To ask for a polite way to explain maternity leave is not ‘a year off’?

[TurquoiseKiss]

Returned to work this week after maternity leave of 1 year. All my colleagues are nice people so I don’t think this has been meant maliciously but a few have followed “welcome back” with “I wish I could take a year off” / “what did you get up to? Any nice trips?” / “you’re looking well, must have been nice to have a year break from work” (obviously this is what happened but the tone was as if I’d gone to lay on a beach somewhere and had ‘me time’ for 12 months!).

Suggestions please of the nicest way to say: “I birthed a baby, spent 5 fairly traumatic nights on a postnatal ward with no visitors allowed, haven’t had a full nights sleep since last April, didn’t go on any trips because y’know I took the time away from work to start raising a tiny person not seek out cheap last minute jollys…Comprende!?”

Yours,
Tired Mum

Don’t.

Did you have a baby for anyone’s good except your own?

Laugh along and say, “yeah it was great, aren’t we lucky to live in a country where maternity leave is a thing?”

Well, it is a year off from the workplace. Whilst it’s bloody hard work it’s a change from 9-5 grind.

You’re never going to get through to these people. Smile and ignore. Or make up some outrageous stories.

Just don't... You're certainly not the first etc...

I’m asking for tips to change the narrative around maternity leave being viewed by some as a ‘holiday’.

Well surely it was nice to have a year off work? They have a point, you’re being arsey for no reason

For a huge number of people I know they do see it as a year off. The ones that don't enjoy it go back to work - sometimes earlier than planned!
Yes it's not all a holiday but it's time you can spend how you choose

I just got back after a year ‘off’ on maternity leave a few weeks ago

Pleased to say no one has joked about it being a years holiday

I’ve had quite a bit of sympathy due to it being during a pandemic.

It certainly wasn’t a years jolly holiday

But neither was my first maternity leave which wasn’t during a pandemic

Humour combined with withering scorn.

Or just poke them in the eye with a fork.

It is a year off though? I've had two kids and had a year off each time, I thought it was excellent, despite the sleepiness nights / pain / breastfeeding etc. I think you're being a bit over sensitive.

What strange people are asking if you went on any nice trips during a pandemic.

Anyways ... doesn’t sound like you’re close to these people as seemingly haven’t spoken since you’ve been off so does it really matter.

Sleepless* definitely much sleepiness too though!

I wouldn't worry. People said similar things when I had six weeks off for orthopaedic surgery on both feet. I mean it was great to have an orthopaedic surgeon sawing my bones and putting in a metal screw. Obviously it didnt feel like much of a holiday to me being unable to even walk for weeks.

Say it’s nice to be back in work to have a break from the baby minding!

You've had a year off; they've possibly had to pick up some of your work for no extra pay. They sound perfectly nice people who are welcoming you back - but nobody cares about your five traumatic nights or your lack of sleep or your tiny person because that was your choice. Spare them the details.

Just tell them you wrote a novel and learnt Japanese. And what have they done with their spare time in the last year?

But it is a year off. What else is it? You chose to get pregnant, have a child, and a year off work with that child.

It’s been really tough having a baby during lockdown but he/she is so worth it. It’s nice to be back though.

Thanks for the responses. Maybe I am being a snowflake about it, I think it’s the lack of the term “leave” that annoys me when people talk about it. As in, it gets my back up to hear “this happened while you took a year off” rather than “this happened during your maternity leave”.

Welcome to parenthood -
If you are working part time get used to the ‘jokes’ about having a long weekend etc coming your way every week.

Be honest lack of sleep, a human milk making dispenser, sometimes lacking a wash with soap they'll soon stop making small talk.

It’s just small talk. Nobody needs to be lectured by you and have it explained to them what having a baby really entails. They just don’t want to ask about the baby/poo/sleepless nights you’ve had because ... well, they know you’ll tell them. In detail. And won’t stop.

I'm gonna g against the grain and say go for it. This kind of low level sexism needs to stop and it doesn't stop if we don't challenge it

Because it is a year off work? I have also “birthed” (AKA gave birth/had) a child and had an extended stay in hospital due to a traumatic birth, personally would have preferred no visitors due to lots of random people visiting the women on the ward but I appreciate not everyone would be the same.

I had (have) a non-sleeping child. People understand mat leave isn’t a holiday but it is time off, they are just making conversation.