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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH golf weekend at the same time as my Covid vaccine

222 replies

Bakinggiraffe · 03/05/2021 20:43

Well, I found out today that DH booked a golf weekend for beginning of July this week. I am due to have my 2nd Covid vaccine (AZ) on that Saturday. I suffered some side effects after the first doze and am shocked that he thought it was ok to go away and leave me to look after two children (10 and 13yrs) on my own. He said that I was overreacting and suggested that I changed the date of my vaccine. He was not very happy when I suggested he changed the date of his golf trip.
What would you do in my place? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 04/05/2021 07:33

Yes, YABU

mathanxiety · 04/05/2021 07:34

Saying that man is taken her for granted because he’s booked some time for himself ???
Sorry what ?? Men’s suicidal rate is threw the damn roof and it’s probs a lot to do with shit like this when they can’t openly do something they enjoy for a weekend without being chastised online !

I weep for the poor menz, but I weep even more for the handmaids who seriously can't see the difference between respectfully consulting their wives about weekends away and unilaterally deciding to absent themselves from home and dump all their responsibilities on their partners.

Can you honestly not see the difference?

Picture a woman doing that without talking it over with her husband, since the idea of a man doing it is apparently so natural to you that you are not questioning it.

LemonRoses · 04/05/2021 07:35

Really?

Billandben444 · 04/05/2021 07:36

He needs to be taught a lesson.

Kick him out now, sell the dog, melt down his golf clubs... Gosh, I love MN.

Well done OP for seeing YABU and I hope you'll be fine.

GCAcademic · 04/05/2021 07:37

YABVVU for accepting early on in the thread that you were being unreasonable. Don’t you know that everyone on here likes to administer a good kicking? You’ve ruined the only pleasure they get in life. Never mind, they’ll ignore your posts and carry on anyway.

Confusedandshaken · 04/05/2021 07:39

try not to belittle reactions. They aren't controllable.

This isn't strictly true. Emotions aren't controllable but an adult should be able to control their reactions to all but the most overwhelming emotions. If we couldn't we'd all be lying on the floor and throwing a tantrum every time we didn't get our own way.

On the point of the thread - I'm glad the OP has softened her stance a bit. It's been an awful 15 months for everyone and I would be delighted if my DH who has worked from home so diligently got a chance to go off with his mates for a golf weekend. I hope you don't get a bad reaction this time around but if you do your DC are old enough to cope if you have to retire to bed for a day or two. At the very worst, you can give them a takeaway pizza menu and let them get on with it.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/05/2021 07:43

One of the things I would be worried about in a situation like this would be whether you have to drive the kids somewhere. If you do would be an idea to have a back up plan. My MIL has been floored by the 2nd jab and would not be safe on the roads.

Posyc · 04/05/2021 07:57

Goodness. I thought you were going to say they were babies! Even then I would have said get on with it!

Teateaandmoretea · 04/05/2021 08:06

@ineedaholidaynow I am always puzzled by that as an argument because not everyone even drives.

I don’t know if yabu, it depends if the kids are going to miss out on anything that’s important. If not I’d just chill out and expect to have a quiet weekend.

MusicMenu · 04/05/2021 08:07

If it's that bad, surely the 10 and 13yo look after you.

mathanxiety · 04/05/2021 08:09

Yes, that's what children are for....

ineedaholidaynow · 04/05/2021 08:11

@Teateaandmoretea if you don’t drive then it wouldn’t be an issue but if you are in a situation where say the OP or her DH normally have to drive the kids somewhere as they live too far away to walk, it’s not much point saying the kids are old enough to fend for themselves when they wouldn’t be able to get to there without a back up plan in place.

mathanxiety · 04/05/2021 08:11

Meanwhile a married 'man' swans off on his oh so necessary golf weekend as if he were a single bloke with no family ties or responsibilities whatsoever.

BeeDavis · 04/05/2021 08:16

Massive overreaction, you don’t even know how you’ll be after the vaccine, just because you had some symptoms after the first! Pretty sure your children are capable of being minimal fuss for a couple of days.

saraclara · 04/05/2021 08:24

I'm glad you've realised you're being unreasonable OP. I read your question and pictured every single parent on this forum going WTAF?!

If it's AZ the second jab is supposed to be no problem at all. I was laid low after the first, so I'm glad of that.
Cancelling a weekend away for a partner's jab would be nuts. If I had a partner who expected that, I'd be totally bewildered, and very annoyed.

saraclara · 04/05/2021 08:26

@mathanxiety

Meanwhile a married 'man' swans off on his oh so necessary golf weekend as if he were a single bloke with no family ties or responsibilities whatsoever.
And if it was a woman on a break with her friends? You're being ridiculous. It's a vaccination for goodness sake. Not surgery
ineedaholidaynow · 04/05/2021 08:29

@saraclara it is not true that the second jab of AZ causes no symptoms. My MIL is much worse with the second jab than the first, still feeling rough after 4 days and she doesn’t do being ill.

mathanxiety · 04/05/2021 08:30

Does the woman head off without consulting her husband first?

Or does she present him with a fait accompli and expect him to pick up the slack regardless of what he has planned for the weekend?

Do you put up with your husband or partner announcing weekend absences without consultation?

Would you consider that to be part of a respectful, equal relationship?

mathanxiety · 04/05/2021 08:32

Cancelling a weekend away for a partner's jab would be nuts. If I had a partner who expected that, I'd be totally bewildered, and very annoyed.

Would you be totally bewildered and very annoyed if your partner arranged his weekends away without consulting you first?

Because that is what the OP's husband did, and regardless of the vaccination appointment it was high-handed and a case of taking someone for granted.

caitQ · 04/05/2021 08:33

Who booked which date first?

Babyjune21 · 04/05/2021 08:45

@mathanxiety I could easily and happily book a full weekend at a spa with my girlfriends and have with out telling my husband or asking him first then only telling him after it’s been booked , I’m not sure who your dating or who you friends are dating but I’d suggested dumping them I’m a grown ass woman and I don’t answer to my husband nor him with me ! Just like this man shouldn’t have to answer to her

ineedaholidaynow · 04/05/2021 08:52

@Babyjune21 what happens if both partners book the same weekend away without mentioning it to the other one first, what happens to the children!

I will always mention the possibility of a night out/away to DH before confirming it, to ensure he will be around for DC, dog etc.

Quartz2208 · 04/05/2021 08:56

[quote Babyjune21]@mathanxiety I could easily and happily book a full weekend at a spa with my girlfriends and have with out telling my husband or asking him first then only telling him after it’s been booked , I’m not sure who your dating or who you friends are dating but I’d suggested dumping them I’m a grown ass woman and I don’t answer to my husband nor him with me ! Just like this man shouldn’t have to answer to her[/quote]
Its not about answering to someone or asking permission it is about respecting the fact that in family life different people have different things booked and just checking that your weekend doesnt clash with something that the other person has in.

That is why family calendars are so popular

She has overreacted yes - but that doesnt mean that he hasnt been inconsiderate either

AndyYoureAStar · 04/05/2021 09:47

I think I'd be unhappy to discover my husband had booked a weekend away without checking the dates with me first at any time, to be honest, what if you'd done the same!? It does give off an air of "you're the default child carer, woman".

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 04/05/2021 09:50

He should have discussed with you, rather than announcing it as a done deal. Perhaps you can go away and leave him with the kids another weekend?

But the 2nd covid jab is more than likely fine, your kids are older and can cope if you're not 100%, and if you're worried you can move your jab date.