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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask honestly if you feel sorry for these women?

370 replies

LemonSherbetFancies · 09/05/2021 12:50

Who are approaching 40 and single with no kids?
I know a few in this situation and they always say they feel judged and inferior to women of that age who do.
Personally, I do not feel sorry for them if they do not have kids as they are not for everyone. But I do feel for women who don't have a supportive and loving relationship. Now, I am not saying women need a man to be happy but I know from myself how much nicer my life is with DP in it.

OP posts:
Hopdathelf · 09/05/2021 12:52
Biscuit
Sosigsandwich · 09/05/2021 12:53

Only if I knew them and knew it wasn't what they wanted.

MagnoliaBeige · 09/05/2021 12:53

No I don’t because I don’t assume that everyone necessarily wants a relationship or children and also don’t believe you need to have one or both to be happy.

thedevilinablackdress · 09/05/2021 12:53

Eh? These women??
If a friend expressed a wish that her circumstances were different regarding partner/children I would be sympathetic. But no, I don't generically feel sorry for those poor spinsters. Odd OP.

Royalbloo · 09/05/2021 12:55

How about don't decide anything for anyone else? Some people want kids, some don't. Some want a relationship, some don't. Why are we "feeling sorry for" anyone?

Deadringer · 09/05/2021 12:55

No, i envy them at times, but i don't feel sorry for them.

Wizzbangfizz · 09/05/2021 12:55

I envy them their freedom!

Original poster
LemonSherbetFancies · 09/05/2021 12:56

I am referring to the women in my life. Some ex colleagues, some family.
Many feel that they are looked down upon, pitied or seen as spinsters. Generally I get the same view as well as in my social circle, people do seem to feel sorry for women approaching 40 who do not have this in their lives. Yet on Mumsnet it seems to be a different story.

OP posts:
KFleming · 09/05/2021 12:56

I would have sympathy for a friend if I knew that they weren’t happy with aspects of their life, eg if they want kids but don’t have them.
I don’t automatically feel sorry for someone in that situation.

Coldwine75 · 09/05/2021 12:56

Envy id say, at times !

minou123 · 09/05/2021 12:56

Save your pity for those who need it.

As a 39 year old, single, child free woman, I'm having a great time.
Own my own house, see who I want to see, spend my money however I want.
Life is good, thanks for asking Wine

Onlyherefortheconspiracies · 09/05/2021 12:56

No because I am one. It's a choice and it's great. My life is mine to enjoy as I please.

OwlinaTree · 09/05/2021 12:57

I have a couple of friends who I know would have liked to have had children and haven't had the opportunity due to being single. I think saying I feel 'sorry' for them sounds a bit smug, but I do feel it's a shame they haven't managed to do something they wanted to do.

ClarkeGriffin · 09/05/2021 12:57

No, if they are happy, why should I think they should have children and a partner? Confused

To be honest, I wish more people would reconsider having children. Some really aren't fit to be parents.

vampirethriller · 09/05/2021 12:58

No. I'm nearly 40, single mother, no partner. I've never been happier.

romdowa · 09/05/2021 12:58

If I knew that they have had fertility issues or it had just never happened for them and they had wanted children then I would feel for them but if they didn't want kids or weren't upset about how things went then I'd be happy that they were happy. A family and a mortgage isn't for everyone.

minou123 · 09/05/2021 12:58

High five Onlyherefortheconspiracies
Grin

Sleepplease1111 · 09/05/2021 12:58

Hmm no I wouldn’t ‘feel sorry’ for them neither of those things are terrible life circumstances.

OwlinaTree · 09/05/2021 12:58

I wouldn't feel that way automatically about any single woman!

Chailatteplease · 09/05/2021 12:58

I wouldn’t feel sorry for them unless they were upset about it themselves.
People want different things from life 🤷🏼‍♀️

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2021 12:58

Blimey OP. Are you trying to kick off WW3? 😂😂

Royalbloo · 09/05/2021 12:59

I'm a single parent with no partner and I guarantee no one who knows me feels sorry for me - I have a great life thanks!

MadeOfStarStuff · 09/05/2021 12:59

YABU for assuming everyone wants the same things in life that you do

Of course I would have sympathy for someone if they were in a situation that wasn’t what they wanted in life. But I wouldn’t have blanket pity for anyone who doesn’t have a stereotypically “picture perfect” life.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/05/2021 13:00

No, many people are very happy single.

Some jump in because they purely don’t want to be single, not exactly the ideal basis for a stable relationship.

KarmaNoMore · 09/05/2021 13:00

Not at all, I don’t feel sorry for them, but I empathise if they wanted kids or a partner desperately.

Otherwise I just see them as independent women who made their own choices on what works for them. I also respect the fact that many can be single because they didn’t want to put up with relationships that didn’t work for them.