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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my husband that his parents cant come over

264 replies

alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 13:45

Husband has very on and off relationship with his family and will make effort every 4 or 5 months then not taking at all inbetween and has not seen his parents in a year. Purely his and their choices. hes told me yesterday that they will be coming over on Saturday to celebrate his mums birthday. They live 4 hours away and will be driving. I told him that I'm not sure that it's a good idea as its scheduled to rain and we will not be able to stay in the garden the entire time. I told him why dont we wait a couple of weeks until we can stay inside and I will cook a nice meal and it will be a pleasant experience. He has told me that we can come inside if it's cold (which I've said no to) and theyve booked time off specifically to come over. But haven't even asked beforehand. Am I being unreasonable for telling my husband they can t come over?

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 06/05/2021 14:49

@Bluntness100

I don’t really understand how this works, why you’re the boss and he needs to obey? He can invite his parents to his own home, hopefully with your agreement, if not you can just leave, what you don’t get to do is tell him no. He’s not your child.
This. I can just see my bloke’s face if I started dictating to him like this.
SmidgenofaPigeon · 06/05/2021 14:50

Ok so leaving covid aside, in two weeks you’re prepared to ‘do the whole shebang’- but you could still arrange it, they take time off, drive for four hours, and it rains so there are lots of people inside a small house, still. That’s the nature of planning things in a U.K. summer.

justasking111 · 06/05/2021 14:53

well unless you are typing from a covid stricken country you are being unreasonable. But if they treat you so badly, then just arrange to be out when they come and let OH crack on.

5zeds · 06/05/2021 14:55

I’d say no.

Original poster
alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 14:55

@Alsohuman surely if you want someone to block off an entire day youd ask them whether they were free instead of just telling them it's going to happen 2 days before. I havent had anyone on my house all year it's just rude and I wouldn't do it myself...

OP posts:
grapewine · 06/05/2021 14:56

@Horehound

Meh I'd let them come and just eat indoors. Literally nothing will change between now and 17th may. The risk will be exactly the same.
This.
GabsAlot · 06/05/2021 14:56

he should have asked you first and seeing as the weather will be crap its not a great idea

why does he not talk to them for so long then just invite them over

Shoxfordian · 06/05/2021 14:57

Yeah I’d let them come over too

grapewine · 06/05/2021 14:57

And if my spouse started to dictate things to me, we'd be having a serious conversation. He is not your child. YABU for thinking that's OK.

Meowchickameowmeow · 06/05/2021 14:57

My husband can invite his parents to our home whenever he wants, he doesn't need my permission. How weird to think he should.

MichelleScarn · 06/05/2021 14:59

[quote alwaystired234]@MichelleScarn I have 2 children and they have 3 and theyd bring partners fil.[/quote]
Thats a LOT of people and seems to actually be you're hosting a family birthday event rather than just his parents. I've changed my opinion, no yabu to have this many people over you haven't invited, covid or not. Are they expecting you to wine and dine them?

museumum · 06/05/2021 15:00

My husband can invite who he wants too. But if he expects me to cater for ten he'd bloody well ask nicely with plenty of notice. And even if he expects me to co-host a group of that size he'd have the decency to ask ahead of time!

poppycat10 · 06/05/2021 15:03

OP could you take the kids out while they are there?

Or even better, go out for the day and leave DH to look after kids and his parents.

He is entitled to see his parents when he wants to. He isn't entitled to force you to do the work hosting them though.

Original poster
alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 15:04

@museumum thankyou. I'm not this evil cow, he does whatever he wants 99% of the time. I'm just not a fan of being told I'm going to have to drop all of my plans cook for 10 (because he won't) with no notice. That's why I said I'd do it in a couple of weeks when the restrictions have lifted and I could prepare, not have to cancel all of the plans i already had and would be a nice day

OP posts:
poppycat10 · 06/05/2021 15:04

If they are bringing other family members then you're going to way over 6 people - inside or outside.

Seriously, go out and leave them to it.

Nicolastuffedone · 06/05/2021 15:04

He doesn’t talk to them but has invited them over for his mother’s birthday? Well, at leat it’ll be a quiet day...

DialsMavis · 06/05/2021 15:05

I think after your update I agree with you... I have let 2 elderly relatives come in when it was rainy and cold and they were vaxxed and we were tested, but this sounds like loads of people all indoors

LemmysAceCard · 06/05/2021 15:06

I dont think there is anything you can do here OP, it would be nice if your DH respected the covid rules but he isnt.

You cant physically stop your husband inviting them, you can say no and explain why but you cant actually stop him. It is his house too. I would leave him to all the cleaning/cooking and go out for the day.

Horehound · 06/05/2021 15:06

[quote alwaystired234]@Alsohuman surely if you want someone to block off an entire day youd ask them whether they were free instead of just telling them it's going to happen 2 days before. I havent had anyone on my house all year it's just rude and I wouldn't do it myself...[/quote]
So did you have plans for that day?
Yes ok he should have run it past you, but the invite's gone out now so I think I'd just get on with it.

Original poster
alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 15:07

@Horehound no he didnt invite then. They just told him they were coming and had booked off the day before asking

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 06/05/2021 15:09

Id also be going out for the day, "of course darling,we have to be careful with numbers so I'll get out of your hair that day so if you do need to come in it won't be too bad" completely PA but I don't care!

lookylookyhooky · 06/05/2021 15:09

If the most effort you have to make is once a year you’re getting off light! YABU as you’re to making it unnecessarily difficult for his parents to visit.

justasking111 · 06/05/2021 15:13

Ten people no way, just clear off for the day, then return with bleach, zoflora and decontaminate the place very obviously tutting as you go round doing door handles, loo etc. He can phone in a takeaway for his crowd.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 06/05/2021 15:20

@Trixie78

Of course YANBU, when you live together as a family it's just rude to make plans and invite people over without discussing it together first. How do the people who voted YABU ever coordinate their lives with their families if everyone's just doing their own thing.

Don't even get me started on the fact you're the only one who seems interested in following the rules even though we're at a bit of a crucial time in the pandemic response 🙄🙄🙄

This is the crux of it to me. Of course the OP isn't being unreasonable to object to being presented with a fait accompli like this, particularly in the middle of a pandemic lockdown.
Yummymummy2020 · 06/05/2021 15:21

I think you are right to not be happy. And it was unfair for him to not give notice about this. I second the going out for a day and leave him to it! He won’t be so quick to repeat this when he realises how much work will have to go into it!!! I would be leaving him to clean the place after too!!!