Do you smoke? Have you ever?

[Victoriabythesea]

I've been a smoker since I was 17, I don't smoke a lot probably about 4 to 8 on a normal day and more if I'm out on a weekend. When I met DH I was a smoker but he's never liked it and is always at me to quit. I don't want to quit I know the risks and I try to be considerate, I don't smoke in the house and I wear a coat outside to smoke so my clothes don't smell, I don't spend a fortune on them and I don't have DH sat in smoking areas with me when we go out.
Yesterday he told me he expects me to quit before we have another baby because it's gone far enough. I didn't smoke through my first pregnancy and I won't this time. I've never smoked around my baby either. I think it's unreasonable for him to expect me to quit when I've never said I would and I don't see how it bothers him. Some days I have a couple and that's it.
Am I being unreasonable to never plan on quitting? I know the risks. I go running everyday, I have a healthy diet and I only have a couple of bottles of wine now and then. Why should I give up smoking?

@LemonRoses absolute nonsense.

Sure carry on smoking if you want to lose all your teeth by 50, get vascular dementia and lung cancer and stink. i work with smokers who have gangrene and vascular ulcers, I often go home and can't sleep.
I've just lost my best friend at 55 from lung cancer.

Oh and I smoked for 20 years. I cannot bear it now and have several dental implants as a result.

@AcerLady

No I don't smoke.

When you say you know the risks, do you really? Both of my parents were smokers. I hated it as a child - being trapped in the car with them especially. Dad died of copd 4 years ago, caused by smoking. He spent the last year of his life on oxygen. My mother also has copd and is now in a care home. I looked after her in my home for 4 years - it nearly destroyed me. She is skeletal, less than 5 stone and is suffering dreadfully, slowly suffocating to death. She still smokes and has put it ahead of literally everything all her life. I'm sorry if this is distressing to read but its truly hellish to watch. These are the risks you are taking for yourself and your loved ones.

Exactly the situation I am in. COPD finally killed my Dad in March this year. My mother also has it and continues to smoke 40+ a day. She too puts it ahead of everything.

I can't have her here for various reasons. Smoking is one of them, but her mobility and other issues mean that she is now far too impaired to be able to live in a house like mine.

She is now thinking of moving into sheltered accommodation rather than continuing to live in the bungalow she and my Dad shared. Every time we visit somewhere she wants to consider the question "can I smoke?" is either top of the list or very high priority. It's becoming a nightmare.

All those please please quit, how many of you drink heavily but are in denial? I bet a fair few!

Don’t get me wrong OP smoking is bad, it’s very very bad but so is drinking and the enormous amounts of sugar and fat we consume on a daily basis. I don’t think YABU for not wanting to quit you are probably healthier than quite a few others posting on this thread...

@Pinkpaisley

He is correct that the pair or you should not have any more children and put them at risk from 3rd hand smoke not to mention the risks of smoking during pregnancy.

No, I have never smoked. I was born after 1964 so no one in my generation has any excuse for picking up the habit.

Why "1964"? Did govt guidance change this year?

When DD was little she had breathing issues, and the ENT ward at our local children's hospital was our second home for several years. I could never understand why so many of the children admitted with asthma and other breathing issues had parents who smoked. They often used to leave the ward to go outside for a fag while their child was in a bed or cot with an oxygen mask on.

Horrifying.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Sure carry on smoking if you want to lose all your teeth by 50, get vascular dementia and lung cancer and stink. i work with smokers who have gangrene and vascular ulcers, I often go home and can't sleep. I've just lost my best friend at 55 from lung cancer.

Is there a link between smoking and lung cancer??

I’m a paeds nurse and look after children with asthma, bronchiolitus, cf etc generally when they are very unwell parents usually tell us they don’t smoke- I don’t ask but often the consultants will and parents always say no. But you can smell it. Babies smell of it their clothes and blankets and hair smell of it. Parents go out for ‘fresh air’ come back smelling of it. It is their choice but as a parent of a child with asthma who has had numerous hospital admissions because he can’t breathe I wouldn’t want to do anything to contribute to his difficulty breathing so no ive never smoked I’ve never even tried.

My mum & grandparents smoked and I must’ve stank & sat in cars with it and at Christmas with my eyes red and sore. My mum even gave up for ages and has chest problems and terrified of covid did she stop no she did not. I don’t understand it.

She smokes outside too, however her hair, breath and skin all still smell so the smoking coat doesn’t do anything. And it costs a fortune I don’t know how people afford it.

Started smoking in my teens. Stopped in January this year after suffering a stroke at 58. Stopped drinking too. Don't miss either. Saving £200 pm too.

I used to so I totally get how difficult it is to quit. However I really wanted to. I was desperate to stop but couldn't (until I read Allen Carr). That's what jumps out from your post is that you don't even seem to care.
To the poster who made the comment about alcohol thats a fair point too. My friends who quit smoking before I did think nothing of necking bottles of a known carcinogen. I'm as smug as you like because I quit that too

I have never smoked. DH was a social smoker when we met. I hated it. He never smoked around me but I hated it when he came he from a night out. He stopped in 2007 when the indoor smoking ban came in.

You are wrong that is doesn't affect him. Your breath, hair and hands will stink. Of course he can't make you quit but he can refuse to have more children with a smoker.

Smoked for years, absolutely loved it. Until I hated it and couldn't stop. Took me 5 years of "stop/starting" to knock them on the head for good.
One of the things that I loved about smoking was the fact that it was a mini break. I could stop what I was doing, and step away for five minutes, and have a lovely soothing smokey break. It made me feel like myself again - not hassled or bored or boring. I was cool, I was a rebel, I knew the risks and I was willing to take them. Fuck the consequences and live in the moment! Eventually I had to face the reality that it was impacting on my health, it disrupted every social event I went to and actually it made e look like a bit of a dick. After 20 years I stopped cold turkey and I haven't smoked in the last 13 years.

It is your choice, but you need to be really honest with yourself about the impact it has on everyone around you. Don't dig yourself further into a hole because you resent being told what to do by your fella.

Ex 20 a day smoker here. Quit many years ago now and have never regretted it. But ultimately you will only quit when you want to. You know the risks, you know it's dangerous for you, your DH and your child, but you will only quit when you want to. No amount of nagging from anyone will help unless it's heat you want to do (and might even make you dig your heels in more).

That said.....My DH has in the past started smoking again 'behind my back' - I knew instantly every time because the smell lingers on everything. One of my most mortifying experiences was a pediatric nurse friend telling me that my DH, stinking of smoke, collected our eldest DC from a party while carrying our youngest (under 1) who had a streaming cold at the time. I hate thinking about how many times my children were in contact with the various dangerous chemicals from smoking that linger on clothes, hair, skin and breath for hours. He vapes now. He imagines I don't know, but that fucking stinks too. Unlike smoking he does it in the house without any real long term knowledge of how polluting that could be to me and the kids.

It's horrible having a partner that smokes. Health issues, money down the drain, the smell. The waiting for them while they have a cigarette. I used to say how much time have I wasted waiting for him while he smokes.

DH quit recently after a health scare. His haemoglobin levels much lower in a short space of time. It often takes something like this to get smokers to stop. Because they don't think it will affect them. Why wait til it gets that bad?

No but yes I did.

Started as a teen. Have on and off throughout life. After age about 30 it was really only when I’d had a few drinks or when I was on holiday. I bloody loved smoking though.

Now I’ve had DD I can say I will never ever touch another one. I miss it a bit but as someone whose own mum died in childbirth and adopted mum died relatively young too I’m now terrified of leaving my own DD and couldn’t do anything that increases that risk. I’m horrified now that I ever did and feel really guilty. That’s obviously my own hang ups - I’m not saying how anyone else should feel or what they should do.

One other consideration for me would be that I have ended up cosleeping with DD. It was never the plan and I was against the idea but turns out it’s the only way she was ever going to sleep no matter what else we tried. The additional SIDS risks would really concern me if we were ever to have another one and they ended up needing to cosleep.

Used to smoke up to 20 to 30 cigarettes per day until a few years ago and then I quit. I couldn’t deal anymore with the guilt of what I was doing to myself. Even if it’s just a few per day, you’re massively damaging your health and I promise you that it’s a relief when you have really quit them.

OP i really think you should try and stop. My teeth are totally fucked and I'm sure that's because I smoked between the ages of 14 and 30. I can't afford implants so I'm all gappy :(

Quitting was the hardest thing I have ever done but I'm so glad I did it!

I was going to say you weren’t unreasonable to smoke until I read the part about your child. An adult without children is free to do as they wish within the limits of the law of course, if they want to kill themselves smoking then sure whatever. Once you have children though, you have a responsibility to try your best to be healthy and, well, alive for them. Also, even holding a baby after smoking a cigarette is dangerous plus smokers stink even if you smoke outside wearing a special coat.

I did smoke before DC, quit before first pregnancy.

[quote Lifeaintalwaysempty]@LemonRoses absolute nonsense.[/quote]
In what way? Do explain how consciously putting your children at significantly risk of significant harm or death is kind and loving?

Or is the fear, the pain, the long term health damage to your children kinder than a tap on a hand to reprimand them? (Not advocating smacking either, but as a one off it probably does a whole lot less harm, doesn’t it?

I smoked as a teenager stopped when I fell pregnant with my 1st .dp smokes I hate it to the point its actually turning me off he smokes outside at all times but I can still smell it I change the bedding all the time because I can smell it I've gave up asking him to stop but its starting to really bother me .
I also know its an addiction and really hard to stop but I gave up and drinking also but everyones different .

Smoked when younger .Met DH not keen so gave up.Really pleased I did TBH. Have Asthma as well so not great! Really dislike Smoking now ,Smell and ash revolting .Really agree with your DH here .If you go running thats good ,but surely your lung capacity would be impaired even by a few Ciggies? What about vaping instead?

No, I never started because its unattractive and unhealthy. I have every sympathy for anyone trying to quit but it always mystifies me why they would have started in the first place. I'm not judging, it just surprises me.

Anyhow, I have enough bad habits, thankfully this isn't one of them.

@LadybirdRock Is there a link between smoking and lung cancer??
Really? Yes smoking is the number one risk factor for lung cancer! Its well documented that most lung cancer deaths are related to smoking, I think 80-90%. As well as other terrible health conditions like COPD, pulmonary fibrosis and heart disease.

@RogueV

All those please please quit, how many of you drink heavily but are in denial? I bet a fair few!

Don’t get me wrong OP smoking is bad, it’s very very bad but so is drinking and the enormous amounts of sugar and fat we consume on a daily basis. I don’t think YABU for not wanting to quit you are probably healthier than quite a few others posting on this thread...

I don't drink heavily, or even much at all, but I am overweight. Smoking messed up my metabolism a lot and I did use it as a way to control my weight. But even if you disregard the health costs, there are still financial and social consequences to smoking. It isn't free, it does smell pretty horrible to the majority of people and it stops you fully engaging in what's going on around you.

Just that we seem to have a level of empathy for other behaviours that people engage in that they know may be unhealthy/ dangerous that we don’t employ for smokers, as if they somehow aren’t deserving of it.

Yes, this is definitely a thing. Nicotine is rated in some studies as as addictive as heroin, and by others as being in the top 5, more addictive than methamphetamine.
Addictions all work pretty similarly, although nicotine I don't think, causes as severe symptoms during withdrawal as things like alcohol and cocaine, it is a drug that you become physically addicted to and therefore have a fight on your hands to quit.
I don't really understand the stance that alcoholism, or cocaine addiction for example, is viewed as an illness and the addicts worthy of help instead of derision, but addiction to nicotine is seen totally different.

Alcohol addiction is probably a lot more prevalent than smoking now, and probably more prevalent than we know because many people don't think they have an issue to start a, and are surrounded by people who think the same way, yet the risks are as publicised as with smoking, and it costs a lot in terms of anti social behaviour too, which smoking doesn't tend to, the effects of alcoholism are, imo, more widespread and common than for smoking.
It's interesting that alcoholism is seen as needing support and help, but smoking is not.

That said, I have recently quit. I wish I'd never started, but I did, and now I've quit.
I've quit because the time was right for me. Not because of all the bitchy things said about smoking, or even because of the health benefits exclusively.

I think your DH is being unreasonable, because he was aware of the situation, and he accepted it. He chose to accept it.

I do think you should quit though, it is honestly the best thing I've ever done, but because you want to, not because people on the internet are sarcastic, superior and bitchy about it, or because your DH wants you to, but because you want to.
As with any addiction, you won't be able to quit until you admit you have a problem.