

Admin and training; don’t we all do these things from time to time whether wfh or not? But for some people they don’t get the choice of wfh, unless they have admin or training.

Her asking you to have him is a very different kettle of fish from your inviting him over. If you’re feeling used, then you’re probably onto something- as others have said, gut instinct is usually right in these cases. If your DD is asking to see the little boy, I’d continue to invite him (at a time convenient for you), but I wouldn’t have him again at his mother’s request.

I am the person who always had kids round to mine. I wanted DD to have company and so I’m the one who always hosted.
Many of the other parents worked far few hours that me.
Some of them never ever reciprocated and it did start to piss me off. One child told DD she wasn’t allowed friends round because her room was too small. Yet on FB I could see other kids at hers. I never invited her again.

One girl lives very close and it became expected she came round twice a week. She was a bit of a pain (which is why her mum wanted rid of her). I asked if DD could go round there once when I had a genuine emergency to be told they were having a ‘lazy day’. Never invited the girl again, lots and lots of hints since. Nope.

I find some parents act like they are doing you a favour having their kids round to entertain yours

Parents who don't reciprocate playdates were my parenting bugbear!
Happy enough to accept, but not to return the invitation. Rude and unfair.
Just get your shit together; there is no excuse.

Everyone is different and does this for varying reasons.

OP's situ is... this 'parent' is taking the Piss.. trust your instincts 🌸

Does your DD like having this little boy around? Does it make your life easier if she has someone to play with?

I'd continue the arrangement if it suits you even if you feel slightly 'used' (but maybe reduce the frequency). But actually if your DD would like to see other friends or having this child round is a pain, then put a stop it.

Growing up, I remember that my mother used to have one of my older brother's friends around a lot while his mum worked. It was my brother and two younger sisters (with a big age gap in between), so it made it easier for her if he had a friend to play with. But the friend was a nice boy who helped out and just went along with things so no bother.

I'm an uneven playdate/sleep over mum. As a working single parent I often don't have time for caring for extra children. My children have tiny bedrooms when compared to their friends too (have seen some of them) so it isn't always practical unless a sibling is away. However I do acknowledge this with the other parents so they know I'm aware it is uneven. Most reassure me that my children are no problem and they are happy for them to be there.

I’m not sure you can properly gauge things over the last year. It could be she has a partner who is wfh and their house isn’t big enough to have a play date at the same time.

You don’t need to invite or agree if asked to have another child visit.

I can't facilitate any play dates for my children (I'm a teacher) unless they start at 6.00. Not many people want play dates at the weekend, so we just don't do them. If you have the time after school and she doesn't, there's not much you can do really.

If you’re inviting him then YABU... just stop if you’re feeling used
If she is suggesting them then she is CF