Do you smoke? Have you ever?

[Victoriabythesea]

I've been a smoker since I was 17, I don't smoke a lot probably about 4 to 8 on a normal day and more if I'm out on a weekend. When I met DH I was a smoker but he's never liked it and is always at me to quit. I don't want to quit I know the risks and I try to be considerate, I don't smoke in the house and I wear a coat outside to smoke so my clothes don't smell, I don't spend a fortune on them and I don't have DH sat in smoking areas with me when we go out.
Yesterday he told me he expects me to quit before we have another baby because it's gone far enough. I didn't smoke through my first pregnancy and I won't this time. I've never smoked around my baby either. I think it's unreasonable for him to expect me to quit when I've never said I would and I don't see how it bothers him. Some days I have a couple and that's it.
Am I being unreasonable to never plan on quitting? I know the risks. I go running everyday, I have a healthy diet and I only have a couple of bottles of wine now and then. Why should I give up smoking?

I’m an ex smoker, I was on 10 a day cut down from 20. I quit two years ago.

Your DH does not have the right to force you to quit. It has to be your decision and yours alone.

However you will be damaging your lungs etc.

And you will smell. I used to think smoking outside in a breeze with a hat and a coat would sort the smell.
It doesn’t.

Ex smoker here too. I started in my teens and stopped (hopefully for good) just before I got pregnant with DS, so 19 months ago now. I really can’t see myself starting again for his sake and honestly I don’t like the smell of it now. I have a work colleague who smokes (only ever outdoors, never in her car/house) and I can smell it on her from down the hallway.

If you can, quitting is a really good move, for you and your family too. There are only positives to quitting - more cash, better health, better skin, no smell.

Smoked socially on and off for about 30 years - very little recently because of not socialising much! And also find the cost prohibitive now- thankfully,. Your 8 a day habit doesn’t sound too horrendous- am sure you don’t need anyone to explain the risks of smoking to you- so do what you want when the time feels right.

Ex smoker. You smell. It’s in your hair, on your skin, in your breath. Even if you brush your teeth you just smell like minty smoke. I gave up by vaping which worked really well for me. I used menthol flavour, and then after a year or so I quit completely, and it was easy at that point. Given fags cost about £10 now for 20, an average of 6 a day is £3, or £21 a week, £84 a month, or about £1000 a year. That’s a lot of money for so little.

Something I heard from someone is interesting. They said they didn't want to give up smoking because they loved the satisfied and clear feeling they got from smoking after waking up in the morning, or after sex, or after lunch etc.

After they quit they realised now they get to feel like that ALL THE TIME, not just when they have a cigarette!

Smoking is like cutting off your hand and having to put your fake one on to be able to do anything. Much better to just be happy and whole without having to do anything extra.

There's also the fact you are hurting your children's health, causing yourself to die earlier so you'll be hurting them emotionally too, and all the money you spend on cigarettes could have gone towards extra clubs or lessons for them, or better holidays, or doing activities and making memories. All those opportunities are literally going up on smoke. Very selfish to put that bit of pleasure ahead of your children's needs.

I started smoking when I was 15. When I hit 30, I started worrying about 2 things: having kids and looking old. Both of those things were the kick up the backside that I needed to quit. I'm now 40 and have 4 kids. I still love the smell of a lit cigarette but I will never start again because of my kids. I don't pretend to be a model of health but we bring up kids that everything in moderation is fine (food , drink). That's just not true when it comes to smoking. I can't pretend to my kids that smoking is in anyway OK. It's just not.

Sadly unless you stop before you conceive you will still increase your miscarriage risk & harm a foetus by smoking. You are also seriously damaging your own health- recent studies show that even a small number of cigarettes a day cause serious damage to blood vessels. Half of smokers die of it, and that's any smoker, not just heavy smokers.

I grew up with my parents smoking and I hated it, but when I turned 18 and started going out drinking, all my mates smoked, so I started as a social smoker but quickly became addicted myself!

About 4 years ago I had a breakdown and I started to smoke more, to a point I was smoking 30 to 40 a day, it was costing me about £300 a month just buying tobacco!

I'm now 43 days free of smoking, i couldnt go cold Turkey, and had tried basically everything, my nurse recommended me champix, and I havemt looked back since

Never ever smoked. Mum used to smoke 20+ a day.

She's quit now - after a heart attack and a smoking-related cancer (surgery for which has been life-changing). She's recently been diagnosed with COPD and is on a 'watch and wait' 6 month review with the oncologist for changes to lobes in both lungs - likely to be lung cancer but having grown from 0.5 to 1cm, still too small to do anything about. Hoping they grow slowly rather than spread like wildfire.

The emotional toll is immeasurable. On the whole family. This has been 10 years of worry and hospital appointments all due to smoking. And, like you, she never considered quitting at all - not even when as kids we begged her to stop. Of course, hindsight is 20:20 and she wishes she'd never started and regrets putting us all through this. And of course with the COPD and potential lung cancer diagnosis on the near horizon, she is anticipating a future with more pain, worry and ultimately a potentially scary death fighting for every breath.

I know I've been exposed to second hand smoke. I now worry about my own health due to her smoking and it terrifies me.

Finally, the cost. Let's say you smoke 10 a day including when you smoke more at the weekends (plus you know you're kidding yourself about the 4-8 per day). That's around a fiver a day. £35 a week. £140 a month. £1820 a year. In my house that'd pay for a bloody good holiday for us all. Over the course of, let's say the child you are planning ttc first 18 years, you will have spent, at todays prices, nearly £33K.THIRTY THREE THOUSAND POUNDS on a 10 a day habit that YOU KNOW is causing you harm and can potentially lead to life-changing illness that will affect your whole family.

If all this - from the middle-aged adult 'child' of a smoker - isn't enough to scare you into quitting isn't enough, nothing will.

Oh, and you are kidding yourself if you think you don't smell. You do.

My mother used to smoke and I grew up with that. I’ve always HATED it. People who smoke carry round a little cloud of stink with them.

You smell. Trust us.

I smoked for about 10 years and loved it - all the best chats were in the pub smoking area. Quitting was really hard but I felt much much better, looked better and smelt better.

I think smoking round children is disgusting and selfish - you're deliberately putting them at risk because you want a cigarette.

I absolutely hate smoking, I mean I really really detest it. I had mouth cancer (not a smoker) and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I will also remember for my whole life sitting on the hospital ward comforting another patient, who was 45, who was told she was going to die and hearing her cry about how she wished she had never smoked.
That said, your DH married you knowing you smoke so should give you some lenience. I would be terrified if my DH did though as he is important to me and I want him to be ok. (Neither of us have any vices, we don't drink, or eat too much, we both exercise regularly, but that's what going through cancer in your 20s does to you!)

Yes I used to smoke and my (now) DH hated it. I didn't particularly want to give up, but I did feel a bit like the odd one out as none of my friends smoked.

I read the Allen Carr book and just stopped a few years ago and I don't miss it at all. My last cigarette was just before we got married and I didn't want to smoke on our honeymoon so after a few weeks without one I really didn't want one again. I was actually surprised how easy it was.

Now I'm trying to ditch the alcohol and finding that much more difficult 🙈

I have never smoked. My parents smoked like chimneys and everything I owned, wore and even myself reeked. Then later on in life I was prevented from moving out so my mother could take a chunk of my wages and smoke 60 a day. So I really despise smoking.

However, your husband shouldn’t be making this decision. It’s you. Not smoking whilst pregnant is brilliant. So genuinely, that’s a big well done!

Perhaps with two children you won’t be able to find time to smoke, so have a back up like patches/gum/spray.

Why do you want to smoke? Do you genuinely enjoy it? Is it the feeling? The 5 minute break to your self? Calms you down? Is there something that can replace it? Do you need time to yourself and you are not getting it?

I used to be a 20 a day smoker, gave up when I found out I was pregnant, she's now 3 and I've not had one since.
Seems daft to give up for 9 months then start again? Just stay stopped, you've done the worst bit of quitting (the first few months)!

Fucking grim

2 reasons to give up.

1. Health. Smoking doesn't make you drop dead. My FIL had 30 years of ill health before he died, due to his smoking. It was a miserable time for him with multiple operations.
2. Wealth. At 8 a day and a few extra at weekends, that us 60 a week. About £20 at todays prices. Put it into a stocks and shares isa with Vanguard, and at 5% pa that will be around £70,000 when you retire. And you have a better chance of living long enough to spend it.

Oh, and despite wearing a coat, smoking makes you stink.

I've never smoked and never even tried a cigarette. My Grandad and Uncle both smoked and as a teen, I worked in restaurants in the days when people could smoke inside. When I worked Sundays, I used to have a dry throat part way through the shift. My hair used to smell smokey when I got home, even though it was a large restaurant and well ventilated.

I have a student whose mother smokes - you can smell it on the girl's clothes/hair

Both my Uncle and Grandad died at just 49 years old both from smoking related diseases that could well have been avoided.

Please quit for the sake of your child.

I'm not a smoker and have never smoked.

I think your husband is BU to ask you to quit as he knew you were a smoker when you got together. Personally I would never date a smoker as it stinks and I think it looks unappealing watching someone chuffing a fag.

Bear in mind though children are more likely to smoke if they grow up in a household with parents who smoke. My mum doesn't smoke and nor do I, my auntie (mum's sister) smokes and both her children smoke.

No,never smoked.
Nor has my sister who's currently caring at home for her 64 year old husband who is dying very slowly of cancer of the tongue. He started smoking at 17, probably a dozen a day. He probably has about 3 weeks maximum to live, leaving her, four children and three grandchildren including a six week old baby.
Apart from the possibility of cancer, diabetes, amputated limbs and kidney failure you're ageing your skin and you probably smell. Don't smoke.

I once kissed a smoker (didn't realise he was a smoker before I did it) and it was the most disgusting thing I've ever done. So I think you can guess my views on the subject! That said, there was no second kiss with this guy because I realised we were fundamentally incompatible. I was not going to enter into anything further with a smoker because I knew there was no guarantee he'd come to his senses and quit. So as much as I hate smoking I feel like your husband is being a bit unreasonable here as he knew you were a smoker before he went and had a child with you.

I still think you should quit though. As others have said you are mistaken if you think you don't smell and that there is no impact whatsoever on your child.

Don’t smoke, never have.

You do smell. It’s so easy to recognise the smell, I have friends and work colleagues who only have a couple a day, outside and with a coat on, and the smell is very strong and unmistakable.

I would never even entertain a relationship with someone who smokes, I’ve seen too many people die from cancer associated to tobacco, or 2nd/3rd hand smoke. It’s a disgusting, unhealthy habit and I would hate my children being exposed to that. They haven’t chosen it, why would you harm them unnecessarily.

I have been a ‘social smoker’ and briefly a proper smoker before that, and I packed it in years ago when a family member nearly died.

Even with your magic shielding coat on, you know damn well you stink, your breath stinks and you’re emanating nasty toxins all over your baby.

Yep, smoked for about 13 years after starting as a teenager.

Took about a week to feel good about it, took three weeks to kick it completely. I did it for a few reasons:

• Covid. Whatever other factors that mean I wouldn't survive the virus, smoking definitely wouldn't help either.

• Pregnancy. I gave up months before we TTC'd & got pregnant, because I didn't want to face that quitting battle as well as pregnancy.

• I looked awful. I don't drink, but the smoking made my skin just... Yuck. I look younger now.

• The money saved.

• The smell. Believe me OP, you cannot smell it because you are a smoker now, but your clothes, hair & hands reek. Only as I was getting some of my (washed!) Winter clothes out from last year could I smell the smoke & also off coats/jackets. I never ever smoked in my house, always outside but I could still smell the faint cigarette smoke. Now I can pick it out a mile away off others when I'm out & it turns my stomach.

I was reluctant to quit, DH always wanted me to and I literally told no one because I thought I wouldn't stay off them but almost a year later & it's the last thing I'd do. They're revolting & I cannot believe I ever smoked, even for as long as I did.