Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

There is a genetic issue that makes kids excessively hungry. It's not prader willi. There was a TV programme about childhood obesity where an obese child with a slim mum was tested and found to have it

My first question would be are they actually hungry. It sounds like they are able to eat portion sizes of their choosing at meal times so are filling up as they need to. My children are similar ages though a standard bmi and when they are bored they will constantly ask for food however I’ve noticed they do this with me far more often than with my husband and it seems like a pushing boundaries thing. I’ve recently started being clear about what time snack time will be and that we’ll be having just the one snack time between meals and they now ask far less for food. It doesn’t sound like they are eating crazy amounts, my youngest can easily eat three wheatabix on a hungry day. Many young children would graze all day if allowed and ask for snacks all day long. I’d continue to focus on healthy food and positive associations with food and question if this is more of a perception issue rather than a food issue. If they really don’t look over weight then bmi isn’t a perfect measure of health especially with children. Have you spoken to their GP and got them to actually look at your children and make an assessment of their weight rather than just using their bmi. Would you feel there was an issue if their bmi was in the healthy range? I can also highly recommend the Lucinda Miller cookbooks for healthy meals and snacks for children.

If they don't look obese - they aren't.
You are feeding them healthy food.
YOU need to stop obsessing or your children will have issues.
Keep feeding them what you are doing - I'd reduce night milk as that can be heavy. If they need milk, give earlier so can be digested.
Keep doing the gymnastics etc and STOP thinking about anyone else. Be more worried they will get bulimia like your sister as this is where it heads with obsessive parents.
My "dear" mother spent lots of time comparing me to my ultra skinny sister (we ate the same) and this has had a long lasting impact on my mental health and self image. I was not even over weight - I was muscular and athletic rather than waif.

Relax and enjoy time with your children and if they want an early snack, have the healthy carrot batons/cucumbers at the ready and don't make a fuss about their hunger. They are growing and just make them move more :)

I am of the type that feels really hungry on anything other than a very protein rich diet. Your average day of food would leave me feeling absolutely starving - nowhere near enough protein in that for me. That is partly driven by how much exercise I do - carbs aren't the thing I need to sustain that, for me it's high protein meals. See what happens if you try and make meals much higher in protein.

If they are not fat and are always hungry.... I don’t see why you won’t feed them more. I would give them a range of healthy snacks (as much as they want) that should fill them if they are really hungry. This will eliminate them saying that they are hungry because they want junk food. You need to find out are they genuinely hungry or do they want junk. My mum used to say to me if you are hungry eat an apple 🍏 and that would catch me out. I wasn’t “hungry” I just wanted crisps and chocolate.

I was chunky when I was small, savage appetite and hugely active. Shed it all in my teens and weight is currently 8st 8lbs, height 5 6. My sister was the same. Pretty sure my mother got comments about our weight but her stance was we were growing girls and it was just puppy fat and she was right!

I think on the unregulated days if they are eating their fill and are calm and chilled I think that is how you must let them eat.
You are keeping them hungry all the time and not allowing their bodies to feel full and then choose to stop eating.They can self regulate clearly when their intake of healthy food is unrestricted. If it was me I would weigh them now make it fun and lighthearted, do their heights too then do unregulated healthy eating for 3 months and see what happens.

I also agree with upping the protein a good rule of thumb is never give a carb without a accompanying protein.
Rice cakes, crackers, breakfast cereals are all fairly spiky carbs which will cause a strong rise in blood sugar and a quicker hunger afterwards. If you include a protein and a good source of fat, the fat will slow down/ soften the spike as it slows digestion and the protein is even slower to digest so will keep them fuller for much longer.

What they're eating seems fine, but I'd keep an eye on not overdoing the milk and cheese. Fine in moderation, quite unhealthy when overdone.

In regards to the comment describing what your children would typically eat in a day, I don’t feel as though you are giving them nutritionally dense foods which are high in fiber and complex carbs which take longer to burn off. Try introducing porridge, eggs in the morning, brown rice, wholemeal pasta, quinoa, sweet potato.

My children are constantly hungry too! I think its boredom sometimes or they've seen something they'd like to have but can't.

We have a rule in this home. Only 3 snacks per day. We also have set times for meals every day 7am breakfast, 12pm lunch and 5pm dinner. Each meal must have a portion of fruit or veg with it.

I love having a routine. If we're out, girls can have a cake/ice cream but that must be one of their snacks.

My two are perfect weights but they are built quite small. Maybe it's your girls build? They're not fat, just built big?

Your post reminded me of a series called Doctor In The House with Dr Chatterjee. In one episode Dr Chatterjee focused on an 11 year old boy who was very sporty and a healthy eater, yet obese. The doctor thought too many processed carbohydrates and poor gut biodiversity were part of the problem so the processed carbs were cut out and the boy was asked to eat a rainbow of veg every day and given probiotics. This worked brilliantly.

Your dcs are clearly not in this position (and may not even be overweight) but it might be worth putting small dietary changes in place while they are young and amenable. The episode doesn’t seem to be available but Dr Chatterjee does lots of podcasts etc so you could look him up. His advice – which usually involves changing diet to improve health – has been transforming for my family so I really recommend having a listen. Meanwhile, this is a press release for the episode.

www.pressreader.com/uk/daily-mail/20170509/282351154689342

Good luck with all this. I think most parents have insatiable children at one time or another! You sound like a great mum.

Not read all the thread but it strikes me that you mention your sisters weight as “normal puppy fat” but don’t see your own kids in the same way?

What is your sisters weight like now?

I hear you OP. I think you’re doing fantastically well. The only advice I’ll give, that I’m sure pp have, is to try to stop feeling embarrassed with friends, etc.

It is a very difficult thing to balance. I’m struggling with my teenage DD. It’s all well and good saying to let them self-regulate, but teenagers aren’t good at doing that with sugar. I also have a sister with an ED which makes me even more worried about saying/doing the right things.

I don't think that's physical hunger.

It sounds like attention-seeking. driven by some unmet emotional need to be nurtured.

This is a Zombie thread from May.

The rest of the food is fine although I'd be inclined to offer toast along with apple/cheese snack.
I agree.
You are giving them enough food bit it's all a bit light and doesn't sound very filling.
Children need a bit of stodge and weight in their stomach . Adults too!
Bread has been wrongly demonised, same wirh potatoes.
But I would increase these foods.
It will help them feel full for longer.

If I have salad (even with proyein) I'm hungry soon after.
Add a slice of bread or two and it's a whole different story.
Also one and a halfvweetabix is nothing.
Give them two! If theyre notvallergic to nuts maybe crush some walnuts on top and alternate with slices of bananas.
Assuming they don't have nut allergies.

@moose62

This is a Zombie thread from May.

Damn! Only noticed after I'd written a long reply.

OP it sounds as though you have tried your best but are being told something by the health professionals based entirely on the scales and their tables. These are rigid and the people using them aren't always able to appreciate that what the scales say is not the be all and end all of good health. Your children both sound very fit and active and as such they will require a great deal more food for energy than a child who spends their day sitting down with a tablet or a book or playing sedentary games. If both girls are doing gymnastics that alone will mean that they will be both very much more hungry than average and will have a great deal more muscle mass than the average on which the tables are based. Personally I would relax about the whole thing, take out healthy snacks such as carrot sticks, cucumber, celery etc and fresh fruit and give then it whenever they say they are hungry or even just let them graze themselves on the healthy snacks you don't mind whenever they want. It will stop the constant asking and hopefully take food away as a thing they are craving as they can then have it whenever they want.

This is why I stopped taking my child to get weighed, because as adults we know the BMI scale is ridiculous – just look at how some super-fit athletes fall into the obese category because of their muscle mass – so why should a similar 'they must weigh x' approach work for children?

OP, you sound like a brilliant mum who just wants to do right by her children but that a throwaway comment by that HV about your 18-month-old has set you on a destructive path of policing their food intake with military precision. Even if you don't talk about it around your DC, I bet they're picking up on the tension around mealtimes and the time restraints of when they can eat are a whopping sign that they have no control here.

The danger is, if you let this continue, when they hit their teens and can source food for themselves, they might hit the eat-every-bit-of-junk-food-they-can-get-their-hands-on button and then you might really have a problem. So, for the rest of the summer until school starts, why not abandon your routine and just let them eat when they're hungry? I bet after a couple of weeks the urge to snack constantly will settle and they will learn to regulate their own appetites.

Duh, just posted and then saw the Zombie thread alert.

I don't have this problem, but I suspect many do. They are just that kind of kid. Maybe you just need acceptance and to cut yourself a bit of slack. Both my ds's did football. Ds1 then moved onto boxing. He eats ridiculous amounts, only to support - enable the intense training.

The only thing I can suggest is if they find a sport they like. If both big, basketball, netball, beach volleyball, judo or kick boxing or any martial art, rugby, football, but the best of all, the one that uses most calories is boxing. Followed by, the top calorie burner .... rowing. Rowers need to eat 4000+ calories. Could be your answer?

Breakfast: glass of milk, weetabix (1.5 each and a bit more if still hungry) banana

Snack: chopped up apple and cubes of cheese

Lunch: omelette with cucumber and tomatoes and yogurt or cheese and marmite sandwich, veggie crisps and a couple of quorn mini sausages

Snack: organix type cereal bar thing, fish sticks, hummus and pitta or similar

Dinner: lasagna and sweet corn or home made pizza or tomato and veggie pasta or similar

Milk before bed

If your children are very outdoors energetic, I'm not surprised they are always hungry.

 Compared with my childrens diet, (all adults now) the list  above is very light on milk, carbs  and .protein.

From school age on, on every school day mine ate a large breakfast ( eggs, toast, porridge, fruit, milk)

  I would recommend giving them the main meal of the day at lunch time  ,  to include protein  such as meat fish or eggs, several veg and potatoes. Fruit, or home made puddings.  This meal should be their highest calorie intake.

    At tea time, (5- ish, last meal of the day)  they had a smaller meal high in carbs   like (baked  beans on toast,  pasta, rice, cheese eggs yoghurt) .  Plus fruit. 

   Mine drank a t least one mug of full cream  milk with every meal.

 (  During their teens their calorie, protein, carb  requiremants and intake  escalated  far higher.)..

     All our bread was wholemeal , with butter;. Milk anf yoghurt   was whole fat. 

    My "kids" are now in their 40s. They have strong bones (no breaks yet) , absolutely perfect teeth, never had a filling, ,  and very robust  physiques and health.  They all  take huge amounts of strenuous sports   excercise and none of them is overweight.