Do you smoke? Have you ever?

[Victoriabythesea]

I've been a smoker since I was 17, I don't smoke a lot probably about 4 to 8 on a normal day and more if I'm out on a weekend. When I met DH I was a smoker but he's never liked it and is always at me to quit. I don't want to quit I know the risks and I try to be considerate, I don't smoke in the house and I wear a coat outside to smoke so my clothes don't smell, I don't spend a fortune on them and I don't have DH sat in smoking areas with me when we go out.
Yesterday he told me he expects me to quit before we have another baby because it's gone far enough. I didn't smoke through my first pregnancy and I won't this time. I've never smoked around my baby either. I think it's unreasonable for him to expect me to quit when I've never said I would and I don't see how it bothers him. Some days I have a couple and that's it.
Am I being unreasonable to never plan on quitting? I know the risks. I go running everyday, I have a healthy diet and I only have a couple of bottles of wine now and then. Why should I give up smoking?

I quit in 2012.
Believe me you'll still stink of smoke even if you wear a smoking jacket.
If you quit whilst ttc (I'm assuming or you would be smoking whilst pregnant before finding out) and the whole 9 months of pregnancy then why not just stop?

I voted YANBU and I’m a lifelong non smoker.

When I met DH he was a heavy smoker (20+ a day) and he gave up when we were expecting our first child ( we were in our late thirties so he’d been smoking for a long time).

He was hell to live with for a few months but he stuck to it and hasn’t smoked a cigarette in thirteen years.

I never criticised him for smoking as I chose to be with him knowing he smoked and I don’t believe in trying to change people. They’ve got to do it themselves. Ultimately it’s not illegal and it is your choice. If it impacts on others that you love then you need to have a think about it and come to a decision.

Then there’s the question of his drinking... 😂

Smoking has never appealed to me. Both my parents were heavy smokers. My dad gave up after his first heart attack, then died from his second one.

My mum died from emphysema (now called chronic obstructive pulmonary disease), entirely caused by smoking. Watching her gasp for breath after climbing a flight of stairs, having her blue lighted to hospital several times during the last two years of her life, hearing the nebuliser go on every day, watching her walk around the house with her fags in one hand and inhaler in the other was just heartbreaking. It was like watching a crack addict the way she was with cigarettes. She died a long, slow, lingering and extremely unpleasant death just before Christmas one year.

The house was filled with overflowing ashtrays, my mum used to have a terrible smoker's cough and spit up thick phlegm all the time. Her chest gurgled when she breathed. It was horrible to see and hear.

It's no wonder I hate smoking.

If you can give up for 9 months I don't understand why you wouldn't give up for good. You might not think you smell, but you do, and people will judge you.

Health and wealth have been covered, but there is also vanity. Smoking ages you. It is bad for your skin, the cat's bum mouth look is very unattractive, and you will sound a lot older than you are. Believe me, the 60 a day sounding voice is not attractive. It just makes people think "she's a heavy smoker". My mum was 10 years younger than my dad, but she looked the same age as him.

Ex smoker here, quit 11 years ago.

My reason was I needed an operation and the surgeon told me I had to quit. He didn’t go as far as saying he wouldn’t operate if I didn’t quit, rather that the reconstructive surgery afterwards would take much longer to heal and complications could arise.

Regardless of whether that was an absolute truth I made a begrudging appointment to see the smoking nurse to help me quit. I had patches and one of the nicotine inhalators (no vapes back then) and I did actually quit for good.

A smoker has to want to quit, you have to want to do it. When I went to see the smoking nurse I thought I’d be doing this as a temporary measure, until I healed but once I stopped I realised just how much easier it was, maybe I’d got my head around it a bit more by then who knows?

Regardless of what you think you will smell of smoke! I used to pop a piece of gum in once I’d finished my cigarette, thought that would mask the smell! Only once you quit do you realise just how strong the smell is, even from one cigarette!

Another thing I was amazed at was going food shopping! I could actually smell the fruit and veg, I could smell things I couldn’t before. I did smoke 20+ a day though.

As an ex smoker now I would encourage anyone to try and quit. There are so many products out there to help but that’s all I’d do, I wouldn’t demand. Your DH knew you smoked when he married you, you’re not a heavy smoker but he still will smell it on you when you walk back in the house but regardless, he shouldn’t now be demanding you quit, this has to come from you and be your decision.

I smoked from 17 to 30, when I got pregnant. I felt sick with the pregnancy so it wasn't difficult to give up and no way was I going to start up again after kicking the habit. I'm so pleased to.be smoke free still 17 years later. It feels like another life time ago.

No I don't. Never have. And now I have cancer and watching people pay to abuse their bodies and increase their risks is very difficult to watch

Don’t think for a moment that your coat stops you smelling of smoke. It won’t.

I don’t smoke and never have.

But your partner telling you to stop is unhelpful and controlling. You’ll only stop if you genuinely want to.

You’re choice to live a life limited by COPD or cut short by lung cancer or other cancers or heart disease.

I’d not be with a smoker for love nor money. Social pariah, not welcomed in many places or others homes. Encouraging my children to smoke. Throwing significant amounts of money on a carcinogenic bonfire.

I just searched the price. It’s unbelievable. 2 packets every three days is about £25. That’s thousands a year to make yourself ill.

Clearly cigarettes are more important to you than your own children. I’d not want to parent with someone who was willing to put my children at increased risk of death from SIDS or a house fire, who was likely to die or become disabled through their own choice before the children were grown.

Sorry. Your choice not you’re choice.

You know that couple of bottles of wine also increases your cancer risk significantly, yes?

I’ve never smoked. Both my parents were chainsmokers.
I’m asthmatic and had other health issues such as glue ear from passive smoking.
Even if you smoke with a coat on, it’s on your hands and on your breath and in your hair. Smokers tend to think they don’t smell, but generally they do.

I used to really be upset as a kid that my mum was doing something that she knew harmed herself and her kids. I didn’t understand why nicotine was more important.

These are just my personal experiences. I know smokers do tend to get incredibly defensive about their habit, but I think that there’s no argument that smoking is bad. So, I think you should quit, but I think all smokers should quit.

@Ducksurprise

Most people do something that is bad for them, too much alcohol or sugar or sun or not enough exercise etc. You are an adult and capable of making your own decisions

This.

Never smoked, never tried it and am almost phobic about it.

Can't add to what everyone else is telling you but I genuinely can't fathom why on earth you'd go back to it after stopping for 9 months?

I started smoking as a teen, stopped for about five years in my 20s/30s when I was pregnant/had babies, then started again ‘socially’ for a few years, before quitting for good at 36 (8 years ago).

I realised it was a stupid, dirty, self destructive habit that was probably going to kill me. I don’t miss it or even think about it. Nicotine is a trap. It literally does nothing for you except keep you addicted, spending money and ruining your health.

Your DH cant force you to give up, you have to want to do it for yourself. But I’d think very carefully about it, OP. There are dozens of reasons to give up and really no good reason to keep smoking,

I smoked from age 16 to age nearly 40. Stopped eventually by using Champix. I love taking a loooong breath in now.

My DDsis and DBil smoked (only outside and occasionally) still. They came to visit with their DD (7) who came over for a cuddle. I could smell cigarette smoke from her hair and told my DSis. She stopped by using Champix and he now vapes outdoors.

I felt like you when I smoked but once I decided to stop for my health I couldn't do it. Tried cold turkey, patches, hypnosis, Allan Carr, cutting down. Champix was like magic and I have never had a craving since (10 years)

You definitely smell of it 🙄 I'm sure I read that smoke toxins can be inhaled from clothing etc, so even if you only smoke a handful outside with a coat on your DH and dc are still being impacted. I used to smoke, more heavily than you do. I stopped when I started dating my now DH, as he said he hated kissing me. For me, he and my family were worth stopping for. It isn't nice to be told to do, but you just accepting the risk to you doesn't account for the impact of it on your family. If you're able to give up for 9 months of pregnancy, why wouldn't you stop for good to protect your health for both yourself and them?!

I started smoking at 14. Smoked like a chimney for many years. Gave up cigarettes at 26 and took up vaping. Gave up vaping about 2 years ago.

I am now a sanctimonious bastard.

People seem to be incredibly cruel and judgemental about smokers in a way that they are not, about other behaviours that are harmful to individuals and to society etc, like obesity, alcoholism etc.
What a disgusting thing to say that someone values cigarettes more than their children.

You're an adult and it is your decision. You can only really give up a habit or addiction when you are ready to. You say you are fully aware of the risks to you and your family and have made a choice. Plenty of people do things that are not good for them.

Yeah both me and DH used to be smokers. He has now quit but I only smoke now if I'm drinking. It's only about once a month and just a few.

I think it is because it immediately affects the people around you @Lifeaintalwaysempty. Standing in a queue outside a supermarket with someone smoking in front of you is extremely unpleasant. If someone who drinks or is obese stands in front of you it doesn't affect you.

I have personal reasons for hating the habit, which I posted upthread earlier this morning.

Smoked for 15 years, from 12-27.

Trying to quit for someone else will not be your reason to quit. You have to really want it. And it will be hard. But if you don't want to, you shouldn't be having more innocent children onto whom you breathe the chemicals. And as PPs have said, others will be able to smell it, you can't because of all the damage the cigarettes do to your sense of taste and smell.

Yes, I do. I don't have children. My husband doesn't and would like me to stop but I take the view that he knew he was marrying a smoker.

I have smoked, as a teen / early 20s back in the 1990s. Usually other people's cigarettes though; I've probably only ever bought maximum 20 packs of my own. They were only about £3 / pack back then! I was never even remotely addicted and only ever did it when out with friends who smoked.

It isn't illegal. It's your choice. It seems like you could quit if you wanted to since you do during your pregnancies. It's also not nice for non smokers, I wouldn't chose to live with a smoker, but your oh did. What I wouldn't like is being given an ultimatum, that's not a healthy mechanism for managing disagreements in a marriage.