Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

My daughter used to be called Wheelie because she was like a bin... Everything and everything went into that child, she's 6.5 now and it's settled down somewhat. I think it's hard for young children because they have so many growth spurts as well as just generally growing so fast. You sound like you're doing a great job with what you feed them. Out of curiosity, are they obese through BMI or can you physically see they're overweight? If it's the former I'd seriously just give them bigger portion sizes.

I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon.

This unfounded fear is your problem.

Please don't restrict your children's food like this.

My childhood was like this from about the age of 8.

I used to steal food from cupboards and binge on it. I used to beg food from my brothers (they were allowed more because they were boys). I thought about food all the time.

40plus years later I still have a totally fucked up relationship with food.

Please don't do this.

Ok, I thought you was over worrying a bit until you mentioned you wanted do hypnosis. There is being informed and doing research and being careful with their food intake and then there is micromanaging. You have one child at school. You must have seen the other kids in class to quickly realise, as we all do, that kids come in all shapes and sizes. And these shapes and sizes change slowly, quickly, all are different. If your children are carrying a slightly bit of extra weight, that is NOT a problem. Most gain some round the middle before they have a growth spurt and eat more accordingly. Are you going to monitor there food so much that they are not able to eat extra when they have a growing phase. Mine would ask for extra before bed, so would have toast or cereal. And after a few days of this you click and say, are you growing again? But you would deny that food, that they need to grow healthy because you deem their body has had enough for the day. If your kid has a huge round face, double chins, a huge belly sticking outwards (not a little extra at the sides or front), rolling round all over, then they are overweight. I have always given my kids treats as I find they crave them more if they don't have a bit (bit like an adult removing something on a diet). But have always said you would have to have less treats if you did less exercise (teens - daily training for energetic sports). If you deny them too much then your fear will happen when they have access to money and a supermarket full of treats. Take them once in a while to pick something so when older it is not like being let loose in Charlie's Chocolate Factory.

*Breakfast: glass of milk, weetabix (1.5 each and a bit more if still hungry) banana

Snack: chopped up apple and cubes of cheese

Lunch: omelette with cucumber and tomatoes and yogurt or cheese and marmite sandwich, veggie crisps and a couple of quorn mini sausages

Snack: organix type cereal bar thing, fish sticks, hummus and pitta or similar

Dinner: lasagna and sweet corn or home made pizza or tomato and veggie pasta or similar

Milk before bed*

Are you sure they're overweight? You say they don't look it and this is a very reasonable amount of food a day - my 5 year old eats 2 weetabix and a small bit of toast and peanut butter for breakfast. He isn't overweight. If you're really worried you could drop the milk drinks as they don't really need it at that age, but really I think you're panicking over nothing much here. Loads of kids ask for snacks a lot, it's a bit tiring. Mine are always asking for snacks on weekends and holidays, I point them towards the fruit bowl. I would even say you could give them a bit more to eat - maybe they need bigger meals so they don't ask for more food in between. My DC have a similar lunch to yours but will usually have greek yoghurt with banana and honey afterwards. Usually (but not always!) keeps them quiet till dinner.

I don’t understand.
My children will be hungry at 10:30 too, and I’ll offer fruit or just say no when they ask for stuff.

What do they have for breakfast?
Mine have porridge and full fat organic milk.

It fills them and gives them energy

Kids don't fit into handy height/weight/appearance packages. It's just weird sometimes.

I have a 7 year old who looks like a fairy thing but is tall for her age and feels like she weighs a ton! She is in leggings for an 8/9 or even 9/10 in some shops to accommodate her bottom and be long enough to reach down to her ankles.

However at the same time visually she's a skinny mini! My friend who's DD looks much more 'chunky' (same age and height as my DD) is gob smacked that i have to buy the same sizes that she does for her DD. They look totally different builds but they wear the same size clothes.

My DD has long slim legs, skinny little neck, no tummy, see ribs when she puts her arms up and when she bends over you can see her spine. But i can hardly pick her up!

@Viviennemary

If a child is still hungry after a meal not enough food is being provided for their needs. If I knew somebody restricting food like this to children I would contact Social Services.

A child asking for food isn't necessarily hungry. They can be just bored.

OP - That list of food isn't a lot. My DCs ate more at that age and were very healthy. Many friends' children ate a lot less. DS's BMI put him in the 'overweight' category when he was the fittest and strongest in the school (and the same is true of other athletic children he trains with).

Perhaps your DCs are just hungry: feed them healthy food and keep up with exercise; and stop worrying about it for now.

I don’t get this at all. They are tall for their ages from the size clothing you say, very active and don’t actually have extra fat on their bodies but are muscley. So they are not overweight in terms of fat, and you seek to know this - yet you’re still fretting?

Honestly i think if everything you’ve said here is accurate then this is your issue and you need to be careful because you are freaking out about their bodies which sound fine and healthy. That’s not good! You’ll give them a complex about food.

• sorry I'm a little out of it with a bug today and I didn't click past the first page ...

I tend to go by offering them more of the healthy food you're making them, if they eat it they're obvs hungry. They don't sound over weight or obese at all from what you've said. They told me my daughter was overweight once as a 5 year old, you can see her spine and ribs she's so bloody skinny (eats like a horse and she's fine..), but because she's really tall it tipped the BMI over into the overweight category. As for calling an 18 month old obese?!? Jeez. I'd take that with a pinch of salt and try to stress less x

Three things.

1. Are they riddled with worms? That would explain the constant hunger.

2. They are getting quite a lot of carbs and I wonder if they are getting carb spikes and then the low that comes after which makes you feel really really hungry. That sort of hunger would pass for constant.

3. Are they learning from somewhere that they should never feel hunger? We had set mealtimes as kids and we never snacked ever. Breakfast lunch and tea and that was it. I was regularly hungry but it was just part of my life. I was a muscled skinny kid. Hunger was normal for me and my peers. I ofter went to bed slightly hungry. I still wait to eat and feel hunger frequently but people around me eat ten times a day because they seem to think feeling hunger is toxic or something? Hunger was a normal part of life.

My kids always say they're hungry when they're bored which drives me crazy

Symptoms of orthorexia nervosa include "obsessive focus on food choice, planning, purchase, preparation, and consumption; food regarded primarily as source of health rather than pleasure”

Poor kids - I was a children's social worker and therefore had 13 years of contact on a daily basis with lots of different children. Small, tall, medium height, skinny, medium, heavier shape. Blonde, brown white, ginger, black haired. Grumpy, happy, shy, loud, angry, calm, silly, serious and on and on. The shapes and sizes of children are on a spectrum, just like hair colour, moods etc.

My 3DC eat differently to me. Each individual eats differently. I am really sorry that other professionals have stressed you out to the point that their shape and weight is your highest context. I would predict (and I am long in the tooth enough to say this from a position of experience) that if you let them be and allow them to eat whatever they want over the summer holidays and force yourself to put your worries in a box, this will resolve itself. I think the focus on it is making it bigger than it.

Being 99th percentile is surely fine, if you know that their diet is nutritionally sound, which it sounds like it is.

My DD says she's still hungry after every meal even though I know her portions are generous. She just enjoys eating. If she's already had a good portion of dinner and a pudding and says she's hungry I offer her celery, lettuce etc. which she will only say yes to if she's genuinely still peckish.

I suffered with HV concern at the opposite end of the percentiles with DD when she was a baby. You'd honestly have thought DD was going to perish instantly if I didn't give her a bottle of formula that moment the way they went on. DD was fine being breastfed she was just a slow and steady weight gainer. Gladly my GP is fab and every time the HV referred us to the GP she reassured me that it was clear as day that DD was healthy and thriving even at the bottom of the percentiles chart.

Try to trust your instincts on this. If your children are fit and active and can run around without issue then the chances are you're fine!

@Zotter

I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon.

This unfounded fear is your problem.

I agree. Also of course it’s more likely they will binge if you’re restricting their calories needlessly and turning this into a massive issue.

The only child I have ever heard mither for extra, healthy food was solid muscle even at 3 years old. 90th percentile for height and weight. But his mum is a size 4-6 and it just didn't occur to to her to feed him bigger portions because she said he was eating more than her, which quite frankly a sparrow would! He began cooking for himself as soon as he could and he's now at least a foot taller than her, and a very fit rugby playing as well. He has never been fat or overweight, he's just spent a lot of his childhood hungry.

I think you must learn to be thicker skinned with the Gp etc. They have to say these things now because childhood obesity is a big problem however given that their diet is healthy and they get plenty of exercise it's fine.

Restricting food like you are is setting up your kids to fail, they will think about food all the time when they are denied some until the next time they eat. It will become an obsession, they may start to steal or feel shame because they feel you tell them they shouldn't feel that way.

They'll also pick up your stress about it all regardless of what you don't say. They'll notice you watching them eat and measuring it all with your eyes and they will feel shamed and anxious.

It will ruin their relationship with food completely. Kids that are healthy eating bottomless pits and stay active aren't the problem. It's the couch potato lifestyle combined with unhealthy eaters that are.

This makes me sound awful, but I don't care as much as you about the amount of food my DC eat.

They eat what they want, when they want. Never have any complaints about being hungry (except just before a meal).

We have home cooked meals, everything in moderation, lots of fruit and veg on offer and available.

One DC probably eats too much, the other DC too little but it will all work out in the end.

Could you find a way to relax and see what happens after 3 weeks or so?

Your meals and lifestyle sound pretty perfect. I think you should be kinder to yourself.

I have never heard of so much drama regarding the feeding of your children. If they are overweight, it indicates that they are eating far too much,or eating the wrong type of foodstuff. Getting upset, and crying isn't going to help matters. Only you, can help them,to have well balanced meals,and at the correct times of day etc, and curtail eating too much, just when they feel like it, as this can become a habit.

they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry.

I'd go with that. BMI and the like are very blunt tools, especially for children. As a child and young adult what I thought was enough food and what my mum thought was enough were two very different things. I would eat 2-3 times what she thought I ought to be eating. Now I'm nearly 50 and have been the same healthy size for the last 30 years.

One thing I have found works well though is to test whether it's genuine hunger, or a craving, by offering something a bit dull. You're hungry? Fine, have some toast. Don't want toast? Not that hungry then, are you.

Oh god please, don't any of you listen to the weight thing they do at start and end of primary. It is done on the BMI scale and so out dated. Got to the point where when it came to the Yr 6 one I removed mine off the list. I stated that all they did was measure their height and weight and judged the kids on that. Did not ask what they ate or how active they were and see them as a whole person. My son would of come out as overweight but trained for about 15 plus hours a week without matches at local, regional level at the time in a high intensity solo sport. I was not having some draconian measuring system rate him as not good enough.

The breakfast is less than what my two year old eats. She would have that plus a big dollop of almond butter or maybe a boiled egg as well. Huge appetite in the morning but a very calm and happy girl once eaten with zero pestering for food after. Add protein at breakfast and see if that helps.

Lunch seems a bit low in carbs. Add a jacket potato?

I’d honestly just let them eat as much as they want of the meals I’d cooked. The only thing I limit is sweet / salty things. Everything else is fair game. As long as they’re active I don’t see the problem.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food

I wouldn’t tolerate this at all. I would ban them from asking for food at any point tbh. They get enough food and they get it at regular times throughout the day- they do not need to be asking for it. I would tell them every time we leave the house “do not ask me for anything to eat. I will provide food when it is time to eat. If anyone asks me for anything to eat we are coming straight home.”