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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH golf weekend at the same time as my Covid vaccine

222 replies

Bakinggiraffe · 03/05/2021 20:43

Well, I found out today that DH booked a golf weekend for beginning of July this week. I am due to have my 2nd Covid vaccine (AZ) on that Saturday. I suffered some side effects after the first doze and am shocked that he thought it was ok to go away and leave me to look after two children (10 and 13yrs) on my own. He said that I was overreacting and suggested that I changed the date of my vaccine. He was not very happy when I suggested he changed the date of his golf trip.
What would you do in my place? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
CovidSmart · 03/05/2021 21:55

@RedcurrantPuff

Jesus some people really have no bloody resilience. Take a couple of paracetamol and get on with it. Surely you’ve had to look after your kids when you’ve felt unwell before? It’s not ideal but it’s just life.
For some people a couple of paracetamol isn’t enough. It might calm. Some fever but d does nothing for the aches or the exhaustion.

Happy for anyone who just needed a paracetamol. But it hasn’t been the case for everyone.

Which bares the question @Bakinggiraffe? How unwell were you the first time round?

jgjgjgjgjg · 03/05/2021 21:55

A day in bed being looked after by a 10 and 13 year old sounds quite nice.

My 12 year old is very good at keeping me supplied with cups of tea and snacks, as well as cuddles and company.

As others have said, you've got plenty of time to stock up on your favourite snacks and easy to cook stuff. And I assume the 13 year old can nip to a shop if necessary? Not seeing the problem.

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/05/2021 21:55

Yes, move your vaccine or just get on with it. A 10yr old and 13 yr old should be independent and able to make themselves meals if you are in bed for the day.

Chailatteplease · 03/05/2021 21:55

Agree with PP’s, you’re over reacting.

I had awful side effects after my first dose, still had my 9 & 11 year old whilst I was home alone. Stayed in bed and ordered them a takeaway.

(For the record, second dose I got flu like symptoms for a day or 2 too. It’s not always symptom free so I would prepare for that).

CovidSmart · 03/05/2021 21:57

@minniemomo, you’re right.
As the DH will be out of the hose all day, he certainly can organise all that before leaving for his golf jolly :)

RedcurrantPuff · 03/05/2021 21:58

Not belittling anyone @purplebatbear but it’s only a vaccine, even if Op feels shit after it we’ve all had to look after kids feeling like shit. Not great but you just have to grit your teeth sometimes.

Squeejit · 03/05/2021 21:58

Make sure you’re stocked up on stuff they can make themselves - sandwiches, crisps etc and if necessary order a takeaway for tea.
Let them step up. Who’s to say you’ll even be rough, but if you are they can fend for themselves

purplebatbear · 03/05/2021 22:01

I think there a huge difference between feeling flu-like/rough/hangover and feeling so ill that you can barely move/stay awake.

I was the latter and there is no way that I should have been left in some charge of any children in the state I was in (10 and 13 is still not that old).

So I think the question is - if the OP had a really bad reaction the first time, is it right for her DH to put her and the children in that potential position for a little jolly golfing weekend.

I think he can hit some balls another time...

Quartz2208 · 03/05/2021 22:01

First off I cant imagine anymore it is just as easy as phoning and moving appointments - since the over 40s have gone online a whole lot of appointments have gone and second jabs in July are not easy to get anymore.

Secondly they are 10 and 13 so you would be fine looking after them.

Your problem I think is that you are not communicating - you shouldnt be finding out he has booked a weekend where is the talking to each other. He should have said what weekends suit and adapted around the vaccination

Darbs76 · 03/05/2021 22:02

At 10 & 13 I’m sure you could order them a pizza if you’re sick. If they were babies or toddlers you’d have a point, but not at their age

purplebatbear · 03/05/2021 22:03

@RedcurrantPuff

Not belittling anyone *@purplebatbear* but it’s only a vaccine, even if Op feels shit after it we’ve all had to look after kids feeling like shit. Not great but you just have to grit your teeth sometimes.
As I've just said on here - I couldn't have looked after anyone in the state I was in after my AZ jab. It's not about pulling up your big girl pants and getting on with it if your body has a really bad response. It's about having the best support system in place to ensure the kids are looked after properly. One of them is still only 10. I'm sure Daddy can golf another day. It's not exactly an important event!
Doyoumind · 03/05/2021 22:04

Sorry OP but if this is your greatest concern at the moment then you're lucky. I'm a single mum with younger DC and have no choice but to just get on with it.

It will be fine. You're unlikely to be seriously unwell and they are old enough to cope if you are.

Maggiesfarm · 03/05/2021 22:04

@PickAChew

Second dose is much easier.

Your kids, sn excepted, are old enough to cope if you're not 100%. How do you think single parents manage? Have some easy to prepare food in, just in case.

That.
BurbageBrook · 03/05/2021 22:06

Overreacting definitely. They are not babies and second jab reactions aren’t as bad.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 03/05/2021 22:06

I agree with pp. They're 10 and 13! How much looking after do they need?

Thenose · 03/05/2021 22:07

You'd have a point if they were 2 and 3; but at 10 and 13, they should be capable of looking after not only themselves but you too. What are you expecting to do for them that you can't put off for a few days?

Floralnomad · 03/05/2021 22:07

Unless you are planning to be hospitalised then YABU , your children are old enough to make you drinks and sort themselves out should you feel the need to take to your bed .

sausagepastapot · 03/05/2021 22:10

You are fucking ridiculous. Your poor husband.

Quartz2208 · 03/05/2021 22:11

I hate the single parent managing analogy. It isnt the same at all. She has someone who could take the slack but decided unilaterally to book a golf weekend without checking her plans.

The question isnt can her and the children cope if she has a bad reaction because of course they can. But whether she should have too because they have a perfectly good father who could do it.

But who instead decided he should play golf instead. When I am sure he could pick a number of other weekends to do so.

Yet the first questions are can she rearrange her vaccine appointment not his golf holiday which he hasnt even tried to. Unless there is some other reason he cant that is much easier than trying to rearrange a vaccine appointment

OhShitShit · 03/05/2021 22:12

This thread is Grin

How do you think single parents have managed, OP?

I had the jab on a Thursday night, felt fine for a day then was knocked absolutely sideways for about a week after my first jab. I have long covid so not sure if that made a difference. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m a LP to a 4 year old.

We had lots of “front room picnics”, take out and “snuggles on the sofa with a blanket and a film” over the weekend, and then I had to work so he went to nursery. I rearranged my work diary so had no external meetings, told my team not to expect me to be on call after hours, had zero standards for housework that week, took a lot of ibuprofen and drank a lot of coffee.
We ate easy meals (beans on toast, more take out etc) and I went to bed when he did at 7 every night that week and put him in bed with me, as I was exhausted and afraid of sleeping so deeply, I wouldn’t have heard him from his room necessarily if he woke in the night.

You just... get on with it. You do what you can.

If you were actually sick I’d say your husband was being unreasonable, but as you’re just anticipating the possibility of vaccine side effects, with older children rather than babies.... I think you need to crack on tbh.

goingtotown · 03/05/2021 22:13

OP What side effects did you have with the first vaccine, were they so bad that you were unable to look after a 10 & 13 year old?

I agree with your DH you are overreacting, just admit that you don’t want him to have a golf weekend away.

bellie710 · 03/05/2021 22:14

I have a 10 and 13 year old and they are more than capable of looking after themselves, what would you even need you husband to do? They can make their own food and even go to the shop if needed so why would you need him to stay home?

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/05/2021 22:15

I don't understand why your husband didn't check with you before booking the weekend away. What if you had booked a weekend away with your friends at the same time? It seems a strange relationship where one party can simply disappear for a weekend, assuming the other will be around to stay with the children. I do basically all the childcare, and would never really say no to my partner going away, but I would be a bit miffed if he booked something without even mentioning it.
As for the jab.. well that depends a bit on how bad the side effects were the first time, but if you were really ill then it seems a bit inconsiderate to abandon you in that particular weekend.

HappyDaysToCome · 03/05/2021 22:16

I spent most of the day post vaccine in bed.

I was on annual leave and DH was working (in the garden office). Neither DH nor the 11 or 9 year old even noticed my absence....

AZ is not as bad for the second dose (whereas Pfizer is the other way round).

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/05/2021 22:17

I would have said yanbu if they were little ones or toddlers but at 10 and 13 they should be fine if you’ve got a few side effects. I understand you’d rather they have a nice weekend with a well parent, but sometimes it can’t be helped.

It does seem as though side effects are worse with the first than the second if it’s AZ so that’s another factor.

I can understand why you might not want to change it because you can’t see what the availability is before cancelling your existing one.