Do you smoke? Have you ever?

[Victoriabythesea]

I've been a smoker since I was 17, I don't smoke a lot probably about 4 to 8 on a normal day and more if I'm out on a weekend. When I met DH I was a smoker but he's never liked it and is always at me to quit. I don't want to quit I know the risks and I try to be considerate, I don't smoke in the house and I wear a coat outside to smoke so my clothes don't smell, I don't spend a fortune on them and I don't have DH sat in smoking areas with me when we go out.
Yesterday he told me he expects me to quit before we have another baby because it's gone far enough. I didn't smoke through my first pregnancy and I won't this time. I've never smoked around my baby either. I think it's unreasonable for him to expect me to quit when I've never said I would and I don't see how it bothers him. Some days I have a couple and that's it.
Am I being unreasonable to never plan on quitting? I know the risks. I go running everyday, I have a healthy diet and I only have a couple of bottles of wine now and then. Why should I give up smoking?

I generally disagree with controlling husbands on here.However I think he has a point ! I could never marry a Smoker! He is not being unreasonable ,he is the one that can smell smoke on you (Your coat will smell obv, o unless you leave it in the shed it will smell indoors .

I gave up smoking 15 years ago when I was pregnant with my first dc.
And I miss it every single day!

I used to when I was young, for maybe 3 years. My sister encouraged me to start with her when she fancied trying it, then used it as a blackmail tool threatening to tell our parents that I smoked every time I pissed her off .

I stopped completely when I met my husband. He didn't like it, and quite frankly I was embarrassed about the image it gave off.

I don’t smoke, never have apart from a single drag on a friend’s fag which I didn’t enjoy so didn’t do it again.

OP, one thing to think about is that smoking impairs nutrient absorption, so even if you do eat a healthy diet you won’t be getting the full benefit of it.

Never smoked. When I had my prem baby years ago, I’d watch all the pregnant mums to be having a fag outside the hospital whilst having to visit him in the SCBU. Dreadful. Believe me you will smell of fags. Give up so that your kids don’t smoke either.

Yes I have smoked and no I don't smoke now.

I'm one of the very few YANBU. It's true that there will be some 3rd party smoke transfer to your children, which has been proven scientifically to be harmful, so in that sense, I can sympathise with your DH. However, at two a day I think the risk will be low.

My grandma smoked that sort of quantity (died age 94), and my best friend's mum, and I never thought 'You smell of fag smoke' about them. If he's that upset about it I would try to compromise perhaps, having some days when you don't smoke, or seriously limiting the amount?

Ex smoker here, packet a day, proper addiction for too many years. You only smoke a few a day so wonder if truly "addicted" or more habit of "escape" for a few mins. Stopped with minimal effort thru vapes, the small ecig things that don't make clouds of vapour - maybe give a try? Agree only you can make this decision and pressure from others just doesn't help, in fact makes it worse- you know the risks. I also run and ran for many years as a smoker- disappointed my times haven't really changed! However, feel so much better generally and the smell thing really is true, we just don't notice it when smoking..

Never smoked. Filthy disgusting habit. Can't stand the smell, can't stand being around people who smoke.

I smoked like a chimney until dec 31 and haven't smoked at all this year and don't intend to ever again.
Hardest month ever quitting cold turkey but i did it.
My motivation was my kids, I didn't want to end up with a life limiting condition or cancer. I appreciate that may happen anyway but I would feel so guilty knowing I brought it on myself.
My teenage son hated me smoking and it was my stress coping tool. My friend when I was low and a crutch.
I miss it so much sometimes but I'm 100% less stressed not smoking and don't have a disgusting cough or smell anymore.
YANBU but something to consider

If you have a pregnancy or any under 5s in the house then nobody should be smoking. It's proven to be damaging. Do you want to die of cancer, or lung disease, or heart disease, do you want to leave your children early? Do you want to see your grandchildren?

100% agree with your husband.

You have always been a smoker and never said you would quit. Your choices, and he always knew the deal. He is being unreasonable and I would tell him to stop going on about it, it will cause unnecessary friction in your relationship. I don’t smoke btw - my bf used to, he chose to stop, his choice.

Both my parents did, at least 20 a day each. It killed them both.

No I've never smoked and neither had my brother. We were bought up in a smoking household, sometimes four adults smoking and gated the smell. Also having to always wait around while smokers had ' just on more fag'

My partner smokes and had cut down but it does drive me barmy that he needs a smoke whenever we've driven anywhere, so I'm always having to go off without him

I have put my foot down about him smoking between courses when eating out as I don't want the gross smell bringing back to the table when we've just eaten

Smokers never admit that they smell, they do no matter how careful they think they are. I was asked if I smiled once at nursery as the smell had got onto my coat

I am an ex smoker. I quit when I was pregnant, and have never smoked since. I think you should give up, for your children's sake and your own.
How would you feel if your children took up the habit?

After reading a few others posts I have to agree to the smoking dulling taste senses. It drives me potty OH covering food in salt and frequently says food has no taste. It does

I’ve never smoked as both my parents did and the house stunk of it. My mum died at 47 of lung cancer. You don’t have to be old to get cancer.

[quote Victoriabythesea]@eepeep
Does he have any vices that he's unwilling to give up?

Drinking. and taking hour long toilet breaks on his phone to escape chaotic points of the day. My 5 minute cigarette breaks at the bottom of the garden are nothing compared to those![/quote]
Well, then he hardly gets to tell you what to do. Don't have another child with someone who goes to sit on the toilet for an hour to get out of the harder parts of parenting.

OP of course it's your choice whether you smoke.
But what if it's a dealbreaker for your partner and he will leave you if you don't stop?

I smiled since 16gave up when I 35 .. I miss it, I love the smell I walk behind smokers to get my fix . I have no shame .

Never smoked. After seeing the damage it does after thirty years of nursing I hope it's the one thing my DC never take up.
A massively increased risk of cardiovascular disease, strokes, heart attacks, cancers (most not just lung), dementia, leg ulcers, osteoporosis, etc etc.

I've seen lots of people who've enjoyed it too much to stop, until they get the 'shock' diagnosis.
Often too late then in reality.

Yes, I smoked for about 15 years on and off, since I was a teenager. Like you I didn’t smoke many a day, and I “quit” several times (went a few months without smoking but ended up going back to it). I don’t drink and I eat healthily. I always smoked in the garden. Like you I thought I knew the risks and it was manageable. I enjoyed it.

Then I had a lung cancer scare. I’m 31.

Thankfully it turned out to be clear, but it was terrifying. The weeks I was waiting for the result were some of the worst of my life, wondering whether it would’ve been different if I’d quit smoking for good in the past or never started. It’s only been a few months since my last cigarette but I’m confident it’s shocked me into quitting for good. And I feel so much better for it. There are no downsides to quitting.

YANBU smoke if you want to. The self righteousness of man never ceases to amaze me.

MN not men!

@Iquitit

Just that we seem to have a level of empathy for other behaviours that people engage in that they know may be unhealthy/ dangerous that we don’t employ for smokers, as if they somehow aren’t deserving of it.

Yes, this is definitely a thing. Nicotine is rated in some studies as as addictive as heroin, and by others as being in the top 5, more addictive than methamphetamine.
Addictions all work pretty similarly, although nicotine I don't think, causes as severe symptoms during withdrawal as things like alcohol and cocaine, it is a drug that you become physically addicted to and therefore have a fight on your hands to quit.
I don't really understand the stance that alcoholism, or cocaine addiction for example, is viewed as an illness and the addicts worthy of help instead of derision, but addiction to nicotine is seen totally different.

Alcohol addiction is probably a lot more prevalent than smoking now, and probably more prevalent than we know because many people don't think they have an issue to start a, and are surrounded by people who think the same way, yet the risks are as publicised as with smoking, and it costs a lot in terms of anti social behaviour too, which smoking doesn't tend to, the effects of alcoholism are, imo, more widespread and common than for smoking.
It's interesting that alcoholism is seen as needing support and help, but smoking is not.

That said, I have recently quit. I wish I'd never started, but I did, and now I've quit.
I've quit because the time was right for me. Not because of all the bitchy things said about smoking, or even because of the health benefits exclusively.

I think your DH is being unreasonable, because he was aware of the situation, and he accepted it. He chose to accept it.

I do think you should quit though, it is honestly the best thing I've ever done, but because you want to, not because people on the internet are sarcastic, superior and bitchy about it, or because your DH wants you to, but because you want to.
As with any addiction, you won't be able to quit until you admit you have a problem.

I absolutely agree with this. However, the advice around getting HCPs to engage with people who are smoking has recently changed. They are now advised to focus on something called Very Brief Advice, rather than focusing on either how bad it is for you, or how much you smoke. These latter have been found to be ineffective. If interested, here’s the link to the VBA training, that we have had to do.

www.ncsct.co.uk/publication_very-brief-advice.php

My parents both smoked - I was born in the '70s, so many of my contemporaries could say the same. My mother gave up in her late 30s. I remember her being in a vile mood for a few days. My father gave up in hospital after he had a heart heartattack at 52. My mother had apparently given up heroin in the '60s. She had much more problem with alcohol and quit about 3 or 4 times in my life, that I know of. She ended up in hospital about 3 times after vomiting blood. But in my childhood, it was the smoking I hated, mostly as it wasn't till I was older that I was aware she was drunk in front of me, whereas the smoking I could always smell.

A German friend is currently in hospital after having had his lower leg amputated. He's still smoking, though not at his previous 50 a day levels. He's okay at the moment, because there is far less pain, so he can sleep okay. He's 52. I don't think he'll see 60. His mother died of lung cancer, his uncle and aunt died of smoking-related illnesses. When they were around, they all gave him cigarettes as Christmas presents, even after he had a stroke at 38. He's never been in an environment where those around him have encouraged him to quit. Equally, he has never expressed any interest in giving up, despite major health issues because of it, which I cannot quite get my head round, that he won't even try.

I have smoked about 20 cigarettes in my time, but no one could teach me how to blow smoke rings, so I didn't see the point. My GP says this counts as never smoked, as they ask every now and then, despite the answer never changing. I don't drink these days, either.