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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My sister won't sign as 'Auntie'

248 replies

Boytrio · 29/04/2021 21:27

I get on really well with my sister, we've always been close even when she moved to America. She doesn't want children though sometimes I suspect it's her husband who doesn't want children and she doesn't have a choice. Either way, I feel sad for her and what she is missing out on and I hope she/they will change their mind. I always assumed she would love my children as if they were her own, like I do my nephew (brothers son). It has come as an unpleasant surprise that she can act so hostile towards them. Sometimes she's wonderful - one was born on her birthday and she said it was the best birthday present ever. She is also an awesome whatsapp dinosaur buddy. And then there are other times when I just wonder what is going on inside her head. She has yet to meet my three year old (I would have been desperate to go to America and meet my niece/nephew if she had one but meeting mine seem to be low priority). She also consistently signs herself by her name without the 'Auntie' title. For me, being an Auntie is a joy. It feels like she is rejecting my children by denying them that special relationship. I've asked her about it and she said it should be their choice whether they call her Auntie or not. Quite frankly I find it bizaare to put that decision making on toddlers - surely you'd just call yourself Auntie and then accept it was their decision to stop when they were older and have more advanced comprehension? Am I being unreasonable to expect more enthusiasm than this?!

OP posts:
Houseofmirth66 · 29/04/2021 21:28

Yes.

PurpleDaisies · 29/04/2021 21:29

You are being utterly ridiculous.

kw1091 · 29/04/2021 21:29

Don’t feel sad for her. They have clearly made a decision not to have children. Whilst your children are wonderful and amazing to you not everyone will always share that opinion. I’m sure your sister loves your children very much but she has her own life.

picturesandpickles · 29/04/2021 21:30

YAB absolutely U!

Leave your poor sister alone and let her be herself.

bunglebee · 29/04/2021 21:30

Get a fucking grip. And maybe reread what you've written.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 29/04/2021 21:30

What is a WhatsApp dinosaur buddy?!

Oh and yes YABU.

00100001 · 29/04/2021 21:30

She can have them call her whatever she pleases.

Did you insist on what your parents would be known as? Or did you let them make the choice?

PurpleDaisies · 29/04/2021 21:30

I am now wondering whether this is a reverse...

Lelophants · 29/04/2021 21:32

I need to know about the WhatsApp dinosaur.

You must know YABU?

She's probably fuming at the fact you feel so sorry for her.

EdithWeston · 29/04/2021 21:32

I think you need to be mir accepting of the idea that she doesn't like children, doesn't want them and is usually uninterested in them.

Yes, yo are unreasonable to project your views of what an 'auntie' should be like into someone who is disinclined to play that role. Let her be.

Your DC will perhaps one day enjoy the aunt they have, not your invented version of what an aunt should be. Perhaps when they are older, possibly much older

And do cut out the 'being sad for her' - just remember that she is not you, you clearly don't share a world picture, and she'll be happy with a totally different life to yours

NeverMetANiceOne · 29/04/2021 21:32

Oh wow, so so so unreasonable.

daisypond · 29/04/2021 21:32

Wow, you are way out of line on everything you’ve said. I have never called myself Auntie to my nephews and nieces, for a start.

twoofusburningmatches · 29/04/2021 21:33

It wouldn’t cross my mind to sign something as “Aunty TwoofUs”. I think I always just sign with my name. Still care very much about my nieces and nephews!

FindBetty · 29/04/2021 21:33

The 'hostility' is... what? Not signing herself Auntie?

CuriousSeal · 29/04/2021 21:34

You're ridiculously unreasonable!

3scape · 29/04/2021 21:34

Some sort of wind up. Or. You seem blissfully unaware that she's her own person, doing things her way and refusing to accept her. Nice.

wanderedlonelyasacloud · 29/04/2021 21:34

Sorry but you're being really unreasonable. So unreasonable in fact that I suspect this is a reverse.

Aria2015 · 29/04/2021 21:34

Sorry but you're being unreasonable. I have Nieces and nephews and I don't feel the way about them that would meet your expectations. I certainly don't love or treat them like my own. I remember their birthdays and Christmas and when I see them I'm nice to them and play or chat but that's about it. My siblings are the same with my children. I think you've got unrealistic expectations of just how enamoured she should be with your kids.

PurpleDaisies · 29/04/2021 21:34

I was so hoping this was about the correct way to spell auntie/aunty.

UCOinanOCG · 29/04/2021 21:35

You are bonkers. I have many nieces and nephews and have never signed myself 'auntie'. You adore your children which is right and proper but no one else is obliged to.

bluebluezoo · 29/04/2021 21:35

Oh god, you’re one of those “i’m so special popping out kids, why doesn’t everyone want to be special like me”....

Some people don’t like or want kids. Including your oh so special ones. Leave her alone.

wombatgoeswild · 29/04/2021 21:35

I don't sign cards as auntie. Kids can call me whatever suits them. I'm also not going to love them as my own because they are not my children & that would be stepping on my siblings toes.

DariaMorgendorffer · 29/04/2021 21:35

Confused YABU

themalamander · 29/04/2021 21:35

I have never called anyone in my family by a title, either than my mum and dad and gran. So direct line gets the familial title, everyone else is just first names.

It's really strange of you to push this onto your sister. What are you playing at?

And all this "I hope she changes her mind" and "shes missing out" crap. Some people do not want kids. They arent failures, they arent wrong, they arent missing out. It is an entirely personal decision and has nothing to do with you. Being a mum doesnt make you better than her. Stop looking down your nose at her, stop forcing your life choices onto her and stop judging her.

Your kids are amazing for you. But really, not many other people are going to care quite the same way you do.

HerMammy · 29/04/2021 21:36

You’ll be shocked when your DC decided to call you by your name and not mummy 🤣