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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my husband that his parents cant come over

264 replies

alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 13:45

Husband has very on and off relationship with his family and will make effort every 4 or 5 months then not taking at all inbetween and has not seen his parents in a year. Purely his and their choices. hes told me yesterday that they will be coming over on Saturday to celebrate his mums birthday. They live 4 hours away and will be driving. I told him that I'm not sure that it's a good idea as its scheduled to rain and we will not be able to stay in the garden the entire time. I told him why dont we wait a couple of weeks until we can stay inside and I will cook a nice meal and it will be a pleasant experience. He has told me that we can come inside if it's cold (which I've said no to) and theyve booked time off specifically to come over. But haven't even asked beforehand. Am I being unreasonable for telling my husband they can t come over?

OP posts:

PinkPlantCase · 06/05/2021 14:14

Do they expect to stay over aswell OP if they live 4 hours away?

Either way YANBU, saying they can’t come would avoid the inevitable argument when it gets too cold/it rains and your DH invites them in but you say no - because those are the rules!!!

Could you suggest meeting somewhere else for a walk and a picnic? Moves the problem away from your house

Trixie78 · 06/05/2021 14:18

Of course YANBU, when you live together as a family it's just rude to make plans and invite people over without discussing it together first. How do the people who voted YABU ever coordinate their lives with their families if everyone's just doing their own thing.

Don't even get me started on the fact you're the only one who seems interested in following the rules even though we're at a bit of a crucial time in the pandemic response 🙄🙄🙄

yoyo1234 · 06/05/2021 14:20

Can you meet half way at a restaurant? Is that okay with all the rules?

Bluntness100 · 06/05/2021 14:20

I don’t really understand how this works, why you’re the boss and he needs to obey? He can invite his parents to his own home, hopefully with your agreement, if not you can just leave, what you don’t get to do is tell him no. He’s not your child.

drpet49 · 06/05/2021 14:20

He hasn’t seen them in a year, they are driving 4 hours to celebrate his mums birthday and you want to stick to the rules. Give over.

FuckyouCovid21 · 06/05/2021 14:21

In another week or so you'll be allowed to go into other houses, not sure I could get worked up about this...unless you just don't want them to come and are using Covid as an excuse

Original poster

alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 14:25

We dont drive so cant meet half way and have toddlers. He hasnt seen or spoken to them in a year because they don't talk to each other, I speak to his parents more han he does to keep them updated on the kids. I told them to wait a couple of weeks and I'll make a lunch and do balloons the whole hog. I'm not a fan of them coming over as they dont respect me as a whole and will just come in anyway

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 06/05/2021 14:30

Have his parents been vaccinated?

6Helen7 · 06/05/2021 14:31

If you don't want them to come, fine, but don't use covid as an excuse. Personally I think you're being unreasonable.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 06/05/2021 14:31

Hmm yeah best wait until midnight on the 16th where magically covid won’t be able to enter people’s homes.

Or maybe just get on with it now, and let common sense prevail, but then it’s a little bit obvious you’re hoping to use covid as a reason to say no.

AnatomyJane · 06/05/2021 14:33

By the time they come it will only be seven days before the “official” date you can go inside...personally I wouldn’t have an issue but it soounds like you don’t like them anyway.

PatrickBatemann · 06/05/2021 14:34

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Hmm yeah best wait until midnight on the 16th where magically covid won’t be able to enter people’s homes.

Or maybe just get on with it now, and let common sense prevail, but then it’s a little bit obvious you’re hoping to use covid as a reason to say no.

This

murbblurb · 06/05/2021 14:36

No one is so special that they have a legal exemption. You aren't allowed in other people's houses until may 17 earliest.

Science, data,pandemic and lots of other stuff that can be too difficult for some on here.

ChaBishkoot · 06/05/2021 14:37

Are his parents fully vaccinated? Are you? If yes to both I would feel entirely comfortable indoors. (See CDC guidelines on this). To be honest, if you all had one vaccine I would maybe wear masks indoors? But I think disinviting them feels mean.

FeelinHappy · 06/05/2021 14:37

I would suggest putting it off too, but then so would my husband.

You need to talk to each other like grownups. It's rubbish he's just presented you with a fait accompli, but you can't just unilaterally tell him "no" either.

PatrickBatemann · 06/05/2021 14:38

@murbblurb

No one is so special that they have a legal exemption. You aren't allowed in other people's houses until may 17 earliest.

Science, data,pandemic and lots of other stuff that can be too difficult for some on here.

Common sense also seems 'too difficult for some on here' too apparently.

Original poster

alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 14:39

Oh right, I didnt realise everyone was just saying balls to it all now. how can I be using covid as an excuse when I said that I will do a whole party in a couple of weeks. What I'm not a fan of is being TOLD something is going to happen without even being asked, feeling anxious and stressed the entire and having 10 people shoved inside a tiny 2 bed when it inevitably pisses it down.

OP posts:

Horehound · 06/05/2021 14:40

Meh I'd let them come and just eat indoors. Literally nothing will change between now and 17th may. The risk will be exactly the same.

Horehound · 06/05/2021 14:41

@alwaystired234

Oh right, I didnt realise everyone was just saying balls to it all now.

how can I be using covid as an excuse when I said that I will do a whole party in a couple of weeks. What I'm not a fan of is being TOLD something is going to happen without even being asked, feeling anxious and stressed the entire and having 10 people shoved inside a tiny 2 bed when it inevitably pisses it down.

Ah so it's more about the preparation?

Well, definitely get your husband to organise it/cook. He has offered it to then so he best get cracking and you just do what you can

honeybuns007 · 06/05/2021 14:42

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Hmm yeah best wait until midnight on the 16th where magically covid won’t be able to enter people’s homes.

Or maybe just get on with it now, and let common sense prevail, but then it’s a little bit obvious you’re hoping to use covid as a reason to say no.

I think you are being unfair. The OP said that they should leave it a couple of weeks and then she will cook them a nice me and they can socialise indoors so it hardly sounds like she's using Covid as an excuse to not see them

MichelleScarn · 06/05/2021 14:44

10 people, do you have 6 children? Or is it more than just your dhs parents coming?

GappyValley · 06/05/2021 14:44

But what if it rains in 2 weeks?

You’ll still have 10 people shoved inside a 2 bed house, but now with your balloons taking up more space!

Literally nothing is going to change, risk-wise, between now and then
So if you are happy to host them in a few weeks, there is nothing stopping you hosting them now other than complete pettiness and wanting to get one over on them and your DH

PatrickBatemann · 06/05/2021 14:44

so it hardly sounds like she's using Covid as an excuse to not see them

Yet her OP is all about covid?

Original poster

alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 14:47

@PatrickBatemann no I'm just following the rules. I haven't had any friends of family inside my home since I dont know when so I'm not a massive fan of just being demanded into something

OP posts:

Original poster

alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 14:48

@MichelleScarn I have 2 children and they have 3 and theyd bring partners fil.

OP posts:

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