I am trying not to let this annoy me but it is (Step Parenting)

[Besswess88]

So I am going to have rant here.

DH and I aren’t in a great place atm so I am really trying not to sweat the small stuff to his face.

His teenagers are here this weekend (my kids have left home).

We have always had lose “house rules” which everyone is expected to respect, such as people don’t just help themselves to food, they ask, everyone helps clear up after dinner and screen time has to be reasonable etc.

Both his kids are overweight (I WOULD NOT DREAM of mentioning this to them) and eat a lot of snacks/sweets (which they bring with them).

I have suggested to him that we should perhaps eat more healthily particularly when they are here as so to role model good habits and get them to like healthier food options. He then starts going on about my DC3 who went through a phase of eating crap and I was very direct with him about it and he now chooses to eat very healthily (he’s actually now a vegan).

DD2 has been in the bedroom on her phone all day and I have said maybe he should try to interact with her as she is here to see him, is struggling with friendships at school and is very shy. He’s so defensive, mentions DC3 internet use, when he is home from Uni he is online a lot (doing work, lectures, has a job and has a gf!) and when my kids were younger they did have screen time limits and he used to hide the internet router from them (yes part of the reason they moved out was him!).

He runs around after him kids loading the dishwasher etc before they can (they are perfectly happy to do it) when my kids were that age if everything wouldn’t fit in, I once caught him making the my kids wash the remainder up by hand.

DD1 has helped herself to 5 surgery hot drinks today without asking and we’ve now run out of milk so rather than asking her to pop up the shop he went up there and said nothing.

What bugs me is that he was so anal about my kids (and we fell out all the time about it, I didn’t need him directing me in how to bring up my kids I was perfectly capable of doing it myself, and he’s only ever been a weekend/Disney dad to his own kids!) and he’s scared to say anything to his own and is a total Disney dad with his own and we seem go have a completely different set of rules from a couple of years ago.

As I said I am trying to hold my tongue as it’s irrelevant now really as my kids aren’t here (I have close relationships with them all), but it’s the bloody hypocrisy which is making me feel really angry and this whole my kids/your kids shit which he brings up at every opportunity.

Does anyone else get this?

You really do need to step back from this. Your H is trying to hide his inept parenting by trying to make you out to be a terrible parent and making you the bad guy for telling his kids to not eat food.

I’d point blank refuse to engage. His kids his responsibility. You might need to hide your weekly lunch ingredients tho.

If he as the parent is happy to allow his children to drink four sugary drinks in two hours (how does she manage that without being sick?). You’ll have to let them all get on with it.

Your not being listened to, your H is trying to make out that you are the bad one for trying to put on some boundaries. Step away, care less.

They’re not your DC, you really have no say as you can see for yourself. It’ll be better for your blood pressure to accept that your H wants this for his DC. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My ds 17 just made himself two mugs of hot chocolate to take up as apparently our mugs areN't big enough.
I don't care though as its a £1 a jar and some hot water
Mine don't have to ask for food now or ever. As they have to learn to regulate what they eat themselves , neither are overweight yet my nephew who had food restricted was and still is

If it’s that much of a punishment you should tell him you can’t get over how he treated your children compared to how he treats his, you feel you’ve let your children down and can’t love him anymore. And if it’s not that extreme a punishment (many parents limit screen time), then go ahead and do it. Your dc survived.

They do tend to ask what time dinner is though so won't eat just before and I buy snacks weekly and if they eat them all in 2 days , then I just don't buy until the following week so I think that helps
Could you maybe give them a snack box each and they can eat out if this but when its gone its gone , same as hot chocolate say its a months worth so if all gone over a weekend then they have to wait.
Mine use the one that you just add water too so no milk

OP even if they resolved their bad eating habits tomorrow, you'd find something else to complain about.

Your problem is you didn't deal with to the extent you should have, your husband's favouritism of his own children over yours. & Now that your children have grown up and flown the nest, you're feeling resentful of your husband and his children.

It's not about what your stepchildren eat and drink, it's your unresolved issues. As you've discovered, all you'll do is make yourself miserable and come across as miserable too. How many years of this resentment are you planning for yourself and do you think it will fulfill you?

You're stuck in a loop of yet again on another matter, pointlessly going on but not really dealing with the issue. Part of which appears to be your perception that in all ways, your stepchildren have had "more" and this is still the way of it.

Now you're at the stage of monitoring how, when and what they eat and drink. Where will that get you? Not to mention, you could step back and leave him to feed his children as he likes. It's up to them. Go off read a book, indulge a hobby, go for a walk etc

You need to actually own your part on the path towards all of this then get up and do something to address it, or right wrongs, whatever it takes to make you feel better. Nothing will change for you until you do.