Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

Haven't read the full thread but I personally would cut out the extra snacks. Just a small snack at snack time (fruit or rice cake) and that's it. Kids say they are hungry often just because they want food, just ignore it, if they are well fed they won't starve!
My friends son hassled her for food constantly and one day she just said enoughs enough. You have this snack and that is that. Make sure there are no unhealthy snacks in the house and try to stick to your guns.

They sound strong and healthy. I was told to feed cakes and biscuits to my toddler by the health visitors because she was so active that she looked starved. I decided to ignore the health visitors and now she is a well adjusted adult who loves salad and eats very healthily.So don't worry about what they say.
However, being a vegetarian, I would recommend adding whole almonds to their breakfast. Ignore the calorie amounts for almonds, a BBC programme showed that they do not for some reason add weight and they are filling. Seeds too are a great addition to breakfast. I would increase the protein in their diet as it's more filling and harder to digest. Also walking to school helps as they start including that in their daily lives. Lentils and beans, like chick peas are very filling, and you can add them to the food easily, with vegetables and they help to fill you up. I'm vegetarian, and protein in beans and lentils can be very filling, as can brown rice.

@urkidding

They sound strong and healthy. I was told to feed cakes and biscuits to my toddler by the health visitors because she was so active that she looked starved. I decided to ignore the health visitors and now she is a well adjusted adult who loves salad and eats very healthily.So don't worry about what they say. However, being a vegetarian, I would recommend adding whole almonds to their breakfast. Ignore the calorie amounts for almonds, a BBC programme showed that they do not for some reason add weight and they are filling. Seeds too are a great addition to breakfast. I would increase the protein in their diet as it's more filling and harder to digest. Also walking to school helps as they start including that in their daily lives. Lentils and beans, like chick peas are very filling, and you can add them to the food easily, with vegetables and they help to fill you up. I'm vegetarian, and protein in beans and lentils can be very filling, as can brown rice.

My toddler is mostly vegan so far (as in 99% of his meals are vegan but we don’t mind him trying bits here and there of vegetarian foods that aren’t vegan) and one thing I do is include scoops of ground nuts with his breakfast each day. So his bowl of oats or weetabix has a scoop each of ground almonds, ground walnuts, flaxseed and hemp hearts. Excellent source of protein, iron, selenium and omegas between the lot of them. His breakfast (two weetabix, fortified soy milk, the above scoops and a handful of raspberries) contains over his daily RDA of iron in just one meal. Topped off with an orange as vitamin C helps with iron absorption :) Homemade soup always has a frozen bag of broad beans or edamame beans to increase protein and make it more filling.

There are of great ways to include nuts, seeds, pulses and beans into your diet aren’t there! I’ve always really enjoyed cooking for and feeding my toddler, food can be so fun ❤️

Why don't you Beauregard them and weigh them Justin as a one off. The. You can work it out.

What was that @imgoingtoregretthis

@Navigationcentral .. result of autocorrect whilst breastfeeding a wriggly toddler ., promise I wasn't drunk, I don't drink.

I think I was going for something along the lines of weigh them, and measure them just this once.

To all of you lovely people who have posten dismissive or unpleasant comments about my suggestion (as that is all it was) about PWS - I have worked with a number of children who have had eating disorders over the years (in fact one of my daughters has issues at the moment). I have worked with one child who had a diagnosis of PWS but who was as thin as a rake.

Not all people are the same.

We are here to provide help and support for each other and not to be unpleasant.

@DaddyJohn1964 whilst I don’t doubt your comment re PWS was well intentioned it’s irrelevant and incorrect.

PWS is more than just a large appetite. If you worked with young people with PWS you should know it involves significant learning disability, physical disability, hypothalamic dysfunction and developmental delays. It’s also not hereditary so the chances of siblings both having PWS (unless identical twins) is vanishingly rare.

As the parent of a (slim!) child with this condition I get absolutely sick of people trotting out the “they might have Prader-Willi Syndrome” on ANY thread involving otherwise heathy, normal children with a bit of an appetite. It minimises and misinforms which does no one any favours.

Hi, I also had this problem as an adult and the constant feel of hunger was really annoying and time consuming to figure out what to eat. It was also very frustrating at the time that I didn't know what to do to stop it.

Looking back, the issue was that I ate what I thought was right to eat and didn't eat what my body needed - for more than a year. Essentially, I was on a diet all the time and cooked my own meals with as few carbs and fat as possible, I also decided how much I should eat each day at work and never brought more, didn't keep sweets or other savoury snacks at home either.

As a result, I was hungry straight after eating and also developed health issues.

When going out to a shop to buy lunch, I was craving for some meat but bought salads. When I craved for pasta I ate meat and other healthy options - the list is very long of what I did.

After working out in the gym, I came home hungry and ate something healthy with salad and meat and avoided carbs and fat - I was craving so badly for a biscuit or some chocolate or even a croissant but these I considered bad for me.

I did this to lose some weight, but not only weight loss stopped but I felt frustrated with myself, occupied about what to eat and developed some health issues too (thanks god it was just temporary).

After talking to a dietitian about eating and feeling hungry I was advised to start eating again all food groups, fats, carbs (complex carbohydrates), vegetables and meat. There are lots of good fats and carbs that are good to eat. Once I did this, things started to normalise, didn't have cravings anymore and felt full for longer.

At the moment it was not obvious why this happened and I was all the time confused. It was a really awful feeling to be hungry all the time even if I "thought" I ate enough

Hungryhippos123

I know this post is a few months old now, but wanted to come on and say I completely understand your worries, and think you were given a really hard time by some posters. I had a similar situation with my daughter, was told she was obese at 2 and saw a dietician who advised limiting portion sizes- until that point I’d never counted a calorie in my life. We followed her advice for the best part of a year, but DD was hungry on the so called ‘right’ person sizes and became completely obsessed with food, and we’d usually give in and give her snacks and then feel guilty, and it was awful. We then started doing the Ellyn Satter method, and actually decided to pay for an appointment with one of her advisors. It was NOT cheap, but has honestly been life changing. I know you say you follow Ellyn’s methods anyway, but I thought I’d mention it, as despite reading all the books there were still things we weren’t getting right, and the appointment was so thorough. We’ve been doing it for 9 months now (when I say ‘doing it’ I just mean- regular sit down meals and snacks where we decide what food is served and they

Sorry posted too soon…

the kids decide how much to eat of what we’ve offered. We don’t have any random snacks between meals, and no longer have any whinging about food, which for my DD is a huge change. Ellyn isn’t about weight as you know, she talks about this method allowing a child to self regulate and grow the way nature intended- in our case DD has maintained roughly the same weight while growing in height. She now sometimes eats loads at a meal, sometimes very little, and I trust her to eat in the way she needs to.

Anyway I know you said you’re already doing similar, but thought I’d mention the appointment as this really helped us get it right. They even got us to film a meal! And also that I get where you’re coming from in that it sounds like you’re obsessing over food - but like you I never talked about that in front of DD, and ultimately when you’re told by professionals your child is overweight, you’d be a weird parent to just ignore it!

@Jgdgjbdssvuuuuudg
It all sorts itself out at secondary. I used to worry like you at primary level but most of it is just the current fashionable parenting style.
At secondary they generally won't eat until 1pm, will binge at 3pm (corner shops) and they eat with family at 6/7pm. Some have a pasta meal at home at 3pm ish Some eat at 7am too but not the majority. They really don't drink water all day despite parents sending water bottles. Some Year7s do.

After this most will fall into an adult pattern of eating lunch and dinner and snacking in evening. Or eat to suit their uni / workplace pattern.
Your worries are unfounded as it never extends after 11years old. The constant snacking and water is only evident in society to under 11s.

OP don't know if you are still around but I just wanted to say somehting. I didn't have this problem with my kids but it could apply to me.

I was a big baby, over 10lbs, and got bigger. I vividly remember my mum and her friend laughing when I got my first school uniform, so I suppose I was 4, as to get a skirt to go round my waist it reached my ankles. Another vivid memory is an aunt saying her husband would struggle to eat what I was having for dinner.

Somewhere I started to lose weight and by the time I was 11 I was my adult height, 5'4" and very slim. As a teenager my nickname was Twiggy after the model. I've never had a weight problem as an adult and I've actually got quite a small appetite, as an example I could never eat 3 courses for a meal, I don't normally eat 2 but I did once this year.

I don't know what happened but presumably something switched and I hope your issues resolve.

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if others have already said similar things. OP, I understand what you're saying and I have experienced similar, myself. My partner and I were slim although we ate well enough, but when my daughter was born and grew older, she seemed to always be hungry. She became quite large, and my GP did tests which said she was healthy.
I gave her healthy food and did not restrict anything, but she just grew larger and larger. As she became older, I regularly found empty crisp/sweet packs in her room and I did try to talk to her but she refused to take any notice of me.
I should add, this was in the 80s. She is now a woman in her 40s who has just had a stomach bypass operation on the NHS because of her obesity.
Was all of this my fault? Was it the way I raised her? I really don't know and I have no answers, but you're not alone, OP.
By the way, I am not suggesting that your children will end up having to have gastric bypass operations. I guess I am saying that I think you're right to monitor your children's food intake because some children seem to experience a lot of hunger that may not be in their best interests long term.

It sounds like they need a bigger lunch, and maybe a more substantial snack half way through the afternoon.

If my kids ask for food outside normal meal/snack times, I'll offer them some fruit (or other healthy food). If they turn their noses up at it, I know they're not really hungry

My DD (7 years old) has always had a good appetite and is in size 10-11 clothes. She's really tall for her age (although there are others in her class the same height), and her weight is in proportion to her height. Your kids might just be tall too.

I suspect they arent overweight, theyre just big people with the accompanying appetite. I'd let them eat as much as they want as children so long as its actual food, not pop, crisps, mcdonalds etc.

I seem to remember mine was like this too at that age.

I don't mean to dismiss you feelings around this, but I do remember worrying about constant requests for food.

Mine turned out perfectly fine, she is sixteen now. They do go through growth spurts.

i dont think you're doing anything wrong, they're healthy, active, and fit.

What you ARE doing is allowing your own hang ups to mentally affect how you FEEL about your children, and thats something you need to work on.

The only other thing i would perhaps do, is be a bit firmer about the NO between meals/snack times. If they can stop asking the school teachers for more food, they can stop asking you.

My DD was the same, I basically used a bit of '1,2,3, magic' methodology, set the consquences of repeated badgering for food, and she got 3 chances.. on the 3rd time of asking, consequence was carried out. It soon cut it out.. instead she switched to asking if it was snack time yet.. and that got the same treatment until she learned to stop asking and wait.

Have you tried eliminating wheat from your children's? Your sample plan includes wheat heavy foods sometimes 3 times a day, some people's bodies do quite badly on this food.

I suffered insatiable appetite for years before cutting out gluten. As a side note many people find weight falls off after eliminating processed sugar and wheat from diets. Whole grain wheat has a stronger effect on insulin levels than table sugar, not many people realise this. When insulin drops, you feel hungry.

mple alternative menu: omelette or yogurt and fruit for breakfast. Green or rice salad with a protein for lunch. Snack: peanut butter and grapes or cheese cubes. Dinner: chicken, lamb, or beef with veggies and rice or sweet potato. Snacks: avocado, nuts\seeds, hummus and veggies sticks.

For more info, I recommend the book 'Wheat Belly' by Dr William Davis. Also the Weston Price foundation have excellent nutrition info on their website.

It sounds like they are larger / solid / muscular kids rather than overweight. Don't concentrate on charts too much. The food diary you posted didn't sound like a great deal of food ? My 3yo (quite skinny) eats about that amount snd is CONSTANTLY asking for food , I just give her it! Perhaps as PTs you have a greater emphasis on weight/ lifestyle than most ? I'd stop stressing and just feed them.

Have you calculated how many calories your children need to eat each day.
Maybe calorie wise they aren’t having enough especially if they exercise.
You could put the portions into My fitness pal.
They don’t need to know that.

I've just realised how old this post is!

I know this is an old thread but I am a bit amazed that a couple who are both physios are not understanding body shape and intake variation. I used to work with and manage physios in the NHS and yes obesity exists but by and large if childern are healthy and active and don't look obese, how can they be "overweight"?
I too think the OP may have food issues