To ask for a polite way to explain maternity leave is not ‘a year off’?

[TurquoiseKiss]

Returned to work this week after maternity leave of 1 year. All my colleagues are nice people so I don’t think this has been meant maliciously but a few have followed “welcome back” with “I wish I could take a year off” / “what did you get up to? Any nice trips?” / “you’re looking well, must have been nice to have a year break from work” (obviously this is what happened but the tone was as if I’d gone to lay on a beach somewhere and had ‘me time’ for 12 months!).

Suggestions please of the nicest way to say: “I birthed a baby, spent 5 fairly traumatic nights on a postnatal ward with no visitors allowed, haven’t had a full nights sleep since last April, didn’t go on any trips because y’know I took the time away from work to start raising a tiny person not seek out cheap last minute jollys…Comprende!?”

Yours,
Tired Mum

Eh? How the hell is macho to say you enjoyed maternity leave? Am I not parenting right if I enjoy any of it? Of course it’s hard, but juggling work and children is fifty times harder, so I’ll happily say I enjoyed maternity leave. And why the fuck shouldn’t I? Surely the misogynistic view is that maternity leave is only valid if you suffer conspicuously though it.

@enjoyingscience

Eh? How the hell is macho to say you enjoyed maternity leave? Am I not parenting right if I enjoy any of it? Of course it’s hard, but juggling work and children is fifty times harder, so I’ll happily say I enjoyed maternity leave. And why the fuck shouldn’t I? Surely the misogynistic view is that maternity leave is only valid if you suffer conspicuously though it.

I agree. I think it’s important that we leave non-judgmental space for people to describe their own parenting and maternity leave experiences truthfully. Neither struggling nor enjoying is more authentic or more supportive of other mothers or whatever.

FWIW I found my first maternity leave very difficult (birth injury, housing issues, mostly-grumpy baby, lots of issues relating to my own upbringing suddenly hitting me out of nowhere as I tried to get my head around becoming a parent). My second was the easiest and most enjoyable year of my adult life. In both cases I’d recognise them as ‘time off work’.

Also, whilst I’m really aware that covid must have made maternity leaves over the past year really hard and I don’t want to diminish that, I don’t see why it’s ridiculous that people ask whether you went anywhere? I’m a single parent of two children, with a full time job, and we’ve still had a couple of breaks in the UK this past year. If I’d not been working, we’d likely have managed a few more. It’s not been non stop lockdown anywhere in this country, and tbh babies are mostly easy to travel with.

Yeah to be fair, I definitely should have cooled off before typing it. It wasn’t appropriate at all and I do apologise. I am glad that people have enjoyed their maternity leave, I certainly am. It can be difficult to hear when people describe it as being easy though. But regardless didn’t know warrant my last post so as before I am sorry about that.

Newmumatlast, I disagree.
I don't think it's a 'reach' at all to think that by 'I wish I could take a year off' someone means they think the other person has had a lovely time doing only fun things, whether meant deliberately maliciously or not.