Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

How much do they drink ? Maybe have them drink a glass of water before they eat to fill them up faster.
My DS was a chunky boy, second biggest in the class, but he ate the same as us and exercised more than us.
In his second year at high school the fat melted off him and he’s a bit too thin now, he lifts weights to bulk himself up.

Could they be copying or competing with each other so both do it.
If I want to be full for a long time I eat meat- not very fashionable but it works imv.

Instead of sticking to a method or a routine suggested by professionals, could you just come up with a compromise or something that would make you and the children happy rather than sticking to arbitrary rules.

Thinking along the lines of:
Smaller but more regular meals if thare grazers
3 meals and snacks but you set out snacks for the day and they self-regulate
Free access to certain food eg veg sticks and berries at any time if they are hungry
.
Obviously one not all of the above! You know your kids best so you are in a great place to decide how to keep them happy x

@DinosaurDiana I do try and get them to drink plenty they have water constantly, with every meal and also a cup of milk before bed. @Quincie yes we do eat meat! I try to give protein rich food to keep them full even with snacks!

My 3 year old has a huge appetite and iis prob around 3st. But she's 110cm. So quite tall. She's solid.
But I know she eats plenty of healthy things mainly cook from scratch.
Yes she has some junk food especially at GPS but she's active and healthy.

As kindly as possible, OP, I suspect the problem isn't with them.

Could you tell us something about what they eat on a typical day according to your rules, and on a typical 'let them eat whatever' day?

When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight.

This is a horrible comment.
You said they don't look obese and honestly, you're making this such a big deal.

Don't let it run your life if you're sticking to meal times they will learn to only eat then.

More of their hunger probably comes from boredom.

Do they constantly ask for food at school/nursery ?

Also out of curiosity, have you ever had an ED or issues with food?

Gonna agree this doesn’t sound like a them issue.

You say they don’t look obese so clearly they are just heavy/well set kids who need the energy??

If they're both strong, muscular, do loads of exercise and have a healthy diet generally are you sure they're not just strong, muscular children with dense bones? Do you work with any children's physios that might be able to give an opinion? Do they have fat on them or do they look right for their height (eg double chins/ tummy sticking out/ or ribs showing and flat stomach etc) ? It seems wrong for you to go through so much stress and cutting down meal sizes when they might not actually be unhealthy.

They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Why can't you do this?

It does all sound quite regimented.

What are they like when they’re with other people? Or at school/nursery?

They're overweight but don't look overweight or obese? Why are you doing this to them?

If they’ve been 99% percentile since 6 months old when all they received was breast milk isn’t it possible that that is just a normal weight for them? Breast fed babies can’t over eat as far as I know.

As it’s both of them, has it ever been considered that they have some genetic problem that means they’re never full ?
Have you spoken to the GP or Health Visitor ?

Have you already tried having a prolonged 'no rules' period, for perhaps a week or so? You might find they will learn to self-regulate their intake after a few days, the older DC at least.

Ah, just seen you’ve already answered that one !

They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all.

Because they're not hungry.

@DinosaurDiana

Do they constantly ask for food at school/nursery ?

I was wondering this.

You said they don't look fat /obese. If this is the case then maybe there is nothing wrong with them? If they are quite muscular then their BMI will be off anyway. So if they look fine, don't worry too much about it. BMI is not always a good indication. You are giving them protein heavy snacks which is good as this is more filling. So I'd say continue what your doing

My kids can be like this. I find when on holiday with lots of new things to do and see it diminishes DRAMATICALLY, like they almost stop thinking of food altogether. My youngest goes from wanting to eat all day to not being bothered about food at all. So I would definitely say look at the boredom factor, as per previous poster. That's the only thing that's made a difference in this house.

I do stick to strict rules re: mealtimes and feed them at the same time each day. They know it's breakfast (7.30), snack (10), lunch (12), snack (2.30), tea (5). I only give fruit/veg as snacks generally. They can have supper if they want.

You say they're overweight but then say they don't look it, just muscular etc so are you just obsessing over a number or are they actually "chubby"?

What is their weight percentile and their height percentile?

Honestly o think if they're getting lots of exercise, the food choices are healthy, and they're drinking enough I'd feed them when they're hungry.

Have you ever gone a week of letting them eat the volume they want (obv monitoring the actual type of food) and see if it reduces? If they're chronically hungry of course they're going to go mad on the one day you relax, because they know tomorrow they'll be hungry again.

@MitheringSunday

As kindly as possible, OP, I suspect the problem isn't with them.

Could you tell us something about what they eat on a typical day according to your rules, and on a typical 'let them eat whatever' day?

I'd be interested to know this too OP.

The thing it's important to remember about centiles is that someone is going to be at either end of them without there being anything wrong. I have/had this at the other end of the scale (re weight with one child, height with another, both with the third!).