Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

My two year old eats much more than this!

I also don’t want to be in denial if there’s a problem and just keeping feeding them endlessly as I don’t want to set up issues what do you think will happen when they're hungry and have access to money / can get into the cupboards? They're just going ot eat behind your back. You'll be reassured they eat the same as the other kids but they'll actually have far worse eating habits that "eating for hunger til fill and healthy choices"

How tall are they? What size clothes?

One of the dieticians I spoke to was scratching her head and basically said they eat big portions but if they’re genuinely hungry fair enough and they aren’t unwell they look v healthy. Can run fast, both do gymnastics etc.

Well that sound so positive and should give you reassurance. Also if your children are doing gymnastics etc they probably will be more hungry!
Do the children as the gatherings where you've felt embarrassed do gymnastics and such like? If they're using up extra energy they of course will be more hungry. I eat tonnes more than my friend. People are just different!

@AbsentmindedWoman

Apart from the odd day a few times per year, have you ever had a period with zero restrictions on food to allow them to self regulate?

There's something odd about the fixation you all have on food. Did this start when they were literally six months and on the 99th centile? It sounds like this made you very anxious and unhappy from very early days.

Well the Ellyn Satter thing I follow loosely allows them to eat their fill at meal and snack times. So we put food in the table, they eat their fill I never comment, take food away, say ‘you’ve had enough’. I want them to self regulate and leave full! Having a meal and still being hungry isn’t fair on a child obviously.

When my eldest was 18 months the HV told me she was obese. It was at that point I started worrying. I know it sounds like I’m crazy and obsessive and weigh food and the children daily but I don’t I promise! We cook toge her, eat together, I don’t react to the whinging just ask them cheerily to wait until meal or snack time.

@AbsentmindedWoman

There's something odd about the fixation you all have on food. Did this start when they were literally six months and on the 99th centile? It sounds like this made you very anxious and unhappy from very early days.

It’s the ridiculous behaviour of Heath Visitors that does this.

My son was 11lb at birth and 60cm long. He was formula fed and every visit the HV would express concern about his big he was. Literally what the fuck do you do with a big child?

‘But he’s very long as well so surely that should be taken into account?’

‘Well not really’

‘Why not?’

No helpful answer given.

I never went with my second. Pointless exercise.

Kids do have huge appetites. My son is 9 and there are days where for breakfast he has 2 eggs, Toast, Yoghurt fruit and oat mix - 3 scoops of oats! Fruit juice.
Lunch is smaller as he likes to play at school - sandwich, fruit, biscuit
Snack after school - crisps or crackers or chocolate
Tea - e.g. Curry, Rice and Veg or roast meat veg and potatos or pasta meal, followed by cake or yoghurt or fruit
Supper - Toast and peanut butter.

On a day out mine always ask for food - I used to fight it - now if we go out for the day you can guarantee that the majority of the picnic is eaten when we arrive in the car park. Result for me as I then only carry a small amount around. They are old enough to know how much food I bring - and normally once you are engaged with whatever fun activity it is - the food requests die down. Or I let them carry their own lunch and they can eat it when they choose.

I also find the kids need to stock up before they hit a growth spurt - at these times it's like they have hollow legs. But the do need more of every food - just giving them grapes wouldn't be enough.

Mostly kids will self regulate - so let them try it. Have unlimited veg on the table.

Have breadsticks for snacks. So what if they eat 20 and not 2 or 3....I'm sure after a few times they will sort it out.

Yes - keep treats to a minimum. But not so rare that they want to gorge themselves when it's on offer. You can also guide the treats - so we might have home made burgers - they seem like a treat but really they are just mince in a different form - so a good quality mince means they are as healthy as other food. Pizza next week - we are making our own - I know what goes into it - they can choose their toppings so feel in control. Win win.

You say they're on the 99th centile and look healthy and muscular so what is your obsession with their weight?! They're not obese! If they are very active they probably ARE hungry. This "problem" is all with you and nothing to do with them. Of course you are embarrassed when you are out with friends and family because you are so controlling about food that they just go crazy while they get the chance!

When my eldest was 18 months the HV told me she was obese

This is the shit I’m talking about.

My 6 year old would happily eat 2 weetabix, toast and a banana for breakfast!

The free for all days are basically the same but if they ask for snacks in between I’ll let them have some crisps, more fruit, rice cakes etc and let them eat as much as they want for meals.

Just do this. No one got obese at 6 on extra fruit and rice cakes. They will self-regulate but you need to trust that.

We serve from the centre at meal times and I thought that was a keystone of the Satter method too?

I think you are more likely to cause issues by being so rigid. They'll never learn to regulate. If they're hungry they're hungry.

@SleepingStandingUp

I also don’t want to be in denial if there’s a problem and just keeping feeding them endlessly as I don’t want to set up issues what do you think will happen when they're hungry and have access to money / can get into the cupboards? They're just going ot eat behind your back. You'll be reassured they eat the same as the other kids but they'll actually have far worse eating habits that "eating for hunger til fill and healthy choices"

How tall are they? What size clothes?

Yes that is my worry.

So 6 year old is generally in 7-8 and 3 year old in 3-4 and 4-5 stuff. I haven’t done height or weight for a while but looking at them they’re v average height but feel heavier than friends kids (well younger anyway I don’t generally pick up other peoples 6 year olds often!). They aren’t rolly, double chinned etc or anything like that.

@NoSquirrels

The free for all days are basically the same but if they ask for snacks in between I’ll let them have some crisps, more fruit, rice cakes etc and let them eat as much as they want for meals.

Just do this. No one got obese at 6 on extra fruit and rice cakes. They will self-regulate but you need to trust that.

We serve from the centre at meal times and I thought that was a keystone of the Satter method too?

Yes that’s what we do 👍🏼

They don’t look overweight, so are you going on some measure to say they are? Seems like you’ve food issue and are controlling over it as these seem fit and healthy kids. If they are hungry feed them. Stop turning it into a battle.

[quote Hungryhippos123]@SeaTurtles92 I know it’s painful even writing that but it is embarrassing. When they’ve had snacks, a generous lunch and eaten every scrap of food I’ve brought out when friends kids just eat a normal amount and prioritise playing etc. over food I do get embarrassed.

I’ve never had an ED but my sister had bulemia. My parents often commented on her weight as a teenager (normal puppy fat) and I am desperate not to cause that. I never mention weight to the children ever. Before this I never was worried about food! Would eat a massive pizza no concern, generally ate well, probs drank too much when younger but never worried about food or eating.

@MitheringSunday so a normal day:

Breakfast: glass of milk, weetabix (1.5 each and a bit more if still hungry) banana

Snack: chopped up apple and cubes of cheese

Lunch: omelette with cucumber and tomatoes and yogurt or cheese and marmite sandwich, veggie crisps and a couple of quorn mini sausages

Snack: organix type cereal bar thing, fish sticks, hummus and pitta or similar

Dinner: lasagna and sweet corn or home made pizza or tomato and veggie pasta or similar

Milk before bed

The free for all days are basically the same but if they ask for snacks in between I’ll let them have some crisps, more fruit, rice cakes etc and let them eat as much as they want for meals.[/quote]
Firstly I know what you're going through. My DC eat so much more than their peers it can be embarrassing. If they see someone they know rating they will beg / cry to have what they have, ask their friends to share their snacks (even though they've had their own) will spend the whole time at a party eating instead of playing etc. I too worry they will not develop any willpower.

Honestly though, that doesn't look like a crazy big amount of food to me. If they are big and strong for their age they will need more than average.

Firstly would recommend you go to see a really good children's nutritionist. NOT an NHS dietitian.

Secondly try to massively chill out about it as they WILL pick up on your anxiety.

Thirdly look into leptin boosting foods. You may need to add more protein.

Keep doing Ellyn Satter. I know it's scary. Learn together / watch programmes about balanced diets etc.

You say they don't look obese, which is interesting.

Finally I've never heard any positive outcomes for people who had their diets restricted by their parents... Usually end up obese anyway, or with eating disorder.

Well the Ellyn Satter thing I follow loosely allows them to eat their fill at meal and snack times. So we put food in the table, they eat their fill I never comment, take food away, say ‘you’ve had enough’. I want them to self regulate and leave full! Having a meal and still being hungry isn’t fair on a child obviously

So how is this different to the few days you’ve allowed them to eat what they want?

Has anyone mentioned Prader-Willi syndrome to you?
This is very rare but could be a possibility?

what stuck out for me OP was your saying that they don't look overweight but you believe they are just because of BMI. BMI should not be taken in isolation as muscle is heavy and can make someone look overweight when they're not. At 6 I think my kids were probably eating more than yours are though it's hard to tell given that 'lasagna' can be massive or tiny. Why don't you subtly weigh the then try a month of not restricting their food - just offering healthy options and lots of protein (maybe some at breakfast?) then re-weight them and see what's changed and how that compares with height change.

Well the Ellyn Satter thing I follow loosely allows them to eat their fill at meal and snack times. So we put food in the table, they eat their fill I never comment, take food away, say ‘you’ve had enough’. I want them to self regulate and leave full! Having a meal and still being hungry isn’t fair on a child obviously.

X-posted. Let them eat to appetite at meal times and let them choose. That’s the Satter method - parents provide healthy choices, children choose what and how much to eat. All anxiety or focus taken away from it.

You’ve done some but not all - you need to trust yourself as much as them. I really think you might benefit from counselling?

@peachescariad

Has anyone mentioned Prader-Willi syndrome to you? This is very rare but could be a possibility?

PW is extreme, this doesn't sound like that at all.

You must not be giving them enough to eat for their needs. You might think its s lot bug it might be quite low in calories and leave them feeling hungry.

Agree with the self regulation. I just feed mine until they're stop asking now! Doing anything else is futile in this house. Can't wait til they can get their own food without me panicking about sharp knives and spillages!

@peachescariad

Has anyone mentioned Prader-Willi syndrome to you? This is very rare but could be a possibility?

It’s not that, they are fit and healthy kids.

Also, both my small, skinny 7 year old and taller, broader (but not overweight) 5 year old eat more than the daily menu you have posted.

99th percentile doesn't mean a whole lot unless their height is 25th or something. Diet sounds fine to me. I know that GP and school do worry people about childhood obesity but children continually grow and so you do have to listen to their hunger queues also. If you want to cut down then a glass of water 20 min before a meal should be offered not with the meal. I wouldn't worry too much though and restrict crisps/chocolate/sweets sure but I wouldn't restrict food if they are hungry.

Unfortunately don't agree with posters who focus on the fact they don't look overweight. Most parents with overweight children seem to think their children are "normal" or "skinny" from my experience.